holiday gripes


The cookies that I made last night SUCK. White chocolate dipped cherry shortbread cookies. Yes, it sounds like a nice flavor profile, the cooling effect of white chocolate, similar to that of the inside of a truffle, and the fanciful cherry. I figured the red cherry was festive, and superior over the crap peppermint bark people manage to include as if it’s some type of win to find peppermint anywhere. What is up with shit recipes that everyone comments on, saying what “crowd pleasers they were!”? Listen you Better Homes & Gardens readers, and listen good. Middle America needs to work on her taste buds. And, truly, what was I thinking? Know how you sometimes think some hick recipe made with lard will be “the recipe!” – your secret spam of a recipe? Well, no, this White Chocolate Cherry Shortbread is not that recipe. See Paula Deen for such artery artistry.

I hate modern shit. Why are birds on wires or vines always included? Newsflash, birds and vines are not in the least bit modern. You’re better off sticking to retro-Jetsons art. Yes, retro-modern. The very thought is cringe-worthy. Wire chairs, guitar art, and fabric-covered buttons. These Brady Bunch etsy finds are a few of my least favorite things.

Why do people make “roasts” for the holidays? Anything with the word “rump” is hardly festive, and besides, when’s the last time someone raved about a roast? Make a lasagna or a mignon and save the roasts for Comedy Central.

Abigail’s pants just fell down when Phil was lifting her overhead, doing arm exercises. And all I could think when I saw her white cheeks, “I still can’t believe my children are potty trained. This is the greatest thing ever.”

Why doesn’t Eye-fi have a professional SLR camera option? No more card readers, just automatic, wireless image transfers to your computer or flickr page. SLRs don’t use flash drives. Mine doesn’t, anyway. And the “adapter” sold for SLRs is said to be very limited, and in some cases, to corrupt files. WTF? Why hasn’t Eye-fi, or anyone, made a wireless compact flash card yet? What kind of turd nonsense is that?



  1. I hate Christmas. Almost wrote it the other day, but controlled myself. So there it is. All the forced joviality. Unmet expectations. Roasts and rumps. Gag me. However – tomorrow night at 6:38 pm – life begins again. Shortest day of the year, and spring will come again.

    1. I’m so with you on all of it. Christmas is grossly overrated and painfully unfun. I’ll catch up with everyone when it’s warm out.

    1. I self-identify as a crabby-bottom. I am currently indulging myself and embracing my mid-winter crabby-bottomness.

  2. Stephanie,

    I was going to make those same cookies!! I’m not a big fan of white chocolate so I figured I’d dip them in semisweet. So glad to read that they sucked before I did them. I did make their cornmeal cookie with the red pepper jelly…was pretty decent. My family ate the batch so I plan to make more today :)

  3. Um, where do you think filet mignon comes from? It is cut from a roast. If you are having a large group of people it is easier to make one big filet mignon roast and then cut it up into individual servings. I am serving mine with a garlic/horseradish crust and can guarantee it will be fabulous. Made it last year and it was requested by many for this year. So suck on that lasagna.

  4. I can answer the Eye-fi thing.. because compact flash cards are going away replacing them is the SD cards. :-)currently in the works canon dslr’s will all end up with SD cards. Dual ones would be great.

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