“You know who I think is a slut?”
“Who?”  My cab driver, I am certain, is Martin Landau’s beatnik twin.
“Paris Hilton.”
“Yeah, that’s news.  Can you turn on 1010 Wins?”
“I just had two ladies in my cab who told me she wears blue contact lenses.  She has brown eyes, but she wears those contact lenses because she’s jealous of her sister who has naturally blue eyes.”  I own blue contact lenses.  Actually, mine are turquoise.  I should wear mine today.
“And you believe that?”
“Yes, those women were southern," he says as if "southern" means "scholar."  "They told me they have Poland Spring water in Georgia.  You’re drinking city water with 80% profit.  That water comes from Maine.  How can they have it in Georgia?  What they want is the little guy.  Always after the little guy.  And in the subway, you can eat there, but now you get a $50 dollar fine if you drink and eat.  Bringing more men, servicemen underground.  They fined you this way, and that way.  So I work on Sunday because there’s no limousine commission working on Sunday, and I don’t want to get fined.  My brother told me to get a haircut.  But I won’t do it.  This is me.”
“I hear ya!”  I’m a big believer in, "this is who I am.  Deal."  Even if he does have facial hair that resembles something you can purchase from your butcher.
“Yeah?”
“You gotta be you.” 
“Paris Hilton has to be a slut then.”
“All righty then.”
“Football and hockey are too violent for me.  I’m glad the Astros won.  They’re in it now, you know.”  I didn’t know.  “Now they have a chance at the series."  Clearly, now they’re in it, but taxi day is past tense.  "Golf," he continued,  "you put a little ball and you chase it.  What a silly game.”
“What about boxing?”
“Oh, that’s fixed.  Totally arranged.  I don’t bother.”
“Nascar?”
“Dangerous sport.  Dangerous sport.  It’s all who’s going to put up the money for a $50k car.  It’s all games.  Baseball must be alright, bet wise, because they eliminated Pete Rose.  He was almost as slutty as that Paris Hilton broad."