Last night, I went through a guided visualization exercise.  I had to picture in my mind a safe place.  I imagined the family room den from the house in which I was raised.  I was relaxing on the green sofa, looking out the sunny windows at a small tree I used to like to watch in the wind.  Okay, now you should see a figure.  Invite that figure in.  Focus on the figure.  Mine was a tanned bald man who might have also had long hair.  Very business in the front, party in the back.  How can my guide have a mullet?!  No!  This is all wrong.  Wait, now I see it, he’s bald.  It’s been decided.  He wore a brown leather belt saying, "Jesus Loves You."  He was very tall with wise warm eyes and a soothing voice.  He reminded me of my eighth grade global studies teacher, Mr. Bob Brandt.  I asked him to sit with me on the sofa.  "Please tell me what you’ve come here to say," I asked him.  Then I listened.  He looked me in the eye, taking both my hands.  His were warm, brown, and square, covering mine.  "Be patient," he said after some thought.  "Love yourself.  Be kind to yourself, and just be patient.  You have everything you want.  Stop being so hard.  Just be patient and forgiving of yourself."  I opened my eyes and said it aloud, "Be patient."  I have to let go and trust everything will be okay. I’m so in love and so lucky to have someone on my side, even when it seems we’re looking at it from different angles. 

I closed my eyes again and asked my bald guru, "Well what should I do?" 
He closed his eyes for a while, then opened them with a response.  "You should start drawing again.  And take yourself on more of your artists dates, the ones where you went somewhere new by yourself, with your notebook, exploring."  My God, he was right.  I’ve stopped doing that, stopped going out on my own, without my friends.  I need more of that in my life.  I’m signing up for a drawing class at the 92nd Street Y while I’m at it.  Tonight, I’m heading out alone, too.  Then I’ll meet my friends for drinks afterward.

I love this idea, that I can seek advice from myself through visualization.  Not so crazy about his fashion sense, but what the hell?  God bless us everyone, even those who dream about men with "Jesus Loves You" belts.


  1. Good for you, Stephanie. What a beautiful post to follow-up more or less. Now write that reminder, "be patient" on your bathroom mirror, use it as your screen saver, tattoo it somewhere you can see it every day, at least once a day. Trust me, it helps. See how amazing you are? Have fun getting back to you.

  2. I never understood how these thing work, to imagine someone talking to you about yourself…I've always been too grounded in reality to examine my life from an angle like this

  3. I could imagine myself being terribly distracted by the belt and not listening to the advice. Glad your eighth grade teacher made his way back to help you out. I try this sometimes, but I am way too distracted by my surroundings. How do you prep yourself? Any particular tips? I want to get some quality advice from myself.

  4. Hi Stephanie,

    This was a post that really hit home for me. I’ve been up and down with my anxiety and depression thinking—“Hey, when are things going to start happening?” The problem I have is ‘no patience’, as you said. I guess I’m learning patience as I wait for the gifts that are from God.

    Forgiving yourself is the biggest step towards any kind of healing—whether it be emotional or physical. Our emotional pain can manifest into a physical pain. When I went to my chiropractor, he told me that my lower back pain was due to emotional turmoil. I didn’t admit that I was an emotional wreck, but he was right.

    My suggestion? Get some Reiki done. It’s amazing. If you haven’t experienced this- it’s where someone uses their positive energies to tap into your emotional state—by light touch. It’s not a massage, it’s more like a healing energy—it unblocks those negative energies out of your system. You may come out of the session feeling emotional, and may even cry. Let it happen. After the whole process—you feel ten times better, and you see things with more clarity. Look into it if you haven’t. Just a suggestion.

    I wish you luck for the new year- and most of all, health and love.

  5. I'm a complete visualization enthusiast. I don't follow the same format as you do, Stephanie, but I think it's the sort of thing each individual tailors to their own needs. I've read some exciting stuff about the role of positive visualization in the treatment of cancer patients. Cool post. Hope your holidays are awesome.

  6. i think you have a lot of inner wisdom, Stephanie. You know more about yourself than most. It's heartening.
    Like Deb said above, energy work is a wonderful way to speed healing, emotional and physical. my mom does it for a living, so it's worth trying, if you feel up for it.

  7. I cherished my "me" time even more when I first moved in with my BF. Great that you're exploring your other areas of creativity.

  8. This roller coaster is no good. You're plotting its every dip and rise on graph paper. Stop micro-monitoring every twist and development in your life and thought process. Let life happen to you. Let experience accumulate without commentary, either in blog form or inner voice. Don't jump to savor the good or panic over the trauma. Stop the tally and get on with the business of living. Living.
    I remain senor numbnuts.

  9. You'll find the same tactic helpful after you have your first baby. New mothers give up everything for a new baby, and at first you don't mind all the giving – you want to do it, it's what you had a baby for – but eventually you feel depleted and you realise that you had stopped doing all those things that gave you the energy to give in the first place. For you it's drawing. Everyone needs to find their 'thing' that fills them up, recharges them.

    I can vouch for Reiki, too. It's wonderful.

  10. Thank you for all your positive comments. They really make a difference. They do. I do want to address, though, those that feel the need to point out "the roller coaster." It's a blog. Sometimes I'm happy. Sometimes I'm pissed or sad or hormonal. It's a moment in time. Try to remember that. I certainly do. I have to say, there's nothing more irritating than hearing, "What? How can you feel this way when just last week you seemed so happy!?" Come on! Please try to remember, as I've said many times before, this is a diary. I have a lot more going on in my life at the time than what you read in just one entry. Either way, though, thank you for all your kind comments.

  11. I can relate to your comment on the comments. For me at least, I'm often well beyond the feeling I've written about by the time I actually post and people get around to reading, so it's always interesting to read the feedback.

  12. I think instead of offering criticism, we should thank Stephanie for letting us live vicariously through her. Thanks, Stephanie, for being real, honest and putting your true thoughts out there for us to ponder. Have a fabulous new year – look forward to your next installment.

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