Every morning for the last week, I’ve awoken to a double chin.  Linus is not the one getting fat; I am.  I don’t know how fat because it has gotten to the point where I need to diet for at least two weeks before I can even face a scale.  I awake promising that today will be different.  I come up with a plan and make steps toward achieving it.  I pack a gym bag, complete with socks and a pad lock.  An alarm is set.  I know exactly what I’ll eat for breakfast.  None of it helps.  I’m still a sloth with a double chin and a stomach that won’t deflate.  I’ll drink a lot of coffee so I shite and lose my appetite.  Even Starbucks doesn’t make coffee strong enough to fix fat.

At work today, a co-worker noted, “Wow, you look quite lovely and fashionable in that skirt.”  The skirt was high-waisted and hid everything worth hiding.
I responded, “Please, it’s the only thing that fits.”  It’s a problem.

Hell, I might as well just go off now that I’ve got this whole, I suck thing going strong.  I lied this weekend.

“I sold my car last year, so now I rent.  But if I were to ever buy a car again, it would be an SUV.”
“Why is that?”
“Because my apartment is small enough.  I need space where I can get it.”
“What kind of car did you have?”
“A BMW.”  I had a Saturn.

Why did I go there?  Why did I lie like that?  What does it say about me?  After saying it, I rationalized in my head, “well, I would have had a BMW.  Many a MID drive BMWs.  My younger sister has a BMW.  I would have too, if I hadn’t just stuck with my first car from high school.”  What is wrong with me?

And finally, while I’m full of ugly, I might as well have something to show for it.  Tonight, as I iSighted with Chris, I didn’t bother to remove my lover Mario from the bed.  Now I’m sharing him with you too.  At least he loves me, double chin and all.