the anxiety of awaiting

6Pwp1RzgHCYesterday I had a thyroid ultrasound, and the technician spent at least twenty minutes going over and over the left side of my neck, lymph nodes I believe. My lip is starting to prickle, and the back of my brain is starting to feel cold just thinking of it. I’m breaking into an anxiety sweat. Back over to the right side for comparison, awesome. Then a “renal ultrasound” to see if my adrenaline has anything to do with my premature menopause state. “She’s just not efficient or good at her job,” my sister texted. “It’s not you. She’s just trying to get the right images.” This makes me feel mildly better. Mildly.

Awaiting blood (and urine) test results makes me dizzy. I just phoned my new GP’s office, and they confirmed that all the results were received, so they’d have the doctor phone me to discuss them. Now, I am awaiting his phone call, wondering what it was he tested in the first place.

Big deal if your doctor tells you you’re vitamin D deficient or that you have higher cholesterol than he’d like to see. I’m curious to hear what my blood sugar levels were, since I’ve cut out all grains and sugars, aside from those found naturally in fruit. But what else will we learn?

No doubt he’ll phone me when I’m in my car, with the kids, picking them up from an after-school activity. I won’t want to call him back, and I’ll want to take notes. It’s too cold to stand outside because it’s 14 degrees. Oh, the nerve & nerves! Still, what can he tell me that’s so bad? It’s not like he’s testing for something that will change my life significantly. It’s just your regular checkup blood work. Metabolic panel. Not even testing for hormones!

I need to remember that any results are DATA, and information is a good thing. Right? Still, I keep thinking of my urine, dehydrated, like syrup. What? They told me to fast for 8 hours, and despite being told I could drink water, I still full-on Yom Kippur fast, no water. Then, I think, “Protein in the urine,” because maybe once in my life someone said that to me. My goodness, I need a glass of wine, and yeah, please note, the whole bottle is made of glass.


UPDATE: No news is good news. Posting the details in the comments, but basically everything was normal. Which means I have nothing on which to blame my weight and vagina. Thyroid normal, adrenal glands normal. Hair is thinning, which must have something to do with my very low testosterone of 15!



  1. Just wanted to say… I have thyroid ultrasounds done regularly. It is nerve wracking, but if they come back and say you have nodules, stay calm. They are more common than you think. I’ve even had to have a thyroid biopsy done twice. (Not pleasant, but not horrible). Hope they figure it out soon.

    1. Author

      Okay, thank you for this. It’s good information to have. The doctor has yet to call me back, but I do not take this as “No news is good news” because that doctor’s office is a FARM, and I doubt the doctor had time to review the results yet.

  2. The doctor may not have had time yet, but I guarantee SOMEONE checked them when they came in and put them in order for the doctor to see (STAT, same day, next day). They’re catalogued, even in completely computerized systems.

    Take this from someone who’s had fallopian cancer and went through treatment at a large, university hospital.

    Generally I got bad news really damn quickly, although then the jump to action after said bad news seemed interminably slow. (It was well within treatment protocols, but every day we didn’t go to surgery felt like maybe it was going to be worse outcome when we did.)

  3. Author

    You are right. If the results are bad, you get that news quickly. We all need to remember this! The doctor said all the ultrasound stuff revealed nothing abnormal, all fine. Thyroid fine. Cholesterol fine. Blood sugar fine (though it was 108, which I think should be lower). Had a small amount of ketones in the urine. He basically said, keep exercising and dieting and get back into the 120’s. I’m 145 now. Joy.

    Still, I’m relieved and feel like buying myself a new perfume :)

  4. Author

    He also spoke with my gynecologist, who explained to him that I’m on a lower dose of estrogen than post-menopausal women and that I NEED this. They don’t know WHY, but I have to keep doing what I’m doing, she told him, which is the testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. He said, “So keep checking in with her.” That’s all I got.

    Cholesterol total 188 (10-199)
    Triglycerides 89 (10-149)
    HDL 62 (40-125)
    LDL 108 (below 70 is ideal, 100-129 near ideal)
    ratio: 3 (3.3-7.1)

    Glucose flagged as high at 106 mg/dl (70-99)

  5. Been fighting my thyroid….there are new standards for what is “normal”. What looks “normal” on the current scale may well indeed be hypothyroid. I feel best when my TSH is under 1. When it was 3.5 I was told it was normal. Make sure you do your research on this! Wishing the best for you!

      1. Your levels look pretty good…you might be able to nudge the TSH down a titch and that might help with weight gain/sleepiness.

        I hope you find a solution and wish the best for you!

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