who still drunk dials?

drunk stephanieklein

I. Drunk. Dialed. I was feeling lonely and making cocktails. Dinner at a favorite restaurant, then off to a new bar in town. By the time I got home, out came the Blackberry and I made a few calls – calls I don’t remember, to ex’s, and of course, the unrequited loves. God. The next day I felt horrible, ashamed, but I don’t know what for. I don’t think I was too crazy, just buzzed. I now have a voicemail on my phone from the girl in San Francisco that was always the one, and I’m afraid to listen. So I went to Greek Tragedy, searched drunk-dialing and read the wisdom of one who has been there and loved it. How do you get there, Stephanie Klein?

straight up advice

With a lot of ABBA, my friend. I’ve done worse than drunk dial. I’ve drunk IM’d, drunk emailed, and obviously (given that it’s a category on this blog) I’ve blogged drunk. The hideousness that is the phrase ‘In Vino Veritas’ can quickly become ‘In Vino HeIsAnAss,’ and we can find ourselves spewing all the things we’ve said only to close friends, in confidence. Unless it gets you fired, or breaks up someone else’s marriage, it’s not the worst thing.

As for your particular situation, the truth is, if someone likes you, they’re going to like you, whether or not you leave some drunk baby sing song message on her voicemail… three times. And if she doesn’t like you, she’s not about to start just because you whine for her to call you back already. But this, I suspect, you know–hence the morning mortification. Oh, I’ve done the whine and pine, and it makes me CRINGE. Here’s an example of some genuinely hideous drunk emailing on my part (from many years ago), and I promise you, I read this, even NOW, and am so embarrassed for myself.

If I were a drunk dialer I’d call you.  If I had your
number, I’d reach you.  And I’d tell you to meet me at
a diner for fries and a kiss.  But I don’t, so I’ll
drunk email you, cause who does that these days?  And
I’ll be witty and fabulous, even if I spell it all
wrong, cause I have red hair, and that can pass for
fab anywhere, even via pen or ink, or type.  Matt, I’m
going to bed now, listening to you, a stranger with
green eyes who covers his head when he’s nervous, who
smiles too wide. You’re adorable, and I’m saying
everything I shouldn’t, but I really don’t care, cause
tonight, I’m sleeping with you… except without you,
cause you don’t know me from eve, and you’re some type
of Adam, except you’re Matthew… the guy I want to
really know, but who, for now, I’ll just sleep with…
via cd-rom.  See, us geeks got it down.  I keep
checking to see if you’re online, but I’m
disappointed, and I’m not good at that, so don’t get
used to it.  Your absurdly forward friend,

My god, yes that one!

But at the end of the day, no matter what’s been said, you can play a little ABBA GOLD, and shrug it off to "youth & truth." Is it embarrasing? Hell, yes. But it’s honest, too. And there’s something to be said for that, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Just play "Fernando" really loud, and belt out the lyrics when you hit the "There was something in the air that night" stanza.

go ahead, ask

If you have questions or need advice on anything from where to eat to how to get over the bastard, just email your question to my advice email address.

A YEAR AGO: Imperfect



  1. Pingback: Twitted by TransAlchemy2

  2. Booze really is a truth serum, and so, the panic in the morning post-drunk dial comes from realizing our secrets have been revealed. My last drunk dial was so horrific, it kept me sober for a long time. I told a guy who I’d been crushing on for months, but had only dated twice, how much I loved and missed him. I even called him, “baby,” a bit premature after two dates, no? But we continued seeing each other, ’cause he dug me enough. Not much you can do wrong when someone digs you. The challenge is keeping them interested…and I guess, hiding the phone when you drink.

  3. I am thankful I have never drunk dialed…or EMed or IMed. I did once throw up on my boss at a Christmas party, though. So there’s that.

  4. i refer to the morning after as the “emotional hangover.”

    even if you didn’t do anything more than get a little silly, the fog of the alcohol itself will make you feel guilt needlessly.

    always, always wait until the hangover is OVER before you try and beat yourself up about what you may or may not have said. and in the end, realize it doesn’t matter anyway.

    because we ALL do it, at least once.

    and, personally, i wish the worse thing i’d done while drunk, was just DIAL someone i shouldn’t!

  5. I find that a little ABBA can make life seem a bit rosy-ier, no matter what the circumstances. Hard not to tap your foot and shake your hips to those irresistible beats!

  6. The bf sent a drunk text to me in the WEEEE hours last night. A sweet sexy one…and was furious when I ignored it, that is until he realized he’d ACTUALLY sent it to his Dad.

    Texters BEWARE! Thankfully his father has a great sense of humor and he hadn’t sent it as a pic-message.

  7. Oh I’ve drunk shopped. One night three or four years ago, I decided to get online and order up both a subscription to People magazine AND an absurdly priced bottle of absinthe from Prague. I did not recall that I had made these purchases until I received the order confirmations via email the next day. Oops. The absinthe did not arrive for almost two months, and in the meantime, I was convinced I’d been ripped off completely.

    Then about a year ago, I was pretty tipsy and somewhat depressed (I can’t even remember why) when I happened to see that ASPCA commercial where they show all the sad animals (like the one-eyed doggy) while Sarah McLachlan sings about “the arms of an angel”. I made a hefty donation immediately. Hey, at least I’m charitable when buzzed!

    It was when I ordered the Bump-Its last month that I realized I really should not drink anywhere near computers anymore…

  8. Interesting photo. It sorta looks like it came from your ‘heroin chic’ phase – same sunken, bruised eyes, almost waif-like physique. Like I said, it’s interesting, but I don’t think it’s attractive. You have so many much more awesome photos….use those!

  9. You’re no less a mess than you were when you started this blog. And the other recent entry about new friends you met at the club and you ended up being boastful? You’re pathetic! People dont like you for that and that’s why you CONSTANTLY need new friends b/c the old ones get tired of you!

    You’re an insecure loser!!!

  10. You’re so predictable and contradictory. Uh hum. Yep. Of course you can “ignore” negative comments. Its just too fun to mess with your head!

    You’re the type who ran to the teacher to squeal on the girl who even looked at you the wrong way in elementary school. Do you comprehend why your personality type is disliked?

    I mean look at the childishness of the response you just made. I wanna laugh.


    And yeah, I’m a dope for even responding….heehee I cant resist. I knew too many of your type in school!!!!

    1. “I knew too many of your type in school!!!!”

      Truly it sounds as if you’ve recently graduated– from high school. Most of us try to transcend playground cliques once we hit our 20s. Grow up.

  11. I have often said, after a particularly embarrassing evening, my blackberry AND computer need a breathalyzer!

  12. I used to drunk dial my now husband when we were taking one of our “breaks”. I never would say anything though, just quickly hang up after he’d answer. Then when he would (of course) call back I’d hand my phone to my nearest friend and make them deal with it! My friends began confiscating my phone on the way to the bar/club etc.

  13. This is brilliant. A keeper. Being a little too lively with the electronic communications while drinking. Oh lordy. Sometimes, it’s valuable. You get to the truth right away. No pussy-footing around. You also push away those who should be pushed away and embrace those who don’t want to. I kind of wish I had received a drunk email like this.

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