I cannot pack for shit. I’d like to say I’m one of those women who could take off at a moment’s notice, but that moment would be fraught with hysteria, hair creme, too many undergarments, and not a single sock. Blisters and shopping would ensue at said destination. And dammit, I doubt I’ll ever be the type to bring a sole carry-on item for more than a fortnight.

I’m rockin’ the Dashwood Sauvignon Blanc and am in desperate need of a fan for my closet. The boob sweat happening here is remarkable, way more impressive than any outfit I’ll be assembling for this last minute trip out to LA. I’ll be there Tuesday (Tuesday Night), Wednesday (Wednesday Night), Thursday (Thursday Night), Friday (Friday Night), and I’m heading back home on Saturday (Airplane Outfit). All this plus my bag of tricks (curling iron, new make-up bag filled to the brim, sunscreen, Infusium). Lest we forget the prescription sunglasses, laptop, laptop bag, clutch or some such handbag, books (one copy of Straight Up and Dirty), and of course, anti-persperant. Do I wear a pair of jeans on the plane and pack another? I so much prefer dresses and skirts, and yet I cannot bring myself to zip up a leather skirt in this weather. And the dresses seem to also say, "trying too hard." But what they should say is, "trying not to sweat." I’m having an intense love/hate with fashion magazines right now. In terms of seasonal style, this period in fashion transitioning is akin to growing out your bangs.

This is the most fashionable time of the year and also the most indecisive. In 85 degree weather, one hardly has cause to wear a knee-length cardigan, never mind belted, to a creative meeting. It’s not lost on me that I’m "the creative," so they don’t expect much. Or maybe this was only true in advertising, when I strolled in at 11AM (in either an outfit I’d be embarrassed to be seen in, in my own hallway, or some thong-braving, cleavage-heaving, I don’t have time to go home and change before I go out tonight ensemble). How do these, "give me twenty minutes," women pack for a trip without laying out each potential outfit, complete with proper foundation garments and appropriate, wow-factor, accessories? If I hear one more "micro-jersey black dress" suggestion, I’m going to tell ’em what a Jersey Turnpike is.

Typically, now that "after work" consists of giving my kids a bath, I’m in pajamas. When I’m heading out for the night, that night will consist of jeans, heels, a girly top, and sometimes a little sweater to combat mall weather. And what, I must ask, does Tim Gund (because isn’t Tim Gunn a hugable Gund?) really mean by "sweatsuit alternative?" I know he means comfort but not something with TexASS emblazoned across my ass, but I must say there’s nothing comfortable about my jeans, and all my pants are long enough to be worn with heels, not flats. Oh how I wish Tim Gund would whisk into my life and tell me when exactly I should be wearing my trench coat in LA.

I feel so out of season. Sweating like a man doesn’t inspire me to dress for fall in plum cashmeres, burgundy button-ups, or black lace frocks. I need fashion and packing guidance. How to get the most out of the least.