chicago borders

I’m without "maternity outerwear" in "the windy city," which translates roughly to: oh so screwed.  Before leaving for Chicago, The Suitor checked the weather report for me.  He might have mentioned thirty-something-degrees come nightfall.  I don’t fit into anything.  He offered me his sports jackets.  I looked like a dumpy man in need of a haircut.  I was having none of it.  So I’m all about the mismatched layers, I’m afraid.  I’m embracing red and aqua together.  I’ve done it on paper, but I’ve never worn pale blue with red before.  Blue barn jacket with red scarf.  Why the hell not?  I feel like one of those ladies you see on airplanes, traveling with her husband and an expensive overhead leather bag (except I’ll be doing neither).  I always admire these women, the ones who appear so put together and coordinated on the airplane, right down to their jewelry, socks, and somehow stylish yet still sensible shoes.  These women must plan their lives with lists of paper.  They have regular hair appointments and return to the same manicurist weekly.  I rarely return to the same place, never mind regularly, or to the same manicurist.  I’m such a last-minute-mover, but this time, I had at least a night to figure out what to do about the outerwear dilemma.  I’ll most certainly live.  I cannot wait to meet readers today:

CHICAGO!  TONIGHT: 7:30 PM at Borders Books: 2817 N. Clark Street
I’ll be announcing the location of our "cocks and mocks" outing at the reading. (Duh, Cocktails for most; mocktails for me.) 
I still don’t know what to read.  If you have a favorite bit that you’d love to hear read aloud, please say so now.



  1. you may have addressed this before…but will you be making a stop in washington dc on your book tour?

  2. I'm not the whole way through the book yet, but I really like the part where you and Gabe get married. It's dramatic, so I think it would make for good read-aloud material. Not sure if it's long enough, but it gets my vote.

  3. Well at least you’re not getting all dolled up like those older gals flocking their way to Atlantic City wearing sparkly t-shirts, lucky bonnets and huge red beaded bracelets. Nothing can be worse than that—I think you’re doing just fine. As far as keeping warm, a nice hot cocoa and Bailey’s should do the trick!

    If I were there, I’d want you to talk about the horrifying sight you saw in the trash can of the waxing room. My OCD flared up BIG TIME when I read that in your book! Oh LAWD—-no no no no no!!!

  4. re: the underwear, just buy a big 'ol pair of granny panties, they work great for maternity. you're gonna look cute with the mismatched outerwear.

    and i also admire those ladies with the shtottsy overhead bags and the perfect look. i saw one the other day and i literally turned my head to watch her walk by.

  5. Hey Stephanie, wanted to let you know that I was in my local Books-A-Million yesterday and located your book in the biography isle. I promptly picked up three of the four books and placed them prominently on the endcap with other assorted biographies. I put them standing up on the middle brackets so that they face out and really grab your attention. Since I am an aspiring writer, and have read your book, I wanted to do you a favor; which I hope someday will be done for me as well. Good luck with tonight's reading!

  6. I think men live in different climates sometimes. They are warm and we're shivering away with a jumper on. Go for mis-matched – I think you can get away with it. Worn with confidence it comes across as quirky, I'm sure…

  7. I laughed out loud at the british metrosexual date, where he wanted you to use conditioner on yourself and then you taught him what to do. Coo coo ca choo indeed! But too racy for Borders?

  8. I know this is probably a non-issue for you, but I'm still amused anytime blames someone else for not telling them that it is cold in Chicago at night in mid-October. For two reasons. You're from NY. Think about what the temperature might be here, and subtract a few degrees for Chicago. And unless I'm mistaken, a lot of US cities have newspapers, and most newspapers have the weather for big cities. It might take you all of a minute to have looked up Chicago's weather.

    Disclaimer-Being from NYC, I consider Chicago more of a village than a city, but I defend their right to feel otherwise.

  9. these women perplex me, but the most confusing are the women on the subway at 6:30, clearly coming home from work, that still look perfect. how is that achieved??
    p.s. i'm sure you'll look adorable!

  10. It's chilly but not too bad. Plus, you'll be able to catch a cab really quickly at that location, it's usually pretty busy.
    I'd love to hear the "mushroom" story if its possible.

  11. Oh my gosh (yes, I've calmed down after my colorful post yesterday), I think the part about the one night lover with the olive massage oil is absolutely hysterically funny. I wish I could be there, but I know you'll do great!

  12. I can't wait to meet you tonight! I enjoyed the British metrosexual date as well! You looked hot, he was hot, why the hell not, right?

    I'm bringing a camera to take pictures, is that ok? I'm very excited! You know, I met Oprah in Feb; but this is so much better…YAY!

  13. Jill– I do the same thing! Whenever I'm in a bookstore, I stroll around, find a few copies of Straight Up and Dirty, and move them to the new releases table up front :)

  14. you have to find someone cool at the bookstore that will do that kind of thing for you when they do all the straightening up late night. . .

    sadly, i'm in CT so i don't get to go to a reading. . . whaaaaaaaa.

    no baileys for mommie-2-Bs.

    as for the weather, its really a crap shoot these days, if you think about it. i say layers, or a cute big sweater will do the trick. although i'm sooo not going there, leggings are back, and since you are pregsx2, you may be able to pull that off with a loose sweater and nice jean jacket (casual) or fancier jacket for dress up. and since its cold, boots are great!

    3 of my best girlfriends are preg currently, and they are all at that point that nothing fits, but not ready for mat.clothes. ugh. when i get there, i'm so screwed. i have to wear suits everyday. i think i'll wear my comfie blanket with a belt wrapped around it. ha. yeah yeah. . . i'm not pregs, so i can hear it already "shut up girl". :)

    best wishes for the reading in C tonight. fun fun fun.

  15. Regarding San Fran reading will you be doing Cocks & Mocks too? I hope so, I'm coming from LA and can hardly wait.Also, my fiance is doing a fashion show wednesday evening at Neimans if your in town and you would like to come with email me or if you need a dinner date.

  16. Read anything about your former mother in law. All of it is highly amusing, and easy to relate to.

    As to the clothes, find an Old Navy and buy a black maternity coat. It will only cost $40 bucks, and with the right scarf if will look like it cost more.

  17. Just a little word of advice for people going to the reading in Chicago-GO TO COCKS N MOCKS!!! Who cares if you have to work the next day-hanging out w/Stephanie and Phil and other readers was really a fun night out-and if you go by yourself-no worries-you will find someone to talk to. And for reading, I think Gay Max and Christian are great subjects. Hope you have/had a safe trip. Kathy in Austin.

  18. Layers are awesome. I used to be a layering queen. Remember in the 90s when it didn't matter if your layers matched? I was thinking of actually bring back multiple T-shirts with flannel. Maybe if you do it too (you know for the purpose of keeping warm), it could be an underground fashion movement. It'll start in the Midwest and spread from there.

  19. Please tell me you are doing a reading in the Portland area. I have never been to a reading/signing, but this I would love to attend. As for the in-abundance of clothes, I understand! I had twins 2 years ago, and let me tell you, eventually you will feel like you need to stabilize after standing and before walking. I have some great tips for comfort during a twin pregnancy. Unfortunately, you won't be able to breath and sleep laying down. But don't worry, so worth it!

  20. I was a big fan of the wrap as outerwear when I was prego. The best part is you can wear it when you are not pregnant and it is perfect for Texas winters. I was in Chicago last week and they had some really pretty inexpensive ones at NY&Co on State St.

  21. I can't think of a favorite part to the book to read… I read it in two nights after working all day and for sure I need to read it again with some baby post-its so I can mark the sections I really like. I'm too far from any of the readings :( Anything going on with a podcast of one?
    I was surprised to read Jill and Bobette's comments – I too move the book to a more prominent spot when I am in Borders ! I leave a few where they are supposed to be, but move some right to the front "new hardcover" section that's right when you walk in!

  22. Read the part where you get the bikini wax with Helga – hilarious.

    For what it's worth, I thought some of the best writing in the book was the part where you had the abortion. You wrote about it so eloquently, but I don't know that it's something you'd feel like reading aloud.

    Either way, looking forward to tonight!

  23. I think the part where you discuss the guy you tumbled on the rug with after he pleaded with you to come inside once you fled to a cab is funny. What was he thinking using Olive Oil as "massage oil?" Otherwise, any part where you realize that you are destined for greater things like at the party that where the old man crudely talks about curtains matching drapes and the right person overhears it to mean you are a red-carpet photographer. Any of the funny stories about your friends who helped you through everything are excellent as well.
    By the way, after reading your book and blog, I doubt very much you are the Old Navy type and not sure they even have one in the city, so maybe you could try Belly Dance Maternity while you are in town to find warm clothes :~)

  24. I just had dinner at Nice Matin on 79th and Amsterdam and saw your girlfriends there! Cool to recognize them from the photos on your blog and your readings in NY. Hope Chicago was a success! Looking forward to tomorrow's post.
    All my best,

  25. I'm with DeannaBanana, please come to Florida! Maybe that will get some single men to come out for once!! Good luck tonight!

  26. I have been following your blog for a while now and its great that you are now a published author. That must be an amazing feeling, along with being pregnant and getting married with the man you love…. (gosh your life must be perfect..)

    I was just wondering if you know if your book is going to be published over seas as well. I live in Holland and would loe to read your book, but i cannot find it anywhere.

  27. you were radiant and wonderful last night. i didn't make it to d.o.c. to ask you more about photography and writing. hopefully you enjoyed the windy city.

  28. publishers pay to have their books on endcaps and "new releases" tables, so i imagine someone will just put them right back where they belong!

  29. I'm so glad I was able to make it last night. You look great. I loved the reading.
    It's always interesting to hear a writer read and interpret their work. It gave me a better idea of the thought behind the writing.
    I hope you get to eat something other than pizza while you're here.

  30. Have you made any progress with your maternity 'outerwear' search? I'm thinking you need to be looking at layers for right now. I handle Isabella Oliver from NYC…any requests?

  31. When I was pregnant with my little girl (who is now five months old) and had to go to Minnesota in January for work, my mother-in-law loaned me my husband's gradmother's fur coat, which is 45 years old and cool in a retro way. She gave it to me and said, "Here, I think you can wear this, X's grandmother was a bigger woman, too." God love mother-in-laws! While it sucks to have to deal with cool weather dressing while pregant, at least you will have those babies before it gets too hot. That was wheat kept me sane. All pregnant women are different in shape, but I used the belted fur coat and and another belted trench I had to manage.

  32. (whines)

    I used to live right over there near Wrigley Field, just a jump away from Borders.
    So unfair! I would have loved to meet you.

    Im moving back to Chicockgo in 9 months.

    any chance you'll tour the city again?

  33. I had moved to Chicago just a couple of months previously, and gotten a new job, etc. – excuses for why I hadn't checked your blog in a while.

    Then on Tuesday, during the workday, on a complete and total whim, I thought, "Hmmm, I wonder how Stephanie's doing," and checked your blog and OMG just about peed my pants!!!!!!! Told the husband how much I wanted to go to the reading, could he watch the kids, etc. and found my way to Borders without a map, even! Yeehaw!!

    Stephanie, it was great! The reading was soooo good! The book, also soooo good! I'm struck dumb by how well you stuck up for yourself with the guys who couldn't be bothered to buy you a nice dinner. It's given me food for thought with how much I've put up with over the years ("buddy," "dude," and way, way worse).

    I wish you luck with the rest of the tour, and especially the darling twins, whoo hoo, can't wait!

  34. I can't believe I had to miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You probably needed to bring long maternity underwear. It snowed yesterday for chrissake.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.