wassail, wassail

Wassail doesn’t make me think of apples or the brown pulpy foam, or the potpourri you end up ingesting with the quickest of hot pecks. It makes me think of WASPs, sailing. And of ferrets. Because Wassail might as well be weasel, which is quite ferret like. And ferrets make me think of the way thin old boobs hang, long and lean. Our whole lives we try to be just that, defined, carved, elongated. And with Christmases past and soon present, the bits of us we’d hoped were rounder go oblong. Then we wrap a silk scarf ’round the wattle, thank heavens for the Ally McBeal characters with real life contemporaries, apply a brighter shade of lipstick than we would, say, in spring (or at least hopefully with less orange), and we pour ourselves some Wassail. No, more, dear friends, no more. This year, my drink of choice will be salty, sweet, sticky and soused up but good.

That’s right. Enter the Salted Caramel Vodka (or Maker’s Mark) Hot Chocolate. The real question is: when will Fourbucks get their liquor license already? Because my other winter go-to hooch beverage is a kissing cousin of the Spiced Caramel Apple Cider. Just add calvados and bourbon. Or really anything alcoholic. Who cares. Soon, if you do it right, you won’t.

With Ribbons, Bows & Nautical Knots, here’s to tying one,




  1. The questioin is, what is the recipe to make a sticky salty drink like that at home? inquiring holiday lushes need to know!

  2. Now THAT sounds amazing. On a slightly related note, my best friend and I found that if you mix vanilla vodka and orange juice, it tastes just like Orange Julius. Damn, that was a fun day.

  3. Author

    Made it at home.
    Good quality apple juice. You know, it looks kinda brown in the jar. That “simply apples” brand is what I used. 6 oz of it in the microwave, or on the stovetop, then swirl in 2 oz. of Starbuck’s Cinammon Dulce syrup (they’ll sell it to you for abuse at home). Test the temperature, decided if you want a swirl of whipped cream or not, then do a 2 – 3 oz shot of bourbon. I used Southern Comfort. Phil said it was excellent. He doesn’t say anything is excellent, so we got on well the rest of the night. If you top with whip, sprinkle with Maldon salt and twist lacey lines of caramel over the top. Heaven sent.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.