QUESTION FROM A GREEK TRAGEDY READER: My story is not long and complicated. I’ve been in a relationship for almost two years now. We moved in together about 3 months ago. He’s takes care of me, makes me feel loved. He’s funny and handsome and annoying and frustrating sometimes, but we have a good thing. He’s 30, I’m 28. Just a little background.
To cut to the chase- the other day, I found porn on his computer. Pictures. I wasn’t snooping. I was on there trying to view a dvd for a night class I’m taking, it didn’t work, I tried to look around to figure it out, and oops, a folder with 200+ naked chicks came up. Shit.
I was surprised. Shocked even. Not because I’m a prude, because I get it. Many guys are into the naked girl thing. Hell, even I don’t mind porn sometimes. At the bottom of it all, is obviously, my own issues with self esteem. The usual questions of “why does he need this fix if he has me?” ensued in my crazy brain. I’ve been analyzing this to death, as I’m won’t to do.
It’s exhausting.
He was away on business when I found it. We’ve talked about it briefly. He has assured me, that he loves me and this is no reflection on me, and he finds me attractive, etc. And I believe him.
Ultimately, this has just brought my shit more to light. I have to work through my stuff. I understand this is a guy thing, many do it, I get that. But. It doesn’t make me feel any more reassured, or any less uncomfy with myself.
A few months ago, we had a brief conversation about this stuff. I straight out asked if he’s into porn, he said not really. So, finding this stuff, kind of threw me for a loop, you know?
I don’t want him to feel like what he did was wrong. I get it (mostly). I don’t love it; it makes me feel not so great about me, but I understand this isn’t about me. My insecurities are my own shit; I need and want to work through it, ultimately to make me feel better, but as an added bonus, to help our relationship.
I could drive myself mad, looking at the dates and times he’s looked at these pictures. I don’t want to go there. I just want us to be honest with one another. To feel like our relationship is a safe place where he can tell me stuff like this. I’m just not exactly sure where to go from here. The good thing is, he’s willing to talk openly about this with me; he recognizes the weirdness for me with randomly finding this stuff. This isn’t a deal breaker, but I need to work through it, we need to work through it together.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this one, if you have the chance. Thank you!
Answer: Is here.
