look what the dog coughed up: nope, not my homework

While I’m really beginning to love Austin with all the new restaurants popping up, I’m never going to love this: Norma coming to me, panic-stricken, saying I must see "the animal Bikini has in his mouth." Something in me fluttered. I imagined a bunny, then a bird. "It’s still alive," she said, "Thick with many legs." Maybe animal wasn’t the right word. I knew she knew the word for Scorpion and Tarantula (been there, am still queasy from that). This is what I saw…


When I was in seventh Grade, Mr. Arluck made us collect insects, pinning them to styrofoam boards, labeling each little bugger with their proper species and phylum. Surely, if I sent him this I’d get some extra credit. More, even, than I got for bringing in the lobster shells from our family Sunday night dinner of lobster Cantonese. A real live centipede.

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  1. Those buggers BITE – I am so glad Bikini is OK.
    That is certainly a crystal clear technicolor photo – I'll have sweet dreams tonight ! (((shudder)))

  2. My sister had one of these in her pant leg when we lived in Arizona – it still gives me the creeps to think about it!!

  3. The bugs in Austin frighten me. Since we moved here a mere 10 months ago, I have seen at least 15 species that I've never seen in my life (including 1 that seems to be a cross-species of two of the weird ones). Yesterday, there was a scorpion in the pool (first one I've seen here).

    I'm pretty much done. Can't stand bugs. (I'm glad your dog is okay!).

  4. "I knew she knew the word"… would you say something like that about a native English speaker? You have also made comments about your nanny before that are subtlety demeaning. Yeah, we know you are "Miss Stephanie" and you love your "help" – queen bee of your little palace.

    Poor Phil.

  5. to Anon: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

    Stephanie, did you take this pic yourself, is this after the run in with Mr. Bikini? Was he proud of the gift he brought to you?! My dog likes to chase birds, and bring them to me as gifts. FREAKS ME OUT!! Seems like Mr. Bikini is a real character, and a great addition to the family :)

  6. Yeah, I'm with TUWABVB on this one — I have a hideous aversion to anything with way more legs than me. YELCK!!

  7. The only thing I really hate about Texas are the fire ants! They are brutle.

  8. Faithful follower of your blog and you crack me up and i feel like i've known u forever BUT i have noticed that u belittle Norma sometimes. I bet is not intentional.

    You should try to write a post in Spanish just for therapeutical purposes.

    Still love ur writing.

  9. Do you kiss you kids with that foul mouth Julie? I made a true observation and your answer is "shut the fuck up" – WOW super clever. You are SO witty and seem SO interesting, Oh how I wish I could be like you – a fucktard loser.

  10. Good God, where are these creatures coming from? I know I've commented before on living here forever and hardly seeing any over 15 years, but I've NEVER seen one of those– and the other creeps, usually you'll get one or the other, not ALL!

    For real- I hope you have good exterminators. If not, can I highly recommend HomeTeam? (not offended if you delete- I'm not trying to promote) That may be the reason I don't see such aweful things.

  11. I moved from Montana to Louisiana in 2002 and in the six years I lived in the Lou, I saw some of the grossest, meanest, and freakiest bugs I've ever seen. Outside of the Palmetto bugs there's Lubber grasshoppers, Red Velvet ants, fire ants, water roaches, red wasps and the list goes on and on.

    I'm glad to back north. We moved to Milwaukee in August of last year. The bugs are far more manageable here!

  12. Except for the mosquitos! I've lived in Wisconsin my whole life and I can't get over them. Anything with lots of legs makes me break out in a nervous sweat.

  13. Not a business? You're lives are 100% business. I'm here watching your video surrounded by ads. What kind of dollars would it require to make you reture into the relative obscurity that "the rest of us" live in? You still lack humilty. Sad all things considered.

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