who does her full on makeup in the car?

In ALL, PREENING by Stephanie Klein23 Comments

I do. I’ll admit it. Not only do I apply a silicone based product, followed up by HD foundation, but I’ve been known to paint my wee little piggies, too. Phil’s always impatient and in a rush to go places, expecting me to move and operate at the same whirlwind pace as he does. So I make certain compromises and apply my makeup in the car as he drives. Full disclosure: I pluck things in the car too. Once I was wearing a tennis skirt and realized, in that certain light that comes with a bend in the road, that "Oh, my stars, where the whose daddy did those come from?" A few long blond hairs on my inner thighs. Not so long that you can braid it or anything. I’m not a neanderthal, but you might be able to floss the teeth of an American Girl doll with it. Well, Jesus. And there’s not a thing I can do about it until I get home? Hells no. I feel empty inside if there isn’t a sharpened Tweezerman within reach. Don’t get me started on the cuticle clipper (great when you’re in a pinch and need to trim an eyebrow).

I wasn’t given much notice when the producers of the Rachael Ray show phoned, asking if I’d be a guest on the show (which airs on Election Day next week, Nov. 3). I had a little over an hour to shower, pack, and haul ass to the airport. "So there I was in my closet–sans fan, sans air conditioning, sans circulation–jumping into outfit options, taking photos of myself to email my friend Leigha (the honest girl shopper I’ve been looking for all my life), when I hear the garage door open. I froze. Then quite simply, I whispered, "balls!"

It’s 2pm; the nanny is going to pick the kids up from school, WITH ALL OF MY MAKEUP IN THE CAR! And she won’t make it back home in time to catch me before I leave. I couldn’t move fast enough. No, really, I couldn’t. Instead, I used my photo-taking phone to call Phil, who was working downstairs. "Dude, you must stop Norma–my makeup bag is in the car!" What would I do with the crapass leftovers of sparkle makeup that’s chockablock in a makeup drawer that hasn’t been touched in years? I needed my makeup! His response?

"Did you just call me Dude?"

"Go! Stop her!"

Then I heard the door to the laundry room below swing open, with Phil running after the nanny in the SUV. STOP THAT BUS! And there you have it: my husband, my hero.

A YEAR AGO: Advice Is What You Want When You Already Know the Answer
3 YEARS AGO: Mr. Mom
4 YEARS AGO: Beautiful

Comments

  1. This post was so funny and you captured the moment very well. It’s so endearing that Phil ran after Norma…..THAT is romantic, i don’t care what anyone says! haha.

    PS: i know comments were blocked on your new relationship post…but i just had to say that it was so poetic. I love the versatility of your writing but at the same time I can always tell it’s your voice. You have me begging for a 3rd book.

  2. What happened to your AC?

    I have had TOO MANY bad experiences of allowing someone to borrow my car, only to realize I need stuff out of it once they’re long gone.. Glad to hear that Phil was able to save the day!!

    P.S. I can’t wait to see you on RR :) I’m setting my DVR today so I won’t forget.

    P.P.S. I’m dying to know – what’s in your makeup bag?? Spill it!

  3. stephanie, will you share the products in your routine sometime? maybe solicit suggestions for other people’s can’t-go-withouts? Mine is concealer – and after searching almost my whole life, i found the *best* thing for the dark half-moons under my eyes is either Bobbi Brown Corrector in Bisque, or a similar product by Laura Mercier… (anyone else?)

  4. Okay – that made me laugh out loud. My darling daughter took my car to school the other day, along with my make-up bag. I went to work, feeling quite jaunty and peppy, only to be told ‘good god, you look awful!’ No wonder my mom always suggested a little blush and mascara.

  5. There’s just something about that dashboard lighting that makes it perfect for spotting those stray eyebrows. Totally with you here.

  6. Using the word dude seems much more like Dooce than you. Perhaps you think it will bring you readers…

  7. I try to domy make up in the car but my hands are too busy texting and holding a glass of Pinot.

  8. Is there another SK around? I need a woman like you. Smart, Great writer. Funny. I love redheads too.

    Sorry fiance.

  9. My favorite part of MOOSE was the descriptions of camp girl time like the leg shaving on the stoop. I love that real writing of yours.

  10. Saw you in Tennessee and fell in love with your honest writing. Now going through your archived posts. Yum.

  11. How are the beans handling being apart from both you and Phil. Are they ruling the roost with the Nanny Norma?

  12. Will you have a chance to come back East for the leaf changes? I’d love to see some photos of yours for this humbling annual event. When you came back for Rachel Ray taping did you see your friends? Do any readings?

  13. hysterical. also, the fact that you house is so big that you needed Phil’s help to stop the car is funny….

    I have definitely panicked before when not being able to find my hairbrush…not just any hairbrush will do I have to have my oldie but goodie.

  14. I started reading you two years ago when a friend recommended Straight Up And Dirty. I related so much to MOOSE I think I might go as you for Halloween. Where o’ where do I find a Camp shirt with dancing vegetables on it?

  15. my husband and i just stayed at a hotel for a wedding this past weekend, and i realized i forgot a hair brush and hair “stuff” for the next day. my unruly curls had been blowdried into victorias secret model waves! but, i forgot all necessities to re-style the next morning. in a pinch, i mixed the l’occitaine body lotion from the hotel with my husband’s fiber hair wax and managed to coax my hair into something manageable. crazy, but it worked!

  16. I have so much to say! Okay, first, I LOVE your recent relationship post about signals and stops. Love. I sent it to all my friends and printed it for my fridge. Next, i loved your last makeup post, from a while ago, and hope you’ll do one again. Seriously, I trust you because based on your last recommendations I fell in love with those products, but I’d love to hear what’s new in your makeup must-have bag. And finally when are you coming to visit Georgia? There is more to it than Atlanta, and I know you’ve blogged about thinking of visiting… any time soon? Okay, for real last, I love the advice posts!!!

  17. Hi Stephanie I am a huge fan and also your flight attendant on your flight to the RR show. Loved meeting you and thanks for the pics.

    I need to comment on this post. The fact that you apply the make up while Phil is driving is admirable. I hate seeing women do this “while” driving. And another thing…how is it that people can pick their nose while driving yet can not use their blinkers while driving? Disturbing!!

  18. I once had to go five days without my make-up bag after it was lost by U.S Air in a flight from Charlotte to the Caribbean. The angriest e-mail that I ever wrote to a company then followed. Hell hath no fury like a girl without her Stila palettes.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.