raising a glass to all things inappropriate

wine stephanie klein web
(Spit and Swallow: Stephanie Style)

I was hungover come Sunday. I couldn’t remember the last time I had bed-spins or the spits–just before you know you’re going to throw up–but it all came back to me the morning after the East Hampton Authors Night Dinner. I’d had the option of attending any one of the thirty dinners, hosted at private homes. I could only attend one, so it would take some thought. "Alec Baldwin," my girlfriend said. "Wherever he is, you follow. Done and done." But why? Just so I could say I was at a dinner of forty people, and one of them was Alec Baldwin? I don’t know, it seemed a bit disingenuous. I could choose a dinner where I could take advantage of certain networking opportunities, but really? Why? It didn’t seem right. Instead, I realized, I wanted to be at a dinner that intrigued me. 

The Flavor Bible

Still, it’s not an easy decision. Ultimately, I scrapped shoulds and went with the dinner where I thought I’d have the most fun: The Flavor Bible: The Essential Guide to Culinary Creativity, Based on the Wisdom of America’s Most Imaginative Chefs. I assumed as we ate we’d be learning about the combinations of food flavors, schooled in why tarragon is the go-to herb when it comes to lobster pot pie. You know, given all the lobster pot pies I’ve made for the radishes.  Although we weren’t walked through the science of such flavor profiles, the evening didn’t disappoint.

Phil, Dulce, and I sat at a table with a couple who’d pretended to be married earlier in the night, only to "come out" after a few drinks, when the he of the we mentioned his boyfriend. I was seated beside a winemaker, who commented on Phil’s attire. "How dear it is that you’re wearing a tie."

"Yes," I said placing my hand on Phil’s pink Hamptons tie, "You’ll all be happy to know it’s the only place he has crabs." Then I smiled, downed more wine, and whispered to the winemaker beside me, "That’s what you get for sitting beside an author with DIRTY in the title of her memoir." To which he raised his glass and drank. To the start of an enchanting evening.

 "At least I didn’t do anything embarrassing," I told Phil the next morning. "Did I?"

"You mean other than the crab tie comment?"

"That? I wasn’t drunk for that!"

"How about when we were all invited down to the cellar, and you were offered a bucket to pour the excess from your glass–"

"Oh, this I remember."

"And you said to the whole QUIET crowded room–"

"I’ve always prided myself on not being the girl who spits; this is not the occasion to start."


"I’m pretty funny when I drink… You know, in a horrifying way."

"I should drink more."

"Yeah, keep drinking."

A YEAR AGO: Choosing A Ring Setting
3 YEARS AGO: Friends With Benefits



  1. Drinking is fun but incredibly fattening.. I heard South Beach diet really works. Does it allow a weekly splurge so you can have wine once in a while? That’s the part that sucks about dieting.

    Phil can wear whatever the hell he wants! He doesn’t give a shit and that’s refreshing!

    1. Author

      South Beach does allow you to drink wine every now and then. As long as you’re not hitting up the sugars or breads, wine is fine. We went off it for NY trip (actually not that badly), but now we’re back on again. It’s much easier to do when you’re not hungover!

      1. Who is rich?? The one who lives in Austin instead of NYC or Fairfield County? The one who decortes her house w/Pottery Barn? I think not truly RICH, as you believe.

        1. Wow you are all so freaking rude! If you only come here to be bitchy, why do you come here? To try and make yourselfs feel better? Move on!

  2. I really want to go to dinner with Anonymous. That person sounds like.a.BLAST!

  3. Right there with the chubby and tasteless comment.

    Utterly class-less. I would have been so embarrassed for you, had I been one of the people in the quiet crowded room.

    No one can pull that off without coming across as entirely pathetic.

    Rude but at least not anonymous,

  4. You SO picked the better dinner. Mine just entailed a bunch of rich old men yelling at the General. It was awkward.

    And as someone who sat next to you at the first event, I can confirm you looked FANTASTIC.

  5. Admit it, you guys are so jealous you can’t see straight. Stephanie is living the good life and y’all can’t stand it. She’s fabulous, accomplished and funny. Jealous much?

  6. stephanie, for all the chubby and tasteless anonymous commenters out there (for don’t we always scorn the things we hate most about ourselves?) I *love* that you shared that story. Hilarious. And I love that you and Phil can laugh together. Keep on partying =)

    1. Me, too! You sound way more fun than anonymous. No one likes a killjoy. Or a Judgey McJudgers. Carry on!

  7. Um, I was writing RICH to irritate the person slagging off SK, to person who thinks we are all rude. I actually like her and surprise! That’s why I come here to read. I love her posts (some more than others, esp the last few days have been great). And I think when I don’t agree with something just pass on commenting. In no way am I in agreement with the anon who seems to have a personal grudge. Jesus.

  8. Veronica, I was not agreeing with the rude anon- I was writing RICH to annoy him.her/IT. And it looks like it worked :) I wouldn’t come here to read unless I really enjoyed most of the posts.

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