but we’re not

If we were on speaking terms, I’d call you to tell you another weird thing.

Writing class just ended, and I came home to try to find my married life.  Well, shit.  It used to be in a box beneath my bed, beside my Dewalt drill, but it’s not there.  I need the journal I kept when I was married to help me remember.  “Linus, where is my married life?”  I wonder if he can smell it, the married smells of our old apartment trapped in boxes beneath my single bed.  Linus ignores my question and turns onto his back in my lap.  He looks like a stuffed Cornish hen.  It’s just as you’d say.  I wish we were on speaking terms.  I’d tell you I miss you.  No I wouldn’t.  I’d let you say it, then I’d smile.

As I search for my old journal filled with pages using phrases like, “He did it, again,” I stumbled upon Schott’s Food & Drink Miscellany.  It’s like the generic one on your shelf, but mine is better because we don’t like anything as much as food.  Not even each other.  You’d be jealous of my book, but you wouldn’t say so.  Instead you’d just say, “See, Klein, we’re so alike.”  We are alike in many ways, but I take the miscellany in life to mean more than you do.  I find detail and meaning in things because it gives me an excuse to say, “see, this is why we should be talking.”  If we were on speaking terms, I’d tell you that, and you’d smile.



  1. That's sweet Steph. I haven't been here in a while. I miss reading your blog..

  2. Off topic: just found a pic of your books cover. I like it a lot. Can't wait for it to be available. Happy New Year, Steph!

  3. Well … you could always call them. Of course, no one ever does that, though. It's these unsent thoughts that end up in journals and blogs but never actually in the intended recipient's hands.

  4. Stephanie…The initial stages of cohabitation always screws with our minds…and our memories. Remember the "But we're not" part…and why you're not. Try not to compare, or reach back too far (if you are). Are you?

    Ciao for now…

  5. Isn't it hard when we miss….we have these little bridge conversations in our head. I feel that way about my girlfriend Kim. Then I remember the jellyfish attacks and end the conversation I was having with her to myself….

    Ha ha. Hope your week is wonderful!


  6. Stephanie…I think it might be a good idea to examine why this is coming up for you now. As Teri aptly put it, "the initial stages of cohabitation always screws with our minds." Perhaps there's a need to reach out to the familiar?

  7. Doesn't anyone read that this is filed under "Past tense"? I don't think this is current…

  8. No wonder she doesn't give us many pieces of her current personal life (anymore)! Everyone takes one bit of information and turns it into an opportunity to psychoanalyze again and again…

  9. there's not much to analyze guys. sometimes things remind us of ppl who arent in our lives anymore. some losses are always with us. this is not a therapy moment, its just real and true and sad.

  10. My best convo we didn't share? OK, I'll tell you, but only because I know just how very much you want to know.

    Ring, ring. I pick up and say hello.

    "Hi. Just wanted you to know that ________ and I are getting married and I hope you'll come to the wedding.

    "Why would you want me at your wedding?"

    "Because we're friends."

    "What makes you think we're friends?"

    Can't tell you how much I enjoyed that conversation. I had it with him many times. The strange thing is, when I started thinking about it is when he actually got married. I didn't even know he was seeing anyone. Strange how stuff like that happens.

  11. In relationships, being alike is comforting, but it's the being different part that's where all the good stuff is, if you can hold on to get to it.

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