mistletoe moment

Wait, they always say it!  It’s a courtesy.  If he’s going to come and he doesn’t warn you, he might as well have asked you to go dutch for dinner.  I mean really, you just have to warn her; once you do, it’s up to her what she does with it.

“Wait, you mean there’s really an option?” my friend Louise asks while turning her 3-carat ring off its top-heavy side.
“Come on,” I said, “how could you not know there was an option?”
“Well, I didn’t want to become the girl where he says, ‘yeah, she’s the girl who doesn’t swallow.’  I mean that’s like, ‘yeah, she’s the girl with the lazy eye or pigeon-toe walk.  I’d rather die.”  First of all, if her guy were out with the boys, he’d lie.  No way would he admit his girl didn’t swallow, especially if he were with a group of guys.  Perhaps if he were one on one with another guy, and the other guy happened to be complaining that the woman he was seeing didn’t swallow the seed, he might mention her unwillingness to do the deed, but otherwise, it’s mum’s the word, all the way home.

Meanwhile, when I asked my other friend, to be known hereafter as “Fountain Girl” if she spit or swallow, she responded, “Huh?  What do you mean?  I fountain!”  Then she giggled and asked for another drink.  Then she giggled again, wondering when I would giggle back.
“I’m sorry, what?  A fountain?”  What does that mean?
“I give him a spray,” she said.  “Let him come all over himself.”
“But then what do you use to keep house down there,” Louise asked, leaning in for an answer.
“Oh, any old thing will do really.”  She sounded like The Christopher Lowell Show.  “A dirty t-shirt.  Socks.  A towel is old-school.”
“What about you, Beth?” I ask.
“I guess I do both.”
“Well, how do you decide?” Fountain Girl asks.
“On my mood.”
“I always swallow,” Amanda says while her conservative boyfriend is just shy of earshot.
“Wow, and you’re not even Jewish,” I respond.  I remember my conversation with Chris.
“I just think it’s more of a mess to spit, and it lasts longer that way.  Besides, you’re asking the wrong question.  The real question is,” she leans in and whispers, “will he kiss me afterward?”
“Well will he?”
“It depends on his mood.  But ’tis the season, so I’ve been lucky.”
“Oh, no, last guy I was with would never let me kiss him after I went down on him.  He thought it made him gay,” Fountain Girl added.
“Please, every guy has tasted himself.  And if he denies it, he’ll lie to you about everything else, too.”
“But guys?  Um, is there something wrong with me,” Fountain Girl asks, eyebrows pinched, “I think it’s sexy when he kisses me after he goes down on me.  It’s dirty and hot.”  The girls look at one another in silence and then, as if we’re cheerleaders practicing a move, we all shake our heads affirmative.
“Yeah, that’s fine.”  None of us care.
“Yeah, it’s weird.  It’s like after he goes down on me, he feels weird about kissing me, like he’s doing me some favor by not kissing me, but the truth is, I don’t care.  It’s all sexy and one hot thing.  Why parse it into moments?”  I won’t tell you who said that.
“Besides, women taste better than men do anyway.  Or at least I do.  It’s not like men taste bad, unless they’ve come from the gym and all they smell like is balls, but overall, there really isn’t a taste.  But, the aftertaste kind of stings a little.  Like I ate too much pineapple or ate too many scallops.  Sea scallops.  Yeah, whereas a woman tastes like–and ladies, I HATE to use this word, really, but like–lemon curd.  Ooooh, CURD is such a four letter word.  But still, you know I’m right.”  No one says anything.

Market research (at Stone Rose) says, “Best woman I ever tasted, tasted like General Tso’s Chicken.”
“Wait, that was the worst right?”
“No, that was the best.  You all taste totally different.  The worst taste like spicy pungent chicken.”
“Wait,” I interjected, “you mean to tell me ‘it tastes just like chicken?  As in, try it!  It tastes like chicken?”
“Well, uh, yeah.  But I can perform a taste test tonight if you’d like.”
“Yeah, bye now.”

All this talk came about after a few drinks with a few friends.  It really all began when Beth told me about her holiday.  “So how was it?”  I expected to hear about a long drive home, some traffic, about her new vintage LV bowling bag (Love the idea of NEW vintage).  Maybe hear about some spiral ham or lasagna.  Instead, I hear about her ‘oh so proper’ sister from Scranton, PA, who was married with child at eighteen years old.  She’s the proud sister of my fag hag friend Beth, and she hates the BJ just as much as Beth’s gay boyfriend hates to receive them.  It’s December.  “And you know what that means,” Beth says.  “It means January is coming.  No pun intended.”  Huh?  “You see it’s my sister’s husband’s birthday in January, and she only does the BJ once a year.”  Here she goes again with “The” BJ, as if it’s a button-down shirt.  “Anyway, when I saw my sister, she said, ‘uh oh, his bday is coming, which means he is.  Bethy girl, you know what that means don’t you?”  Then Beth fingered her diamond cross and guided it across her neck in a subconscious swinging motion.  “Bethy girl, you know I hate to suck a dick.”  Not her husband’s dick but A dick.  The apple doesn’t fall far.  Beth says “Oh, Adam doesn’t like THE blowjob.”  The way you’d say, “oh, he doesn’t like to wear brown shoes with gray pants.”  The problem is, come the holiday season, “the husband” begins to smile more, anticipating what he likes to call, “the mistletoe moment.”  Their entire family, including their mother, discusses this openly.  Everyone at the dinner table knows about the BJ BDAY.  They discuss it over pulled pork.  He’s a Capricorn.  “You know, it’s really not that bad,” Beth says trying to quell her uptight sister’s fears.
“Ugh, what about the germs, Beth.  My God, the germs!”
“Well you don’t have to swallow.”
“Swallow?  Are you kidding?  I wouldn’t dare!”  Turns out Beth’s sister brings a Dixie cup to the bed once a year to play catcher for the eve.  Oh, the Dixie Cup.  I never want to become this woman.  You know why?  In my fucked up head, all I could think is, “he’ll want to find it elsewhere if I don’t make him happy, so I better not be so uptight.”  I’m right there next to Louise thinking, “shit, I don’t want to be known as the girl who won’t swallow.”  But then again, I don’t want to be known as the girl who’s a bad kisser either.  Maybe I care entirely too much what anyone thinks?  Nah, if that were the case, this journal of mine would be hidden beneath my bed.



  1. I don't understand this endless discussion about to swallow or not to do. A guy never would lose a second of thinking of "licking a woman or not". He will simply do it. And why not? Most of woman like it.

  2. Steph, for EONS of time, men have been satisfied with just plain vagina intercourse. Believe it or not, during 25 years of marriage, 5 kids, that's all we did. And he's still crazy about me. As I read your blog, and many others like it, I get the feeling that you beautiful ladies are so concerned that he will take his buisiness elsewhere that you are willing to do *whatever* to keep him turned on and coming back. But look back in history — that's NEVER what got the man, and from what I can tell of the angst spilled out in blogs all over the US, it isn't what's keeping them now. Someone needs to break this cycle of believing that constant sexual pleasure is what's important. And to have the guts to say no. Do you feel like a lady performing this act, or a prostitute? If you like it, great, but look into your heart and ask yourself how it truly makes you feel. Think what a difference it would make to explore sexuality in marriage rather than with every new guy that comes along. Is this really what you ladies want?

  3. I think "to swallow or not to do" seems to be a never-ending story. Why only women have those thoughts? A man don't waste his time on thoughts like "is licking a woman disgusting or not". He simply enjoy it to get his girlfriend screeming! ;-)

  4. I never can object to a post that is completely related to sex – even if it is of the oral variety. I'm pretty sure, though, that I don't know many guys that wouldn't tell his buddies that his woman doesn't swallow, though. He'll either not mention the act at all or it's all coming out … so to speak.

    Rachel, I have no idea to which history you are referring. If you are looking to history to back you up, I think you may be out of luck. Men cheated on their spouses for decades. Often the marriage was nothing more than a business transaction and a way to secure certain lineal heirs. I'm not saying that any woman, or a man, should ever do something they are uncomfortable with, ever. All I really am saying is your comment was pretty silly.

  5. A couple of points…

    1. That post made it move, if you know what I'm saying. Sorry.

    2. Maybe we're the exception, but out of respect for the ladies in our lives, my friends and I never discuss such details – at least not while dating is in progress. I mean, you never know which one will become the wife, and do you really want your friends knowing that about your wife?

    4. If I ever received a fountain or a snowball , or any such thing, that would pretty much be the last time I'd ever be naked with the lady.

    3. I need to start dating Jewish girls.

  6. Dearest Stephanie. I dont think you will ever be known as "the girl who wouldnt swallow". I have a large and lusty group of lady friends. None of us are prudish or wielders of Dixie Cups and not a one of us swallows, however, should you get all of our significant others together in one place when we girls werent around, they would all swear that we did. Men lie about this to each other for some reason. We know that they do and we ignore them, because honestly, if you can do it well enough that they can come from it, and they are actually getting off, then why in the hell do they care where it goes? I dont think they do except when recounting it to their friends. I hope it comforts you to know that I have never swallowed ever and that I have received many a gasping, ecstatic compliment anyway. Happy New Year.

  7. This was a good post and very funny. But I found the narrative and construction of sentences hard to follow (as opposed to the subject matter — that I could follow very well, thank you very much!) You might want to work on how you tell a story through a dialogue among many people. As writers, we constantly need to work on our craft. And I think you're almost there.

  8. Here's to courtesy…and courtesy cups! "Oh I wish I were in 'Dixie,' hooray, hooray."

    Pretty funny Stephanie…have a happy new year with the Suitor.

    Ciao, Teri

  9. O.K. Hang on here a second. I just have to get to the once a year woman!! What???? Once a year? I read that correctly right? If she thinks his sperm is "germy" then her children must be considered dirty little things…..and I can't imagine she would let the "germ wand" (can't believe I just wrote that) inside of her at ALL. Lucky she married at 18…..

    I love the act – and to address Rachel – I don't feel like a prostitute at all and find the comment insulting. In a committed relationship it can be the most intimate connection…not to mention the moment of complete control you have. It is the one time in life where we literally have our man by the balls!!!

    That is my two-cents on the matter :-)


  10. I think that Rachel is living in some suburban dream land that I never want to go to. Men cheat. People cheat. Men like getting head. That's the way it is. It doesn't guarantee that a man will cheat if he's not getting the sucky sucky, but it's not an impossibility, either. Sex is about pleasuring the person you love (or the person you just met at the bar). Sure, you should care about how you feel and how you get off, but there should be honest concern for making your partner cum like a maniac. And if a BJ drives your man wild, but you think giving one makes you a "prositute" (therapy, anyone?), you suck it up (excuse the pun) and do it. That's love, dammit.

  11. I have never swallowed and I doubt that I ever will. Most men are happy to get a BJ that is performed by someone that enjoys it and is very good at it and that is all that seems to matter. There is a point that you start to get into specifics that really shouldn't matter. Happy New Year all!

  12. my husband says not swallowing is the equivalient to a guy taking his tongue off of a woman's parts at the moment she starts to climax…that yes, one still comes but it is not all that it could be. i'm a fountain girl myself but working on becoming a swallower. my issues though are related to trajectory and prodigous quantity. i've got a very virile guy here!

  13. Stephanie — I'm not going to comment on your writing style. I have always liked it from the first time I found your blog. However, I would like to address some of the "facts" expressed. Think of the following as "words your father might say" if he had the courage to speak on these topics to his daughter.
    Basically, I'd like to support Rachael on the "history" aspect. Not as to whether men (or women) cheat on their primary relationships, but on the topic of what is considered normal, expected actions related to sexual intimacy.
    I've been married three times. I never experienced an attempted BJ until my second marriage. I never experienced a "completed" BJ until my dating period between wife two and three. Wife #3 hates going down, and that did not stop me from realizing that she was the greatest woman in my life, and for being with her now for over 15 years.
    My father would have been 100 years old this year had he not passed away 10 years ago. In his declining days, he would on occassion discuss his randy earlier life. He had never experienced oral sex with any of his first four wives, and had only passing experience with wife #5. In his generation, oral sex was equated with prostitutes.
    I've also discussed this topic with my 34 yr old Marine son. He informs me that oral sex is "de rigueur" in his (your) generation. So, historically, fashion has obviously changed across time.
    Perhaps the more interesting question for discussion is why? What has happened in our 20th/21st century society that not only has eliminated public shame from some sex acts, but actually has made them expected and normal? And why has the BJ taken such a center stage in this discussion? And especially why has the topic of swallowing become so important?
    I have some opinions on that topic as well, but will reserve them for a later time.
    Bottom line — good sex is the spice that enhances a relationship, but it is not the main course. As to what makes good sex — that should be a totally individual decision.

  14. GVJim – I certainly respect the idea that good sex varies by the individual, but certainly a sample of 3 individuals does not make a very complete anthropological study.

    Lots of behaviors (or "fashions") have changed over the generations, not necessarily for the worse (although that is certainly up for debate).

    Without revealing too much about myself, i'm a historian. It's pretty hard to get a PhD in early modern history without knowing something about the sexual appetites of the people you study (especially since they liked to write about it so much). In no way, shape, or form is oral sex something new.

    In NO WAY have men been satisfied, as Rachel says, with "just plain vagina intercourse" for "EONS". From ancient Greece through the Renaissance and even during the Counter-Reformation (all the way up to yesterday), plenty of men (not all, mind you) wanted both oral and anal sex (and just because I mention ancient Greece or the Renaissance doesn't mean i'm talking about the man-on-man action, they liked it from their women too). And it's not just the writers and the famous who liked their sex "non-traditional". And it was only -publicly- associated with prostitutes – many men's wives would do it too.

    I'm not saying i'm an expert – i'm not. But false historical information raises my hackles, I guess i'm a dork like that.

  15. Look, if the guy I'm dating likes meatloaf, I make him meatloaf because it puts a grin on his face. Same with BJs. I am sure that in 1920, 1940, whenever…a man liked meatloaf and BJs. However, asking for a BJ then was equated to asking your wife to be more "whorish." Whatever. Times they are a changin'. I think a man has a better chance of getting a BJ than meatloaf most days anyway. (For the record, I can do both well). And the issue at point- it's up to the woman. Sorry.

  16. GV: I think a lot of has to do with the fact that you have two competing, conflicting trends in popular culture — overly sexualized through the media yet mega-puritanical (esp. with recent trends of hyper-conservative religion). So, the humble BJ takes center stage – it's not "sex," so you're not being immoral (subjective belief, but one I think many people in my generation adhere to) – but at the same time you're sexually satisfying your partner.

    Regardless, I say, close your eyes and swallow. But use mouthwash later.

  17. One word: Chaser. Swallowing is easy. Since it's the aftertaste that poses the challenge, a chaser of any flavored kind…juice, soda, etc., helps. You know what Julie Andrews had to say about it. "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." OK, so she wasn't referring to come, but maybe dear, sweet Julie was.

    A BJ is entirely more intimate to me than penetration. I once wrote a screenplay in which a character said, "It's easier to fcuk than suck." I won't say that's my credo, but it's true.

    (I love this blog entry. Funny. Actually raises a valid questions. The truth is always best couched in humor, in my opinion. At least in certain forms of entertainment.)

  18. Jessica and others,

    I believe the point that Rachel and GVJim have been trying to make is NOT that oral sex is evil, or that people should only practice vanilla sex. What they are saying is that there is a lot more to building a long term relationship than just getting your particular physical needs met. Whether or not a woman swallows, whether or not she is comfortable with oral sex shouldn't be deal makers or breakers in a relationship. In other words, don't base whom you have a relationship entirely on sexual gratification.

    Ultimately, as a man, whether or not a woman swallows is not on my list of things that I find important.

    It seems ironic that in this post femnist, post equality age, so many young women spend hours discussing how to sexually please a man, but not what deeper qualities they bring to a relationship.

    My two cents to women out there, stop worrying so much about "swallowing." It's not worth that much of your mental energy.

  19. To "Perhaps, GV & Rachel",

    Spit or swallow may not be "important" or on the top of your priority list, but a) it seems like our generation talks about these things way more than yours ever did; b) we're a lot more open-minded to going the extra mile to please our partners; and c) swapping information with our friends can actually help our situation once in a while (i.e. keeping juice nearby – nice.. (beats water).

    And it IS fun to talk about…

  20. I'm not sure how you misinterpreted my message. I merely disagreed with 1) the notion that men have been satisfied with only "vanilla sex" (or whatever you want to call it) for eons, and 2) that a 3 person study verifies the hypothesis that the appetite for oral sex has changed over time.

    Thing is: some men have always liked to get it and some women have always liked to give it. Perhaps it's just our willingness to discuss the intricacies of it that is new.

    And by saying that "It seems ironic that in this post femnist [sic], post equality age, so many young women spend hours discussing how to sexually please a man, but not what deeper qualities they bring to a relationship", it seems you are saying that women are taking a step backwards. But certainly feminism is about evening things out, it's about pleasure all around. Knowing how to please a man is still part of that – just like we want them to think about pleasing us.

  21. It's never been a big deal for me, and I think it's really more about common sense than all the psychological things people assign to it. I swallow because it's less of a hassle, but spit when there's too much or it tastes too foul. He kisses me when there isn't a taste he doesn't like in my mouth, and that's all there is to it most of the time. I find that too much calculating makes the sex bad :)

  22. Nia,

    I don't think it's a generation thing. It's a perspective thing. I'm 27.

  23. Jessica said…"it seems you are saying that women are taking a step backwards. But certainly feminism is about evening things out, it's about pleasure all around. Knowing how to please a man is still part of that – just like we want them to think about pleasing us."

    Actually, I do think a lot of women are taking a step backwards. In my personal experience, a lot of young women today equate sexual promiscuity with sexual equality. When I go out, I meet plenty of women in their 20's and 30's, wearing miniskirts (during winters in Boston no less) and talking about their sexual adventures.

    They assert their sexual "independence" by dressing the way they do and having random hookups – ironically, by acting this way, these women actually are appealing to the crudest of male desires.

    I'm a 27 y/o man raised by a single mother, and I'm single and not by choice. The thing is that it's hard to find a woman with class – the kind fo class women of my mother's and my grandmother's generation had.

    I meet plenty of women, and unfortunately a lot of them have no issue talking about and initiating sex after knowing me for about 10 whole minutes. It's hard for me to keep a conversation on life and art and jobs, before she brings up sex and how fierce and open she is about it. Personally, I am looking for that woman who prides herself by her intellect and her kindness (certainly NOT what great blow jobs they give, and spend hours talkig about it).

  24. You know, there are so many people out there with 'oral sex issues' —and that's okay. Whatever someone likes and dislikes is their business…however, if your partner desires it, then you really have to compromise and be more attentive to what your partner needs.

    As far as any "OTHER" problems re: taste/scent/etc… Well, being a lesbian, and my partner and I being together for 12 yrs…we've noticed that if your diet is not so good, it'll definitely show. It also has to do with different times of the month, hormone levels and other factors. One day she'll taste sweet, and at others, it'll have a different take on it. I think everyone's so different with 'preferences' in that area.

    This was a very entertaining post. Hmmm….Swallowing? Well, it's a given in 'my lifestyle', (ha) but as far as being with a man (which I have in the past)——-yes…….I do believe it's a must in my own opinion…….because if I were a man and saw a fricken dixie cup on the side of the bed, I'd be insulted–thinking, "What? Do I taste bad? Is it that awful?"

    Remember that episode on Sex and the City where Samantha told the guy, "Your spunk is funky." Well, some men are—AS WELL as some women are as well. Goes both ways here…

    Great post- and VERY well written! Love your writing! Keep it up!

    Happy New Year!!!

  25. Again, I think my comment was saying something much less than you thought it was Prude, but since i'm tired of explaining, i'll just say that I agree with some of what you've said about sex being a very upfront issue these days and that not being a very attractive thing sometimes (at least to me). This brings up all sorts of frustration I have about the lost (and quite sexy, in my opinion) art of subtlety, but I digress.

    But it's really not just women who talk that way. I don't think it's a "feminist" issue (however we all might define feminism here). I don't want to get technical here, it's just a blog, after all.

    But as a parting note, I agree that promiscuity does not necessarily equal equality. But equality is subjective and therefore about feeling equal. Some of these women really do find their dress, actions, and attitudes to be liberating. Why judge? Men might not be dressing the part (who wants to see man-thong anyway?), but their actions are often the same. Maybe someone might want to say that both sexes have taken a step backwards by publicly flaunting their promiscuity, but certainly not just women. But to say that is to project your moral ruler onto others, which I don't find interesting or intelligent.

  26. For the record (for prude), I have never brought up sex first…it's always the guys and often, way too early.

    Meatloaf is a meal. Here's a recipe:

    16 ounces ground beef
    8 ounces ground pork
    2 eggs
    4 ounces fresh bread crumbs
    2 ounces chopped garlic
    1/4 cup olive oil
    3 ounces chopped parsley
    1/2 cup tomato relish, recipe follows

    In a large mixing bowl combine beef, pork, eggs, bread crumbs, garlic and tomato relish. Finish with olive oil, and then pack into a 9-inch loaf pan and place in the middle of a preheated 350 degree oven. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes or until the center of the meat loaf reaches 170 degrees.
    Finish the meat loaf with remaining tomato relish and broil at 500 degrees until tomato relish begins to crust. Allow meatloaf to cool before slicing.

    For the tomato relish:
    4 large tomatoes
    3 red peppers
    2 onions
    4 ounces ketchup

    Chop tomatoes, peppers, and onions into a medium dice. Saute over high heat. Finish with ketchup. Lower heat. Reduce to a simmer.

  27. here's what I don't get. When girls say they spit, where in god's name are they spitting? On him? Next to him? In a strategically placed cup by the bed? Do you get up and run to the bathroom? I've never understood that. Guess that explains why I'm a swallower: by default. (My husband just farted across the room as I finished typing that last sentence, hereby confirming the fact that he will be experiencing neither spit or swallowing tonight. sigh.)

  28. In response to Jessica,
    "Some of these women really do find their dress, actions, and attitudes to be liberating. Why judge? "

    Because Susan B. Anthony and all those women who fought for your equality and liberty in this society weren't fighting for your right to wear miniskirts and seduce men at bars.

    Because women of my mother's generation proved themselves at the work place and in academia so young women of today can have equal access to employment and education and political representation. Not equal access to meaningless sexual encounters and trashy miniskirts.

    Have lots of sexual partners and parading around clubs and bars in bar tops do not make you a femnist.
    "But to say that is to project your moral ruler onto others, which I don't find interesting or intelligent. "

    You and others on the thread implied called Rachel and VG are backward and closeminded. Well, that's judging to me.

    So believing that women should pride themselves based on their intellect and kindness is neither interesting nor intelligent? Believing that a woman is a whole lot more than what sexual pleasures she may bring to a man is neither interesting nor intelligent? Oh wow.

    I'm sorry – I simply do not respect a woman (or a man) without class; I don't save my respect for a woman prides herself on her sexual escapes, her expensive outfit, and her fantastic bedroom performances and nothing more. I apply the same standard for both genders – I apologize if that is ignorant of me.

  29. Just for the record, and to speak to what Prude said – when I mentioned that it's fun to talk about, I really meant with friends…not amongst guys I'm just getting to meet.

    Happy 2006 everyone, and may we all find just what we're looking for – both in the heart and in the sack!

  30. Sheena/Cathy-
    Who are you to say that she's "almost there"? This is a blog! It's not a polished story; not even a first draft of a story….it's more like the ramblings in your journal that come before the first draft. Plus, the writer was trying to disguise her own remarks in that conversation. In her outside writing, when she's trying to be, I'm sure that she's "there."

  31. Perhaps a Prude, I think I love you. Too bad I'm old enough to be your mother and I'm happily married…

    Hmmm…"Perhaps" you should try older women?

  32. Hey, Pnutz, congrats! My man is only 2 years younger. You win! :)

    I hate it when a small percentage of women give all of us a bad name. Sometimes I'm actually embarrassed for them – and myself. "How tempting it is to sell our souls for what we think will be the prize. We women have been to willing to objectify…to make ourselves sex objects and make men (or other women) marriage objects. In so doing, we have lost the possibilities of relationships. It is not possible to relate to an object. Remember, one has to perform to get the prize. One has to be to relate." Anne Wilson Schaef.

  33. Wow, was Susan B Anthony just brought into this? I think this thread is officially dead. To me at least.

    And to think, i'm teaching a class on women's history soon – I guess people should be fearful of all the young minds i'm apparently going to corrupt.

  34. I think that maybe some of the women in here don't really know that much about men. In my entire life, I don't think that I have spent more than a couple of hours talking about sex, and most of that was just in my early twenties talking about so-and-so hooking up with someone else. I have not once talked about whether the women in our lives swallowed, nor have I heard anyone else bring this up.

    But for the record, I believe in fair play. If you expect your guy to spend x number of minutes tasting you, then you need to do likewise. what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

  35. Tried the meatloaf recipe a couple of nights ago–excellent! Glad I used a meat thermometer, because it actually took an hour to get up to 160. Some of the directions…well, obviously it was written out of experience. For instance, I knew enough to use oil to saute the relish ingredients, but a novice mightn't.

    Hope that doesn't sound like criticism, 'cause I *really* liked the relish. It's something I never tried before.

    Served it with cilantro potatoes from _Taste of Home_ magazine, a copy of which I found at the vet's office that day. It's a recipe magazine. Very Midwestern. Full of Lutheran-church, Ladies'-Aid-dinner-in-the-church-basement type of recipes.

    Love your blog. Excellent writing and storytelling!

    Mark in Tucson, AZ

  36. It's been my experience that even if you are warned that it's coming, that it is a split-second decision whether you are going to spit or swallow. It's kind of like tequila, you either pour it down your throat in one swift gulp, or it's not going down at all. In the instances where I have had the slightest hesitation about swallowing, I noticed that my cheeks would fill up like a chipmunk hording nuts or Dizzy Gallespie, and at that point, swallowing was no longer an option. Something in my brain was calculating how many swallows it would take to clear this mouthful and how much might escape down my chin in the meantime. It reminds me of when they have to eat the sheep bladder on Fear Factor. If you don't go ahead and gulp like it's a beer bong, your man is out of luck.

  37. swallowing is easier. it leaves less mess. sometimes i'm more willing to swallow than i am to give the actual blowjob. long story there.

  38. I hate blowjobs. Always have, always will. I also strongly believe if they go looking elsewhere for "it", the relationship had alot more wrong with it than just that. However, it doesnt mean I have not given them out. and I swallowed when I did. I do have a strong gag reflex though which made me swear never to do it again after awhile. The next guy I dated after I made that promise, before he even knew my hate for blowjobs, told me he couldn't come from them. Therefore, he enjoyed intercourse more! aka my perfect man:)

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