i don’t like long hair on men pie

The other night I watched one of the best movies I’d seen in a long time. Not Shawshank best, or Sense & Sensibility best, not even Tootsie best–more like Fried Green Tomatoes best. A total chick flick that left me crying that good cry. The perfect blend of quirky, crave, sass, and hormone treatment, Waitress is a ridiculously adorable film with snappy dialog and peculiar characters so endearing that it makes you want to up and leave the house in a bathrobe to make new friends. If you ask me, there aren’t nearly enough over the top, I don’t give a rat’s testicle what you think of me people. (Do rats have testicles?) Sick, now all I can think of is that little silver ball inside an etch-a-sketch.

I want to go bake pies, to slice up a bunch of peaches on a brand new wooden block, to muddle berries and fold them into a drape of chocolate, and dammit, I want to meet more characters that tell it like it is, don’t give a hoot what all you have to say about their business, people who say “what all.” And then I want to sing to my babies and put on a yellow dress.

Aside from the intentionally strange people in the film, I found myself rooting for things about which I’m morally opposed. It’s like those movies where you want the killer to get off on a technicality. You don’t want them to get caught. You want their sick twisted bank robbery to go off without a snag. You want them to get away with the diamonds or the other woman’s husband. Or you’re psyched when Sawyer shoots Zeek in the head. Yeah, PSYCHED someone was killed.

What I learn when I watch these films is no matter how staunch my moral convictions, I begin to question them after movies like this. Maybe I can find my way across the line and somewhat understand, even side with, “the other woman.” And while I love the ability of art to force me to reconsider things, one thing ain’t changin’: men who wear their hair down to the middle of their backs are not, ever, appealing.




  1. YES!! Great movie that I hadn't even heard of but watched when we stayed home one Saturday night, and I loved it. Can't wait to read Moose Pie!

  2. Rat Testicles: Yes. Boy rats have them, if not "neutered". And they are disproportionately large compared to their bodies. More shocking than a fully matured, in tact Great Dane… It almost borders on gross actually.

  3. See, you actually do have free time to do something for your wonderful neighbor. You'd just rather spend it watching a movie. Or watching and posting about The Bachelor. Or reading cookbooks.

    You are so creative. Get off your duff and give her back what she's giving you – the gift of time. She think you are worth spending her time making something. Tell her she's worth your time too. A blank scrapbook page. One of your photos matted. A batch of blondies. You CAN do this. You DO have the time.

  4. I just read a newsweek interview with you re: Moose. The photos they included referenced you as an overweight teen, yet you look slim in both photos. Was that a typo or were you never really that overweight? I am confused.

    FROM SK: The photo showed was an after fat camp photo. I was clinically obese as a teen.

  5. I loved the Waitress too – that Keri Russell is absolutely lovely. I'd love to spend an hour sipping tea with her on the veranda – I imagine she is a calming force.

    And just because there is time to eke out watching a movie, writing something non-stressful about the Bachelor or reading, doesn't mean there is time to be doing something fabulously productive. If you don't have any down, quiet, restorative time – hysteria, exhaustion and depression ensue. Give her a break. Gheesh.

  6. Just read about MOOSE on Newsweek.com. Sounds great and I just preordered it. Loved Waitress as well. I hope there is a resurgence of movies like it. I'm getting tired of blood and frat humor.

  7. I love characters like this – that are so endearing, you can't help but root for them even though they're committing adultery. Her husband was so despicable, too… Ugh.

    3 Teens' Mom is right – you HAVE to have down time. Good for you for putting your needs before your neighbor's.

  8. I loved this movie!
    Just curious…What would be in your "i don't like long hair on men pie"?

  9. This is regarding the Newsweek article – it states that your husband is naturally thin, yet he looks large in all of your photos? Does he not also have weight issues?

    FROM SK: Must be my photography because he's nowhere close to large.

  10. Ok I feel pretty strongly that time spent doing nothing, watching tv, lounging on the couch is a legit activity, esp if you've carved out that precious hour from a crazy week. You earned that hour and dont need to torture yourself with what else you could be doing. You are doing something, enjoy it.

    I have this battle with myself when I start a movie and find myself typing work emails halfway through… or making to-do lists as if that's a halfway productive activity by itself. Sorry Sallie, but I say Stephanie was too busy to bake while watching… someone else baking on tv ; )

  11. Loved this movie. I sooo want a piece of chocolate cream pie right now with sliced bananas and whipped cream. My "I'm sick of sitting here at the computer and wanna stuff my face with chocolate" pie.

  12. OK, I have a question which is not to be taken as an criticism, I'm honestly interested in your answer:

    You've said in the Newsweek article and other areas on your blog about being fat as a teen and not having boyfriends because you were fat. I am wondering if it really had to do with you being fat or because you had red hair and freckles. I know that sound ridiculous, but I'm serious.

    I had a friend in high school who was overweight (I was overweight in high school too) and one of the main things I heard from guys ALL THE TIME was that they didn't like her because she had red hair and freckles. Her and I were about the same size, but I had lots of guys who liked me (I'm brunette). Now of course, it could have been any number of things, but no one ever said "I don't like her personality" or "She's ugly." or anything like that. It was ALWAYS, time and again, the red hair and freckles thing.

    I mean, it's bad enough to be fat in high school, but to be fat AND have red hair and freckles? Double gross.

    Did you ever then or do you ever now, feel unattractive because of your red hair and freckles? Were you ever self-conscious of that? Because I see guys all the time who are with fat brunettes, but the fat redheads don't seem to have their pick.

    What do you think about this?

  13. Congrats Stephanie on weighing 135 pounds. That is quite an amazing goal since I recall a few months ago you were at leat 10-15 pounds heavier.

    Also, looking forward to another girly list post about new makeup/products.

  14. I also love Felicity. I have yet to see another TV show that depicts real life situations with such grace and similarly grounded in reality. Friday Night Lights comes very close. I plan on giving my daughter the dvd of all the seasons of Felicity when she is old enough to appreciate it.

  15. Loved this movie! It totally made me want to want to bake pies (or bake anything for that matter!) although I am not so sure I could come up with something so clever as “I-Don’t-Want-Earl’s-Baby Pie”. This movie was cute beyond words!

  16. Are both photos the same age and weight? or is one supposed to be as a teen? THey look the same to me. very confusing

  17. I loved Waitress! My only problem with the movie is the ending…

    (spoiler alert)

    I was really rooting for the Keri Russell and the Nathan Fillion, disappointed when it didn't work out. Still, it's one of my favorite movies.

  18. I agree with bethgrd! Are those the correct photos? Because the one on the left looks so thin to me! You can see your ribs! Please clarify, I think a lot of the Newsweek readers will be turned off if that is you as a "fat" child!

  19. Ruby, I totslly agree. Newsweek did Moose a great disservice by implying that either of these thin appearing photos was an overweight teen.

  20. I have to agree with some of the girls here….what is up with those photos in the newsweek article? You look so dam thin! It doesn't seem appropriate for the headline above it.

    Kelly, I so agree…..definite disservice to Moose and what it is about with those thin photos of Stephanie as a teen.

  21. Where did the picture of you as a teen in the bikini go?? I saw it earlier today, but now it's not there. You should post the one of you in the black one piece and the one of you in the bikini side by side. That really shows a difference.

    And it'll also clear up the confusion of everyone who saw the wrong pictures earlier! :)

  22. OK, so as a redhead with freckles, I must respond to Suzie L's comment, as well as similar endearing comments from my favorite late night comedian Chelsea Handler.
    For starters, everyone has always complemented me on my hair at every age, as it's a really awesome copper color and I have yellow/orange/green eyes to match.
    But like you, Stephanie, I was an overweight teen/adolescent- at 5'2" my heaviest was 145 lbs, 15 years old. (Oh, and I'm so with you on the 3 bowls of cereal after school, my mom was always stocking the cabinets with "diet" junkfood like fat-free cookies, crystal light, lean pockets, diet coke, reduced fat peanut butter, etc…. In general stuff with lots of preservatives, no vitamins, and fat and sugar substitutes, which to me only seemed to confuse my metabolism).
    Anyway, I will admit that when you are overweight and out of shape with pastey white legs and moderate acne, the whole freckled complexion, blonde eyelashes and eyebrows just adds to the common "ugly duckling" stage.
    Magicly, somehow between senior year of HS and college, I discovered the gym, salads, vegetables, an appreication for wholesome divine food, eyeliner/mascara; then lost 15 lbs, plucked my eyebrows, found a foundation pale enough for me (thank you, Prescriptives), and started wearing SPF 25 moisturizer every day which faded the freckles.
    In general I think that red hair and freckles are unique and beautiful accessories to accent to an in-shape, confident, put-together adult, but clash on an awkward teen.

  23. I think I've seen Waitress; but then being married to a movie buff, we see so many differet movies it's hard for me to keep them straight. (I'll ask the hubby) ;-)

    NOW, on the long haired men. How could you not LOVE a beautiful mane of hair on a sexy guy?! Granted I outgrew loving that look, and the men who wore it, in the 80's. But I have a few memories of running my hands through some beautiful, long hair. I'm talking men who bought better hair products than I did. (And I've spared no expense in that category)Not the type I would have considered any long term relationship with; but left me with some memories that can still bring a wicked smile to my face.;-)(They were musicians, so long hair was not only allowed, but expected.)

    In movies, I let go of my moral convictions, even if for only 2 hours. Watching movies is a chance to "check out" of reality and go with the plot; whatever that may be.

    Did you ever see Intersection, with Richard Gere? That was a movie that had me cheering for "the other woman." Of course in reality, if the wife were one of my friends, I'd be kicking some "other woman" a$$, up one side and down the other. Reality versus fantasy. Two different playgrounds.

    I'm glad to see you taking some time to check out for a little bit and just watch a movie. You've more than earned it.


  24. As a redhead, I agree with Amy B.'s comments. Unless you're thin and gorgeous with perfect skin from day one, redheads seem to have an especially awkward teen phase. I always felt pale and ugly, and I had no idea how to handle my hair or what kind of makeup to use. Having sensitive, acne-prone skin didn't help. I don't recall ever receiving a compliment about my hair color in those days, but now, 10 years later, I regularly do. My heart goes out to redheaded teens — you'll get your due someday!

  25. In reference to Susie L's comment, I think it takes a high degree of confidence to appreciate having red hair, pale skin and freckles. I myself do not have traditional red hair; some consider it brown, while others see the red. However, I do have the pale skin and freckles and can relate to the struggle of looking a way that many in society do not deem as being traditionally beautiful. I was undoubtedly influenced by this and until recently I have detested my pale skin, but finally this summer I am embracing it fully, and banishing the fake tanner. It all comes down to being confident, if a person has that, I don't think they can ever be seen as "gross." And I am sure Stephanie and many others can attest to this, many teenage boys eventaually do grow up and appreciate red, pale skin and freckles as well.

  26. Umm… Also a red-head here. Well, actually a Strawberry-blonde. Some say I'm not a true red-head, but I won't go there for now. The point I am getting around to, is that I think there are so many factors in what makes teen-age boys attracted to you, and teen-age girls like you that you probably can't blame the red hair and freckles. I was always complimented on my hair and people stopped making fun of my freckles once we got out of elementary school, but I still wasn't all the popular and rarely got dates. Poeple are mean to you for many ridiculous reasons – because you have a crush on the same boy, or becuase you are smarter than they are, or because your parents have money (or don't)… It rarely makes sense. Sometimes they don't even know why they don't like you, so they choose sometime obvious – like hair color… I once had a friend that was made fun of because she had "chicklet teeth." I remember it because I still can't figure out what that even means. She was a beautiful girl with a nice, big smile. Kids are cruel. It's rare the person that goes through adolescense with out either being bullied or being a bully (or both).

  27. I think a lot of what factors into whether or not teenage boys like you is how they thought of you from the very first time they met you. For example, if Stephanie was able to shed all of the weight during high school, boys still wouldn't go for her, since they always had known her as the fat girl, and that's the only thing that they associate with her. I went to school with most of the same people from elementary school through high school. I wasn't part of the popular crowd, but I wasn't a dork either. However, I knew for a fact that a popular boy or two had a crush on me, but they would never actually go so far as to ask me out because I wasn't part of the "in" crowd. Even as I got to be better looking as I blossomed out of that awkward teenage phase, I knew I wouldn't have a chance with them. They never dated outside of their circle. And I guarantee you at our 10-year high school reunion next year, they will spend their time talking to the cheerleaders that are now fat, instead of a much-better-looking me. Not that I care (really, I don't!), but I'm just trying to make the point about how people in high school can have such a fixed perception of you.

  28. I wasn't aware before today that there was a hair-prejudice against long haired men… How does that work? Now, the mullet I can understand…

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.