friendship + holiday gloss

I‘m feeling anti-social lately, and I think it might have to do with holiday “nesting.” While there’s no baby on the way (I’m eating as if there were), I still feel a strong pull to home, to snuggle with my sugarplums, making snowflakes and melting our own chocolate for cocoa. Usually, I’d take a bottle of wine with friends over glitter and craft glue—though ideally, who am I kidding, they’d be two in the same. But, here I am searching for “experience gifts for kids” instead of pulling clothes for a night out.

Tonight I’ve RSVP’d “yes,” to a “New to Boca” dinner, but I feel like staying home instead. Or, like stealing away to the movies. I think socializing, especially when jeans are involved, can take too much effort. Putting on makeup, particularly now, feels like a chore. I’m almost always happy that I go, and I’ve grown quite fond of some of the women individually, so I’m not sure what my problem is.

Maybe it’s this particular group of women. I never feel like I truly connect on these girl nights, probably because there are too many of us, too many different conversations at the table, dipping in and out. Yet the other night, with a different set of six women in pajamas, we had the best chemistry, each of us confiding and growing closer. I guess the difference is that these “New to Boca” nights feel like gloss. There’s no real texture, and we’re in a setting that doesn’t cultivate intimacy. I’m learning that I value intimacy and wisdom over “fun.” And I’m a fun fcuking person. Though, I imagine everyone thinks they’re fun. Maybe I’m no fun at all. I really don’t give five shits.

What I do care about, though, are experiences, making new memories. And you don’t go about making new memories by staying home on the computer. You say yes, even if you’re tired and don’t feel like getting dressed. You say yes because anything can happen. It’s why this holiday season, most of all, I want to give our children gifts of experience, for them to unwrap a box full of pirate costumes, with a wooden plank inviting them to a special Family Pirate Picnic at Pirate’s Cove Park (just a public park near our home with a pirate ship playground). It costs nothing but it means everything. I’m on the hunt for more treasures, for under the tree and otherwise.



  1. I totally get this. We have a ton of social commitments in the next two weeks, and all I want to do is curl up on the couch in my pajama pants, admire my gorgeous decorations, and watch movies with the family…

  2. I hate Christmas – actually all of the holidays (as I have for about 15 years).

    However…maybe that should be all in caps…HOWEVER, having spent the morning at the cancer hospital with a ‘dense and complicated breast, ultrasounds, biopsies, and an ‘All Clear…it’s 2 benign cysts’, I feel like dancing the jig. As a matter of fact, I’m putting on my high-heels, taking day off of work and going lingerie shopping. Bras…lots of pretty bras to house my complicated mammaries.

    1. Author

      This is such wonderful news. I am so relieved for you, you have no idea. Someone very close to me is going through something very hard, and I’ve been thinking so much about life lately, how we need to live it so fully. Thanks for sharing this.

  3. Thank you. Not to make this all about me – but I’d like to, for a moment. So – I had a mammogram in 2008 – then again just now. I have a long history of breast cancer in the family. How could I have been too busy to get a mammogram? They take 20 minutes. It hurts less than a pedicure. I felt like a moron.

    Mammogram last Friday – then Monday night I had a message from the cancer hospital saying that I needed to call back immediately. It was intercepted by the youngest baby (now almost 18). This led her to near-hysteria…which whipped me into it…and an icy, cold sheet of terror enveloped me. Mind you, in my work, I deal with death and fatal conditions on a daily basis – but it was different when it happened to me. I have a new-found empathy…one I’ll never forget…when that blanket of terror descends…damn. I will never forget.

    All week, whilst firmly denying cancer invasion, I have also been planning my demise. What would I do? How could I handle it? How could I make it easier for the darlings and my sweet parents and my best friends? How could I summon the courage to survive this graciously? Scrapbooks, blogs, photo journals – who gets the china, the grandfather clock, the antique teddy bears?

    Uck. (Uck and a whole lot of words that rhyme with it.)

    Last night – I tucked little one into bed to dream of college acceptances, moving out in the fall, every good thing. I was strong and fabulous. At least I thought I was that impenetrable wall of mom…putting the happy face on everything. After we were both in bed…I heard her creeping down the hall. “Mom…” she said tentatively, knowing I don’t like late-night conversations or drama… “Mom…I think Ted needs to sleep with you tonight. He misses you.” and she put my old, cherished, beloved teddy bear in my arms.

    Really? I mean…really?

    Oh, these precious darlings. I won’t be able to be 3 teens’ mom very soon – I’ll be 1 teen and 2 20’s mom…unwieldy but fabulous.

    Gosh. Here we are – safe and sound. Peace and plenty. Goodness and light. Health and plenty and strength. All I can do is give thanks…

    Courage and strength…courage and strength.

  4. I follow 3 teens’ mom by the comments she has left here on Stephanie’s blog. And that — THAT — just made me tear up :’)

    God keep you and bless you.

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