You could pretty much add “fest” to anything and make it sound like a good time. Pickin’ up dog shit fest. See? Except here the fest bit is redundant because it’s always a good time on the 4th. Even if you lose a finger. Blowing up fireworks and my hand fest. Still works.

Fourth of July might be my favorite holiday. Well, wait. No. Then I think about Thanksgiving and the Christmas music, and I waffle. Fact is, I like any and all holidays that revolve around food. Even if they don’t, I tend to make them about food, and crafts, and coordinating bath soaps. Because dammit, it brings me joy. I love spending these holidays with people who “get it.”

People who thrill in almost the same way I do, in the smaller things, like custom packaging for your sparklers, place cards, and coordinating drink umbrellas. Mind you, I never get it all done, but I have fun trying.

This year I made the mistake of berry tiramisu. Blackberries, raspberries, blueberries, a scant cup of strawberries, lovely ladyfingers, mascarpone cheese, lemon curd. All I can really say is that the tiramisu gave me the ladyfinger but good. The damn mascarpone curdles, almost immediately, when whipped with cream. There was a warning in the recipe not to over whip, to make sure the cream and mascarpone were both room temperature. I did as I was told, and still, fine fine curds formed, no emulsion. It was fcuked. I was fcuked. In lieu of the berry disaster, I had chocolate chip cookies with vanilla bean and mocha java chip ice creams for homemade ice cream sandwiches. And for the kids, I froze bananas on sticks, let them each dip them in chocolate, then decorate their pops as they liked. They liked.

All I’m sayin’ is, if we’re throwing them a birthday party this year, I’d better get started on my invitations, napkin rings, goodie bags, table centerpieces now, in July, for a December party. Because that’s how much time I’ll need to do it up the way I’d like them to have it. I’m thinking vintage circus theme because I’m not sure how to successfully throw a princess & the train party. Not without a gag and rope. One thing’s for sure, all soft Italian cheeses will be denied access.