he said, she said: what if?


  1. Okay, I have to ask- why did you present this hypothetical situation to Phil if there wasnt really an existing list such as the one you mentioned in the video, and you were only speaking of the past? Why not make that clear from the get-go?
    You didnt like his response. Heh. But you asked for it, bitch!

    And if some guy had found a spreadsheet of you comparing him to another man, called you out on it, then snooped through your shit…welllllllllllll. Distrust begets distrust. It’s a hard lesson to learn but trust me it always ends in disaster.

    P.S. Y’all need to change clothes next time before taping another segment or make label this part II… ;) And I wish your presence on film came across as relaxed as Phil’s does…

    this comment sounds really shitty as I read it over, but I dont mean it shitty, just what I’m thinking.

    1. Author

      I am easily distracted when thinking of my double chin, so I sometimes forget to tell the story, uh, the way it happened! I don’t remember how it came about. I genuinely thought I’d made it clear that my question was hypothetical… as in, I thought I had stressed, “How would you have reacted if this had happened to you? What would you have done?” Then I thought I sprang into the story, believing the whole time Phil realized it was a story from my past, or at least, the very least, KNEW it wasn’t about him. Clearly there was a communication malfunction, and I had it wrong. It was my fault for not being more clear, but I was drinking and really thought I’d made it clear in advance that it wasn’t Phil about which I was speaking.
      Now, if some guy had found a spreadsheet of me comparing him to another man, which I did in fact create, if he’d called me out on it outright, revealing that he’d snooped, it would be a chance for us to clear the air. I wouldn’t have a problem with it. In fact, I didn’t have a problem with him finding it. The real question is, what would I do, how would I feel if I found a spreadsheet comparing me to another woman?!

      As for wardrobe changes, good idea. This wasn’t planned, just spur of the moment from last time, and I thought it was a funny story. AND I think I might be more relaxed if I wasn’t the one always bringing up the issues. Julie, next time, I’m totally going to have an adult beverage for our next he said she said. So what if it’s 10am. That’s what bubbly mixed with juice is for.

      1. Stephanie, I admire the way you handle these types of comments. Class act all the way. I’d be livid if someone addressed me as “bitch” on my own blog. But you, you just rise above and dust it off. Admirable. Truly.

        1. Oh good god, Jill. I’ve been commenting long enough on this blog that SK knows I dont mean it shitty.
          Stop trying to stir the turd.

  2. I imagine if I found a spreadsheet like that about me, I’d be pretty sad and disappointed that I wasn’t the clear choice to someone I ostensibly really cared about. However, it’s true, we all make these kinds of assessments to ourselves, though usually without writing them down. Or, more importantly, without expecting them to be seen by the person. So you can’t really fault someone for thinking things through. I imagine many people wouldn’t like the list of adjectives in their column however!
    I try to think in a similar way when I get rejected or blown off by someone: I think of all the random criteria I have myself for who I like. It defies logic because it’s a personal choice. So there’s nothing “wrong” with a lot of guys I turn down, and hopefully there’s nothing “wrong” with me just because some random guy isn’t interested. Sorry, kind of tangential.

  3. You and Phil should watch this episode of Friends!

    Season 2, Episode 8: “The One with the List”
    Original Air Date—16 November 1995
    Rachel tells Phoebe and Monica, Ross tells Chandler and Joey about their kiss. Ross doesn’t know what he’s doing because he can’t figure out whether to be with Julie or Rachel. Everyone (including Julie) is at Central Perk and Phoebe sings a song about their love triangle. Monica gets a new job making up recipes for a synthetic chocolate substitute. Chandler, Joey and Ross make a list with Julie and Rachel’s pros and cons to make it easier for Ross to pick one of them. Monica makes Phoebe and Rachel try her terrible Mockolate recipes. Ross breaks up with Julie and Rachel is very happy but she sees the list they wrote and is not exactly happy… they argue and Rachel doesn’t want to be with Ross anymore. Ross gives everything to win Rachel back.

    1. That’s what I was thinking of the whole time I was watching this…

      “She’s not RACHEM?!?!?!?” Great episode.

  4. Hey Stephanie,
    Forget Julie. I love how you come across on in your videos! You’re always very articulate, charming, and demonstrate your trademark sass. Exactly how I would expect you to be from reading your blogs the last few years. Just one note, and I’m sorry to do this in a public forum, but I’m not sure how else to let you know. I think you should blend your make up a little better. As usual, you look gorgeous, but you can see the line on your jaw from your foundation. Maybe next time you could try blending the bronzer (Nars Orgasm, I believe?) down to your neck so there isn’t such a drastic difference in color between your face and neck. Hope it helps.

  5. I found this video funny. But sometimes (often even) when things come across unclear or murky, whether it’s in written posts or when relating a story to your husband, you often say “but I was drinking…” so on and so forth.

    I’m not saying this to imply that you have an issue. Because, please, no one drinks as much as I do! But it seems like you like to go to that as a reason why things aren’t clear in your communication at times. Instead of just accepting that something you wrote or said just wasn’t all that eloquent or understandable to begin with. Period. No follow up “but” needed. It’s a convenient excuse as to why everyone* else misunderstands what you were trying to convey.

    *Oc course not everyone, but it sounded better in that sentence, didn’t it?

  6. I adore that Phil joins you for these videos – clever editing – and, as always, humor and truth always make for a good segment. In some ways your honesty about communication (and mis-communication) makes me feel more normal. Thank you for posting this.

  7. And, Stephanie, I see nothing wrong with it (maybe have a hot tottie to warm you up ;)) and I would be self conscious as well on video but, seriously, you look beautiful. There is no double chin that is showing on those videos. Have you ever considered filming you and Phil with the babies? I think that’d be interesting but I guess some people would scream exploitation knowing some of the readers of this blog and how they overreact.
    Regardless I enjoy the videos…a lot. :)

  8. Great idea, Julie!!! I want to see some videos of Stephanie, Phil and the babies too!! Show us your Christmas tree, decorations, whatever!! I’d love to see some videos of all of you together.

  9. WOW. So incredibly negative. Funny choice of words though. Stir the turd? You’re the one that’s slinging it around. Merry Christmas, I hope things get better for you.

    1. I’m not slinging anything around. I was giving SK shit for presenting the hypothetical question the way she did to Phil then being shocked by his reaction, but as you can CLEARLY read for yourself above, I dont think she took much offense to it. Merry Christmas to you too, Jill.

  10. I love this video! It really shows the playful side of your relationship. It is really cute and a side we don’t usually get to see.

  11. Hey Stephanie, I’ve been meaning to ask you…what’s the cursive font you use in the video segues? Big fan.

  12. first of all? i think you look gorgeous on this video! hair, makeup, outfit, accessories, the whole nine. also, i really liked seeing the silly side of you and phil, AND, i liked the editing of it all too.

  13. Stephanie,
    I have a question/suggestion for you and Phil. Do you watch Mad Men? If not, you sooo should! The relationship between men and women in this show (in the 60’s) is something that will certainly spark some great male/female conversations. It is amazing how far we have come…and the show is just FANTASTIC!


    1. Author

      Thanks for the suggestion. We do watch Mad Men. I love it. Phil I think likes it. It never actually sparks up conversations… I think we have enough sparks! xo

  14. Enough sparks? I don’t see any sparks between the two of you. It just seems like boredom, antagonism, and gimmicks to cover up whatever core connections are missing from your relationship. Really… you still feel like you have to make up hypotheticals and then broadcast your adolescent interactions to the world? What is it that you’re really trying to compensate for?

  15. Have no idea why you would bring this up Stephanie during a date with your husband.. Something I would do if I younger and feeling insecure; remind him of when I was younger and desirable and wanted by other men. Apparently did not work this time around!

    Next time you two go on a date focus on HIM. Enjoy the time together, the meal, the time away from the kids.. the YOU time. I bet you you will both have a much more enjoyable time :)

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