This year I’m not up for making any broad proclamations, no grand gestures or extreme promises. I’m not not resolving to create change, especially not as a way to low-ball myself, expect the worst and you’ll do better, no. I just believe that change happens with baby steps. We edge our way to it.
It actually never happens like that in movies. With a film, there’s a peppy soundtrack and a wall calendar with days marked off in red X’s. It’s do or die. Black or white. You change everything and maybe something will stick.
2012. I can’t tell you what I resolved to do last year (not without peeking… 2012, Have Something to Show For it.).
I know the year before that, in 2011, I resolved not to be the fattest chick in the room.
But back in 2010, I was onto something with my resolution: “Watch more movies of substance–movies that people call films. Films that make me feel. That’s what I want to do this year. I want to wake up when other people go to work, pull out my notebook, and press play. I want to study film appreciation in my jammies.” —2010, It’s All In the Planning, And Yet
This year of 2013, it’s smaller.
I resolve to watch more movies. What a wonderful goal, truly. I didn’t mention the quality of the films, but that’s a goal, too. To see more films that will enrich my life. I’d also like to read more, more psychology books, more on parenting, more relationship books, more Neil Simon plays. This isn’t a resolution but a wish, that I may find a mentor this year. I’m not asking for a muse–I already have a few, who inspire me in so many ways–but a mentor, even if it’s a one-sided affair, where I learn by way of a dead writer, so be it. I’m needy for it, and if I’ve learned anything over the years it’s this: fill your own need, first. So before it’s fair to go asking the universe for a mentor to hold my hand through the hard bits, I must mentor myself. And in an effort to do just this, I resolve to read more, watch more, take notes on what I read and write in a notebook, one that requires a pen or pencil. And to make more shallow wish-lists.
Most important, I think this could be the first resolution that has nothing to do with “should” and everything to do with “want–” a word that’s no small stranger. Not what I think I should want but what I already want, what I already do–just not enough. Baby steps, read more, keep on drinking, eat a bowl of capellini pomodoro now and again, date night with an Italian film and a Barolo. And for goodness sake, take a vacation to somewhere you’ve never been.
Also I want to make a list of awesome wish-fulfillment moments in movies, like in The Holiday, when Kate Winslet shows up at Cameron Diaz’s LA compound and dives head first into the king size bed, giddy. The exploration of a new place, the fresh excitment, the whim, getting into the story just before it goes… it’s delicious. I also want Cameron Diaz’s wardrobe in the movie The Holiday. A white fuzzy cableknit, braided yet not too bulky. Here’s to a year of cozy delicious bowls of love. And to Nancy Meyers, my girl hero.
