you’ve got a problem

“You’ve got a problem,” Phil said with the only tone one can use whilst making an accusation. Whether it was whispered or barked, there it was, judgment day in our kitchen, and once again, I was up for review.

I can’t believe I didn’t take any pictures, not a single photo, via iPhone or actual camera. It’s the iPhone flaw, actually. We now rely on it for photos, so much so that we take it for granted, then just forget it exists. Here I cooked a whole Passover Seder, complete with Haggadah and wine glasses, softened butter for the matzoh, homemade Flanken and Matzoh Ball Soup, with balls two ways (I’m such a sucker for anything ball-related, except for actual balls)—all without a photo. I managed to get it all done, save for the dessert, which I knew my cousin was bringing. She made a dense and creamy and overall terrible for you cake that I adored and which my sister said tasted like pulverized Captain Crunch. I also served five flavors of Talenti Gelato.

“Like, a serious problem. Who just has five flavors of ice cream at home, not for unexpected or expected company, but just HAS five flavors on hand?”

To which I responded, “You see, that’s the real problem. First, that you feel the need to judge me, believing that your way is right and mine is wrong. And second, that you even see it as a problem when it’s very much a gift.”

It may not be an unpracticed but flawless piano concerto, but to have the ability to keep five flavors in a freezer without devouring every last one is my talent. Besides, I responded sweetly, “Why the fcuk do you care?”

“Because it’s not normal. Just admit that you have a problem.”

“Readily! Your having a problem with my buying ice cream is my problem.” And here, dear reader, is where a bell sounds in the rewriting of the event. If he has a problem with me, it is his problem, not mine. Ding, ding, ding. I’ve heard his complaint, accept that there might be validity to it, but ultimately I’ve decided that having that sweet range at the ready brings me delight and joy.

Should a day come when he reasons there’s no room for what he’d like, no room for his smoked meats, say, then we’ll have the his and hers discussion or bring up the word “compromise,” but until then, back off, stop naming my joys as trivial or wasteful, or anything at all. Now, let them all eat cake and ice cream.



  1. That’s funny! At least he didn’t miss going to church on Easter with the family, like my new husband did. He may not be my husband for long!

  2. I have 4 flavors in the freezer and not even any kids in the house to eat it. They can sit there for months sometimes, but I like having the variety on hand for if the mood strikes me. Maybe I want chocolate, maybe I want pistachio. Nothing wrong with several flavors in the house. My husband has 4 different types of beer and 4 flavors of LaCroix hogging my fridge, but I don’t complain because I understand the desire for variety.

  3. I’d just laugh it off. He’s been this way for years and he knows it gets you going. Just use it for fodder here and ignore it at home! Not worth worrying your cute little self about. If you don’t engage with him he’ll eventually stop poking/prodding you with trivial stuff like this.

  4. I’m glad you are so secure that you don’t get riled by this hurtful attack, as in the launched message that you are psychologically fragile and even a bit nuts. cos you love abundance and giving joy to your friends and family. It would make me mad, and sad ,and feel hopelessly undervalued .You are either gloriously ok, or have had some brilliant therapy. Good you.

  5. Actually dear I believe you have 6 ice cream cartons and you were looking to buy more. That 2 of them haven’t been touched in over a month and have the icicles on them. That for Passover I was asked to pick up fresh ice and there was no room for the bag in the freezer because we have so much ice cream clogging the shelves. That it took me an additional 30 minutes to unpack the freezer, remove packaging from boxes of food for the kids, to finally making the ice bag fit along with your ice cream obsession. If admitting you have a problem is the first step, maybe it’s not being judgmental? xoxo

    1. Why do you freaking care? Let the woman have her ice cream! You two have a ridiculous marriage. It’s tiresome reading about it here. You need to back the f off and not be so damn controlling.

  6. Eh. I get the idea if it bothers him then it’s technically a matter of personality/preference/priorities. Since he wrote to include more info (not much room for what was needed for the meal in the frige) then i can see why he was irritated. But if any other day you need to have the options’ of ice cream, no harm. Perhaps a bigger frige/freezer in the future- esp. since you are so into food/cooking, etc. Phil strikes me as very pratical from what you have shared here over the years- and you are full of fanciful and artistic bits. YOu compliment each other. And it sounds like he approached it in somewhat of a playful way. I have told my husband he ‘has a problem’ when he lets bills pile up (he pays stuff online so the hardcopies just pile up, useless) and that grates on my inner OCD neat freak. This is small, and the big stuff you both handle together well- look at what you’ve been through already.

    So, bigger frige? Sure!

    1. cc, from what I’ve read here, my first (nor my fortieth) inclination would not be to say they *compliment* each other. I could argue that THAT is exactly what could solve many an “issue,” if it were true a lot of the time. Perhaps they do *complement* each other, though, in that they appear very much like yīn and yáng, dark and light. And…like a lightening bolt…I realize that THAT’S possibly one reason they’re together through what appears to be so much angst: they interact…meld…to form a whole greater than either separate part. That gives me hope. While I wish one appeared more open, accepting, understanding…perhaps the other can really channel that calmness to realize his problems with her really are just that: HIS. Don’t make it hers. If the yáng has opted not to budge on conforming some to the yīn side, then why should the yīn be anything other than who SHE is? Again…continue complementing each other. And, on occasion, maybe consider complimenting each other too….

  7. I can’t help but wonder what kind of damage you’re doing to your marriage by posting about your marital spats in a public forum. I think maybe your desire to put it ALL out there, to be true to your art, is trumping your good sense, or maybe at least trumping your respect for your relationship with Phil. I thoroughly enjoy 90% or more of your blog, but these kinds of posts make me cringe, and I know I can’t be the only one.

  8. If you polished off 5 ice cream containers in one go, that might constitute a problem but having a range of flavor options is nothing but sensible!

    By the way, you’ve single-handedly put this brand on my radar. I’ve so far managed to resist the siren call of Talenti Gelato (an interesting achievement in light of the fact that in one of the supermarkets I frequent frequently, the cashier line is conveniently right next to a freezer full of ice cream and rows and rows of the aforementioned tempting gelato) and as I gave past them, I now am always reminded of you and your blog.

    1. Author

      For WHAT, oh what, ARE YOU WAITING? Get on it lady! I’m partial to the mango today. Bright, lifts your mood, makes you think you’re on vacation. Transports you truly.

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