There was a woman in my JCC writing class who dreamt of her husband before ever meeting him.  I remember writing in the margin of her work that I got chills when I read it.  That night, after class, I vowed to keep a dream journal beside my bed, so I could scribble down as much as I could before it escaped into awake.  I maybe did it for three nights.  But occasionally, I’ve written about my dreams on this blog.  Almost two months ago I wrote this (read the whole thing), and once I returned from the Dominican Republic, I realized my dream came true.  Positively pregnant.  I was terrified of being happy again.  What if it was another false alarm?  After all, those damn "5-day early" tests didn’t work!  I didn’t get a positive result until a week after my expected period, when I was in New York for the week.  Maybe the HCG hormone wasn’t strong enough.  Maybe my progesterone levels were too low again.  It was bittersweet.  When I returned to Austin, we made a doctor’s appointment.  They took blood and said everything was excellent.  I wanted to believe them, but until I saw a heartbeat, I’d keep up with my dramatic "if"s.  At two months pregnant we went for our first ultrasound.  I was terrified.

"Please just tell me you see a heartbeat," I said, staring at the familiar ultrasound monitor.
"Well, there is a heartbeat, but…" our doctor said after probing around for a bit.  The Suitor squeezed my hand.  "There are actually two heartbeats.  Do twins run in your family?"  I started to gasp and laugh and cry. 
"Oh my God, really?  I mean my grandmother had twins, but she miscarried, and I know they run on my mother’s side."  I couldn’t shut up.  I also couldn’t believe it.  After everything I’d been through, the abortion, the miscarriage.  And now twins.  I couldn’t stop crying.  "Are you sure?  I mean are both of them okay?  Do they both have a heartbeat?"
"Yes, I’m sure."  Then he pointed them both out to us.  "They’re both the same size, which is good, but we’ll watch that, make sure one isn’t getting all the groceries."
"And they’re both healthy?  I’m just so worried because of last time."
"Yes, they both have strong healthy heartbeats, and everything, including all your blood work, looks great."  Then he excused himself from the room, and my Philip pulled me toward him and hugged me tight, tears in his eyes.  And while I dreamt "super pregnant," he’d been chanting "twins" all along.  "Because you’re way too sick to just be carrying one in there."  But we’ll get into that another time.  For now, it’s only good things.  I am just… beyond.  I’m currently ten weeks pregnant, due mid-February, and we don’t want to find out the sex, or sexes, of the guppies.  Now excuse me while I go throw up… again.



  1. OMG…. congratulations!!!!

    One of my best friends had twin girls two years ago, completely unexpected, they have been the biggest joy in her life. I'm thrilled for you and will be wishing a healthy and happy pregnancy for the two pea pods:) *MWAH*

  2. Aaah…made me all weepy and snotty right before bed. Congratulations to you and the suitor!! Now excuse me while I go get some tissue.

  3. OMG!! A HUGE congratulations to all of you! Wow….what great news. Good Luck!! Houston loves you and I always hope that I have you on one of my flights as you go back and forth to NYC. (i'm a flight attendant)

  4. WOW!!!! That is awesomely fantastic news!!! I am so happy for you guys. Throwing up is a good thing. I remember being pregnant and every time I threw up would chant to myself, "It's for the baby, it's for the baby…" and it helped motivate me through those tough spots.

    Wishing you guys all the best!!!

  5. Congratulations from Italy!!!!
    I'm so happy for you and the suitor!
    to say good luck we said "in bocca al lupo" (in the mouth of wolf)
    and you have to answer "crepa!" (crack!)

  6. Congratulations from Italy!!!!
    I'm so happy for you and the suitor!
    to say good luck we said "in bocca al lupo" (in the mouth of wolf)
    and you have to answer "crepa!" (crack!)

  7. When I first read your Double Negative entry, I dreamt about you. Twice. Mazel Tov! Mazel Tov! My teen-twins should be home any second. The best is yet to come. Congratulations!!

  8. Hi,
    Sounds wierd but the past few weeks I started wondering if you were pregnant! I know that you like to leave things from your blog for a while, so you can enjoy some private time. I have just finished reading you book, and I loved it. I read it in one day! Congratulations Stephanie, you deserve a lot of happiness. x

  9. Stephanie that's awesome!! Congratulations!!
    Do you think the move to Austin helped? Well, no matter…you are blessed with two little ones. I'm so happy for you.

  10. I have been reading your blog for over a year now, and I have been rooting for you!! I don'y know you, but I'm extremly happy for you!!!

  11. That's made my afternoon, I can't imagine how excited you must be! As a long time lurker, I couldn't not comment :) Congratulations to you both!!

  12. Yippee! How exciting! We are due around the same time, only I have to wait until next week to hear the heartbeat. What great news, congrats!
    Now go stock up on some ginger ale & get some rest while you can :)

  13. Congratulations Stephanie,
    you and the suitor both deserve this so much!!
    Two wonderful little miracles!
    Blessings and warm thoughts to you for the rest of your pregnancy.

  14. First of all, mazel tov! V. happy for all 4 of you. Second of all, some props to me, please. I called it when you wrote about being virusy a few weeks ago. In fact, I'm so damn happy for you, not to mention feeling a bit smug on my behalf, that I'm going back to bed for half an hour. You should, too.

  15. Dear Stephanie … You were planning a wedding knowing you were pregnant? So now are you gonna wait till the angels are born, or get married NOW.

  16. I had a feeling that the wedding plans combined with the pregnancy silence of the last few weeks was golden. What wonderful news!! Mazel tov twice to you & Phil & to the grandparents to be.


  17. Hey, congrats! I am 5 weeks ahead of you. The sickness will get better. :-)

  18. May I add my name to the list of well-wishers. You and the Suitor both deserve so much happiness. Everyone here at work sends their regards as well. I keep everyone posted. Huge hugs and kisses to you and Phil.

  19. What pleasant news to wake up to this morning, Stephanie and Philip! I am so pleased for you guys, beyond words. Sending many positive thoughts and prayers your way for health and happiness to all of you!

    Wow, so very happy for you!

  20. Squeal! Giggle!

    Now Linus will have TWENTY little toes to lick instead of ten, and double the rogue Cheerios that get flung from high chairs onto the floor to gobble up.

    Time to go face the real estate market again, pronto.


  21. I just got teary reading that!! Congratulations to you and Phil! You are going to be wonderful parents.

  22. Oh my freakin god. Yah did it!!! Congrats!!!! Remember lavender baby oil will prevent stretch marks. Look at that prenatal advice from a 22 year old. Get ready for much more ;-)

  23. I, too, miscarried and shortly thereafter got pregnant with twins. I was so very fearful that if I couldn't keep one going, how could I successfully grow two human beings at once? Now my boy/girl twins are 14.

    When you get scared, and that probably will not ever really go away, remember that the human body is a pretty amazing thing and much stronger than we give it credit for. I read somewhere, long ago, that 95% of pregnancies worldwide result in healthy babies. Worldwide, not just for women, like you, with access to excellent pre-natal care.

    I hope you are able to write about the first year — mine was a blur. My kids sometimes ask 'when did I start walking', or 'what was the first word I said' — I have no answer. All I know is that my husband and I kept them alive, and they are now (along with their older brother), healthy, happy teenagers. I don't remember much of that first year aside from getting hit with a wave of strong feelings of incredible love and devotion — and really, if that's all I can remember that's just fine with me.



  24. Wow, sounds very familiar.
    I went for my first ultrasound at 7 weeks and found out I was having twins. Scary, exciting, fun, thrilling all at the same time.
    I had them and we had to move, so I did it with no friends or family to help.
    I am now the proud Mom of 3.5 year old B/G twins.
    You will be a great Mom.

  25. Hi Stephanie,

    Just another one to add to the evergrowing pile – but oh my gosh! I am so so so excited for you! Though I don't know you personally, I am sure that you are going to be an excellent mom (and Phil a great dad, and your dad an amazing grandpa).

    Wow! What a great way to begin my day!

  26. Many, many congratulations! I wish you and the Suitor the very best and may your pregnancy be healthy and happy! What lovely news for you!

  27. That is fabulous news – congratulations! And the best part? You now get to eat not just for two, but for three! :)

    Best wishes to you, Phil, and the gupsters.

  28. I'm a twin (identical with my sister), my mom's a twin (fraternal with her brother), her brothers are twins (identical men), cousins, etc., etc. I got pregnant by accident and swore it would be twins, just to spite me. When I found out it wasn't, I was a little disappointed.
    Mom had great advice: when you have one baby, you have to make sure you get time for yourself and don't spoil it. If you have two, that becomes doubly important. Let them cry sometimes. Don't hold them all the time. Those two things will help them become independent and able to sleep through the night sooner. That and feeding them when they wake up instead to put them to sleep.

  29. There was a feeling of something going on with the sporatic posting lately… Congrats! Hope the morning sickness isnt too bad but one trick is to never let your stomach get empty – keep crackers next to your bed – whatever you have to do because it gets worse with an empty stomach – and take it easy in that heat!
    Wishing you all the best —

  30. I always read but never comment…couldn't resist.

    Cheers to the beginning of a new chapter!

  31. Many, many congratulations! I know it sound stupid when you're throwing up, but enjoy every moment of being pregnant. Its the last peace you'll have for many years, and its a wonderful time. Just wait til you feel them kicking. Nothing like it.

  32. Wonderful, absolutely wonderful.

    Congratulations to both you and the suitor.

  33. Congratulations!

    My wife and I had twins four years ago, and you are about to embark on the ride of your life. One baby is a lot of work. Two is nearly beyond the limits of human endurance. But somehow, we all endure.

    If I may be so bold, I'd like to offer some practical advice.

    First: You will be hearing from a lot of people "I wish I had twins." Ignore them. They don't have twins, and if they did, they wouldn't say it. Think of something polite to say to them NOW, so that you don't kill someone out of frustration and sleep deprivation when the babies are six months old.

    Second: Find a support group for moms of twins. Also, many hospitals have classes for expectant moms, and special classes for those expecting multiple births. Lots of cities have groups with names like "Mothers of Multiples," and some of those groups offer special support for young mothers, like group members who volunteer to come to your home and help out. Take advantage of this.

    Third: Expect these stages: the first year will be living hell. Remember that both babies have to sleep at the same time before you can get any sleep yourself. Things get a lot better when they start sleeping through the night. Next is the Terrible Twos, and two toddlers working together can generate four times the chaos of just one. Finally, when they start getting to be preschoolers, it will be like having two regular kids.

    There will come a day when you're out with just one of them (maybe the other is sick, or with daddy), and things will just seem too dull. Then it will hit you that what you are experiencing at that moment is what parenting is like for most people.

    Good luck, and don't feel afraid to ask for help. Despite the Macho Mom posturing, this is not something anyone can do alone.

  34. congratulations! wishes for a quick end to the sickness phase, and a happy and healthy pregnancy!

  35. Very good posting. I thank you for posting that. I ask you accept my apology for my weak English Skills, I am from France and English is somehat new to me.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.