If the best of all possible worlds were reality, I would be a mother of healthy children, a wife, and a writer. I would live in a new house, with steam showers, full tubs, and dimmer light switches. I’d have land, a pool, a hot tub. I’d have a lovely SUV, and no one would ever suggest a minivan. I would be connected in a deep meaningful way to my husband, and we would keep our marriage a priority and a goal throughout our lives together. We would have trust, respect, and friendship.
Above is something I wrote on the second day I ever posted to this very blog, January 21, 2004. And so much of it has come true already. Maybe life can be fair sometimes. Maybe Karma does work. Now all I need is the hot tub and pool. It’s so strange that I happened to buy a house where nearly every light is on a dimmer, where I actually have a steam room and sauna, full tub, land and SUV (though, I think the only reason I wanted an SUV back in 2004 was because I was obsessed with having more space, while living in a one bedroom apartment). It’s strange that I dreamed it all up, just that way. To wish I could be a mother, wife, and writer, and then for it all to happen. It still amazes me. I’m just so happy with my life. Some people get what they’ve wished for, and still, they never feel content. I am so happy with my life, my children, and my husband. I love having this time to myself and the babies. I’ve decided no more television for a while. Too many studies say it’s bad news for children under two years of age. It means more work, giving them my full attention all the time. And I’m okay with that. I actually like it. Tonight we listened to Christmas songs, as I read to them from holiday decorating books. Okay, and a Big Bird’s Adventures book that they like to eat. And I love every last noodle of it. Yeah, Lucas puked all over me: the sweater, the jeans, the hair. Who cares? He’s doing great. His spinal tap results are in… and well, basically, they revealed nothing. His WBCs (white blood cell count) was much lower than last time, but the doc did say that didn’t mean much, since this time it was taken from a different place. The fluid came out THICK… which initially scared me, but I knew it wasn’t anything. And I was right. Just some old cyst or something. They’ve tested for everything, and it has all come back negative. Maybe it’s all the prayers. I’m so thankful. I really am. I feel incredibly lucky and fulfilled in life. It scares me sometimes to say so, as if I’m tempting "the Gods." I’m just enjoying while I can, which I suppose is all any of us can do.