the daily news

Here’s what I don’t like about blogging.  I don’t like the people who comment about misspellings or grammar.  Save us all.  I don’t have an editor or a penmanship brain.  Deal.  I don’t like that I’ve stopped recounting my days and weekends because I worry I have to “say” something worth something.  Something entertaining.  I don’t like how people assume who I am, that they know all about me, that “I leave so little to the imagination… what’s left to learn?”  I don’t like that people miss the fact that I never write about work or my friendships.  No one ever hears about my relationships until they’re well over.  Yes, it comes with it, so does my bitching.  Deal.

I have mannerisms, cadences, real curves that extend beyond the S in my name.  I’m a person, and so many people comment, posting anonymously, thoughts they would never dream of saying in front of another human.  It makes me worry about people… how they hide and behave so destructively.  Here’s what I really don’t like about blogging… I don’t like what I learn about strangers.  I don’t like learning how cruel people can be when trying to caption it as “funny.”  It’s actually not funny; it’s cruel.  And I can finally post this because lately, no one has actually hurt me.  Most of the time, it does hurt.  Maybe I’ve just grown so used to negativity, that it no longer stings.  That’s what I don’t like about blogging.  It’s just another thing you have to develop a callous for.  Another wall you have to build after you’ve gone and made yourself vulnerable.

In hebrew school, in 4th grade, I remember when Mrs. Weiner said, “always behave as if God is in the room.”  I loved that idea.  I loved the idea that someone was watching… a witness to the cruelty.  Karma would come to my rescue with a blue cape and red gloves.  I loved the idea that God witnessed everything because I was mostly the victim back then.  I am not proud of all my behavior in life.  I wish in so many ways I could be different, but I’m a good person.  I don’t belive I do anything with the intention of hurting anyone, and it’s very hard for me to understand the malicious, mostly jealous, but malicious behavior I’ve seen aimed toward me  and other bloggers.

I don’t like that it’s become entertainment.  That I have people reading and analyzing, trying to figure me out, or put me down, or tell me how much they love me.  This blog wasn’t about you, but now it is.  I don’t like the stalkers that come with blogs.  Criticism, being called self absorbed… big fcuking deal.  Here’s a newsflash… it’s a blog, mine is STORIES ABOUT MY LIFE… it’s all about me… you come here and read it.  Yes, it’s self absorbed, but there’s a difference when it’s a blog that allows for comments… it becomes a dialog.  I listen.  And in the listening, I’ve learned that I’ve made a difference in lives, just by sharing mine.  And that’s what I love about blogs.  I’m warning you now though… this blog is getting a new category titled “Daily.”  So I can still write for me, my moments, so when I look back on this blog, I can recall what or who I did that week without worrying how it’s written.  Okay, that was for you.  The rest of the dailies are for me and Jon Stewart.



  1. Very glad to hear it. I think for the reader blogs are about what you take from them and if that is hatred/jealousy/malice, why read? Although i do like a good helping of hate every so often, spreading it accross the Atlantic to a random stranger would be unnecessary and as you say-cruel.

    For me your blog is a guide. Living in london it is my ambition to cross the pond in the next couple of years to exchange the greatest city in the world for the second greatest city in the world as my home. I therefore look forward to your new daily category with anticipation. My own NY guide from a real NY girl.
    p.s loving your late night posts-gives me something to read before work!

  2. I feel you. If someone wants to fire off at you, they should at least have the balls to leave an email address. I've been getting flamed by some person on my blog and he/she refuses to come out from behind the veil, justifying it with some bullshit,"I'm not so stupid as to post my real email address…" I just want to figure out what the person's real beef with me is. And why even read the blog if you're a hater?

  3. just want to say that i appreciate your writing, i wont ever comment on your grammar or spelling, and i think every blog should have "daily" category.

    thanks for sharing.

  4. Pardon my ignorance of blogging, but why don't you just turn the comments off? People who you know and like could be given an email address that you check often and the rest of the readers one that you look at once a week and delete all the junk from.

  5. I agree with you 100%. If you don't have anything productive to say, then keep your mouth shut or better yet, keep your fingers off your keyboard. When someone's pleasure comes from attacking another person verbally, then that person needs to seek help…the mental institution kind of help.

  6. agree 100% with mike. if you blog, and you open your blog up to comments, you have put yourself out there for anyone and everyone to comment on it. And as tends to be the case in life, some people will have comments that you may not find constructive. thats why people dont leave their diaries out on a table at starbucks with a big sign that says "please comment". but i can guarantee you if they did, that the negative vibe would be flowing quite quickly (along with positives). you said that you understand that a blog opens you up to the world, so maybe this is a plea for change, and nothing more. And thats fine, that is your prerogative to make that request, and i might make the same request (it cant hurt). but, unfortunately, its also anyone who chooses to read a public diary (which is really all a blog is, and i dont mean that disparagingly) with a comments function to comment anyway they see fit.

    and as for anonymous comments, some people choose to protect their privacy. And i wouldnt rule out that if you spewed some of the rhetoric in person that you spew on this blog to an anonymous commenter, that in person they may very well not sit quietly. because in person your interactions, or confrontations as the case might be, dont leave an audit trail (they are in the moment, and when the moment is over, its over). its more difficult for the crowd of onlookers to track you down (and potentially harass you) if you are simply some guy/girl that responded to someone in a bar. but with blogs, people take email addresses, they google them, and then the same people that you view as positive based on their posts, spend an inordinate amount of energy harassing (sorry to use it again, but i dont have a thesaurus close by) the commenter.

    so anyway, nothing personal by my post, i just think that if you blog, and you dont want feedback, turn off comments. but i would hazard to guess that the high that bloggers get from positive/awestruck readers is the reason that they leave comments open. think of how ridiculous it would be for an editorial section of a newspaper to make the request "we will take letters to the editor, but only nice ones that agree with us and tell us how great we are". If they really want to prevent negative feedback, they wont have a forum for responses.

    and i guess i find it really hard to believe that some bloggers could not imagine that their postings might be offensive to some people, and illicit negative feedback. i mean seriously, you seem like an intelligent woman, do you really believe that you can throw out any perspective you want and not have someone disagree, especially when the perspective could be viewed as incendiary to many people?

    but the whole "its my blog" line by bloggers is actually quite funny….completely unrealistic, but funny nonetheless.

  7. Stephanie,
    Forget everyone and continue your wonderful stories. You fucking rock with your honesty and if people can't appreciate it, then screw them and their negativity. You'll see from reactions like mine that you have the support of numerous fans that adore your truth. Because you are sincere and straighforward and you voice opinions and ideas that we all have, but don't possess the balls to say.

  8. Rather than be inspired to maliciousness or criticism, it is your blog and that of your friend Barbara that inspired me to begin writing my own. I've never found your blog to be anything less than what it fundamentaly has always been: namely, stories about your own life and your experiences, and that is precisely why I, and I assume the majority of your readers, "tune in" as often as we do. I won't be clever and say "I love you", but I love your work. So the nay-sayers have their opinions. I believe there's a rather unflattering expression that addresses that.

  9. Well, I'll admit that I have commented on a couple mispellings in your blog – "Eeyore" and "In-N-Out" being the two that I remember. I didn't do it to be mean or offensive. I just hate it when people get the words wrong. (See "Bull Durham"). I get the words wrong too though and I'll look back at my comments and see all sorts of typos and want to fix them, but I can't edit my comments. I never thought it offended you. If I had, I would have never mentioned it. I was only trying to help. Sorry.

    I don't think I do the other things you mentioned.

    As to your hatred for negative comments, you opened yourself up for the public. You are a public icon (a very small one, but public nonetheless). Not all people will agree on anything. You take the good with the bad because some will love you and some will hate you, just like The President, Jon Stewart, Julia Roberts, Michael Jackson, etc.

    If you don't want the comments, turn off the comment feature. (That's my very Dr. Phill-like assessment of the situation.) Unfortunately, it sounds like you just want to hear how wonderful you are from the populace, and not anything negative at the same time.

    Mean people suck, man.

  10. Kind of ironic that this post comes right after your trashing of Tony Danza. You find his manner irritating; why be surprised when someone finds yours irritating?

    I read because your selfishness and utter lack of self-insight (demonstrated perfectly by these 2 posts) is entertaining to me. If you don't like that, you shouldn't blog.

  11. I'm surprised to see you say that you don't like that it's become "entertainment". Didn't you take a nice check from Judith Regan for the book and possible film rights? That was your choice, right? You have made yourself a public figure. While I agree that sniping and character attacks are out of line, in some ways, right or wrong, that goes with the territory.

  12. Of course it comes with the territory. That doesn't mean I can't write about not liking it. It's called whining. I'm good at it.

    Of course at the end of the day, all the positives there are to blogging keep me doing it. I LOVE MY BLOG… doesn't mean I can't complain about the trash that stops in.

  13. i like your writing
    i like that you allow yourself to be open to everyone's thoughts no matter how inane, malicious or true
    i understand the difference between jealousy and envy
    mean people suck

  14. Sadly, I think that some people don't have much of a life- so they make these mean comments on people's blogs (mine has also been targeted) just to stir up trouble- grasping at straws to reach out for attention.
    Now I'll get hate mailed for that. I don't give a shit.
    If you don't like it- don't read it- that's my theory.
    I love your writing Stephanie. If I didn't I wouldn't read.

  15. Long time reader, first time poster.

    I know that it sound repetitive, but I can say that those people who post cruel comments are clearly jealous. I've read some blogs and I have wanted to comment on entries that I thought were silly but in all truth, I was just jealous of their life. I never did comment in their blogs and I hardly ever comment on any blog. I do believe this is my third time writing a comment on any blog.

    With that said, I love your writing. I don't think you need to write to please anyone else because this is for you, and only you, regardless of what anyone else thinks. You have inspired me to write more eloquent entries in my own blog though I am nowhere near the level you have obviously acheived.

  16. i was just talking last night with some fellow 'bloggers' about how the internet is this giant, level platform where assholes seem to have full blanket rights to express cruel and mocking and downright rude things, often under a veil of anonymity. it troubles me, too, that so many people choose to spend their free moments of any given day being so cruel, mocking, and rude, rather than to take all that effort and energy and direct towards something positive. even though you, and many of us fellow bloggers, share threads of our lives and thoughts and moments in stories and sentences on the screen, strangers feel it's appropriate to make broad evaluations based on those words. ultimately, we're all strangers. all we can do is to keep writing, and to do our damndest to look beyond those strangers that have that negative reflex. your voice is far more powerful than theirs, stephanie!

  17. I have been thinking this for a long, long time!

    This is YOUR blog and OURS to read. My momma taught me "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". I think a lot of people have forgotten about those words of wisdom.

    I hate when people correct grammar and spelling. I am definately a stickler when it comes to it, but everyone makes mistakes. It's crazy that I have actually gotten my grammar and spelling corrected in a comment, and it has always been something so minute! People just love to point out others flaws.

    Anyway…I've done enough rambling today. I'm not gonna say "I love your writing!" LOL, but I have to say that I respect you and your writing.


  18. I have to agree with this post but you must remember that a lot of times things that are written can be read wrong. There is no tone that can help with what the writer is communicating. Often times people either assume that a comment is mean, when it could just be sarcastic or "trying to be funny". It is hard to convey sarcasm in writing. It's not hard to spot the cruel, however.

  19. if you don't like the heat
    get out of the fucking kitchen

  20. I read blogs for the daily stuff, the updates on real life. So if you like posting that stuff, know that there are some that like it.

    And to those that bitch, of course some things a blogger writes aren't going to be good, funny, entertaining, whatever. You read for the good stuff in between that. And if you never see good stuff, then why the hell do you keep reading??

  21. I look so forward to reading your blog everyday….this is the first time I have commented on it. I think you are a brilliant writer and I find myself so jealous of how fabulous you are, or how fabulous that you seem to be. You are open and honest, and you are really living your life the way you want to live it. Whether you care or not….I think you're great and I enjoy your blog, so please keep it up.

  22. Hi.

    I've never commented before, but I've been reading for awhile now.

    I just wanted to tell you that I like the way you articulate things. You do it with style, a kind of grace that makes the voice in your writing strong and original. I don't know. Most people seem to have issues with honesty it seems, for various reasons, vulnerability being one of the first on the list. You're honest, and that's probably what frightens others off, and you create your own metaphors through your own personal photographic experiences, which makes your writing genuine and real.

    Don't let the negativity or criticism get you down. Without critism, even critism without substance, I don't think we'd be able to fully appreciate the value of being complimented, even if it's a compliment that comes from an obligatory impulse, or if it's someone that is truly telling you that your work is worth something.

    And I guess the shorter version of this comment is that your work is worth something.

    Oh, and about the grammar thing?
    The English language is so fucked up (excuse my French) anyway. Any grammar mistake that becomes habitual could probably become a rule eventually anyway.


  23. It's your blog babe. You get to do whatever you want with it. However, it would be great if those people who didn't like your blog or what you wrote just turned off the channel, rather than feeling compelled to express themselves.
    what point does it serve? and more to your point, it is the cowards who say the crappy things when you can't see them. If they stood in front of you they would be mute. And maybe even telling you, "you're fabulous".
    At the end of the day, it's your blog and your choice what to write about.

  24. There is a button you could use- Delete.

    It's a sad fact, nevertheless it's a fact that people get judgemental and "blurt" out things they are not supposed to say.

    Guess we haven't changed from our KG days, eh.

    Nice blog btw, takes me all the way to N.Y and back to my boring room (My life in China kinda sucks.)

    J, the Alien in land of Dragons.

  25. The internet is an abyss of anonymous opinions, screen names, and weirdos. If you wanted your blog to be an elitist place with well wishers and no perverts, nay sayers, or stalkers, you're barking up the wrong tree. The internet is what it is. Your blog, by your choice, is a part of it. You have to take the good with the bad. Leave this topic alone and just go on writing what you want. Or, take up writing in a journal again. But whining about the way it is perpetuates it.

  26. Personally, I don't buy the "if you open yourself up for comments you're inviting people to have an opinion." Bull shit. Nobody's entitled to an opinion about your life unless they know the specifics that you can't get from a blog. I've gotten lots of flack from all sides of the fence about choices I've made and whatnot — opinons from people who know nothing more of me than what I record for them to see.

    To opinions like that, I proudly say, "PISS. OFF. FUCKBUG."

  27. Love your writing, love that you share – not aware that I am a stalker!

    I'm always amazed at how much negativity comes out in all over the place – the iMBDS comments often start off with something innocous about a movie and degenerate into flaming.

    My local Mac user group has very little flaming and a great deal of constructive impact on its members. All any of us can do is put it out there and hope we all do some good each day.

    If you needed any justification to keep going, I hope all the comments on this thread do it.


  28. Here's an anonymous comment I just received (and deleted from the Italy section):

    hon nobody gives a shit. i wandered into your site by mistake, had a quick look, and boy, do you need a reality check on life. u come across as an utterly self absorbed a-hole. nobody in the real-world gives a fuck about your pathetic self-promoting life and dull blog. just to be insulting, you a prissy jewish-american bitch. now piss off.

  29. The people who post those nasty things, and the temptation to point fingers and name names is great, but I won't, obviously lack in real life the balls to actually speak their minds. They feel inadequate and therefore are angry at and jealous of everyone. You have a great gift, if you didn't we wouldn't all be here posting on YOUR blog.

  30. Reasons not to blog:
    Stalkers, co-workers, your boss, your boyfriend's parents, hearing everyone flatter themselves with "is this going to end up on the blog?", trolls, cruel anonymity.

    Reasons to blog:
    The stalkers who lead you to meet your hot detective, validation, freedom, venting, exposure, good drinks from fans, fans, meeting new people, making new friends, listening and reading from a new perspective, gaining good critique to help you improve your writing, photography, and life. The anonymity and inherent comfort that comes with expressing yourself where you feel you might otherwise not be heard, carving a voice for yourself, having something you can call yours… knowing the success and creation of it is yours.

  31. Stephanie, you know what they say about my good acquaintance John Updike, don't you? They say he's a wonderful writer but he has nothing to say. Isn't that more or less what your critics on this blog are saying about you? And isn't that a perfectly understandable and acceptable response given that your self-proclaimed ambition is to be a well-regarded and highly-respected writer?

  32. If it wasn't for your blog I would never have tried Magnolia's Banana Pudding…

    So just in case it isn't said enough thank you.

    Personally, if I find a blog that I don't like, I don't waste my time going back and reading it again. Whilst constructive criticism can be fantastic, basically abusing someone behind the safety of a keyboard is weak and one of my pet peeves of the net. I am really enjoying your posts lately and it seriously gives me that taste of NY that I crave – and I love the comments being 'on' – sans those that are just plain rude.

  33. You indicated what you love about blogs – dialog, listen/listening, & sharing – but I was wondering, what more do you want?
    Obviously the nasty comments are going to keep coming. But if they were to cease, what would you like to see happen in the comments section?

  34. Yeah.

    I've only been blogging for a couple months now, but I've already got a readership of about 1000 people a day. I know what you mean about the pressure to entertain; I feel guilty if I post an entry that is sad, and I find myself thinking that I have to do something fun and interesting this weekend so it will make for a good read on Monday.

    I've left my comments on, too. Most of the time people write wonderful things, but the bad ones can really hurt, even when they are written by someone who's obviously crazy. I tell myself that the negative comments don't mean a thing, but doesn't that mean that the positive ones don't mean anything, either? I'm still figuring it all out. It's nice to know that a veteran blogger whom I admire is struggling with some of the same issues.

    Please don't stop. You are wonderful.

  35. People who criticize are just jealous of you. If they weren't, why would they keep reading? Just keep doing your thing-you obviously have a ton of people who enjoy your blog & would miss it terribly if you took it away!

  36. I'm sorry but what else do you think this is goind to be to us besides entertainment? Why do we read blogs, magazines or books or watch tv? for ENTERTAINMENT.

  37. Reading someone's blog isn't entertainment like watching tv or reading a magazine; it's entertainment like being invited to someone's home for dinner. Yeah, you're doing it because you think it will be interesting and fun, but if it turns out not to be interesting and fun, you still have to be polite. You might make a mental note not to return, but you still follow basic rules of decorum.

    Reading someone's blog should be no different. It takes strength and courage to open one's life and heart on the internet, and those who do so should be treated with kindness and respect, even if you don't like what they're writing.

  38. "It takes strength and courage to open one's life and heart on the internet"

    Perhaps it does, but I think the bigger question is – why do it at all if you're not prepared to deal with the dialogue that you have initiated?

    The web, by definition, facilitates interaction. And those who blog have chosen to engage.

    Stephanie, a word of advice: Back in the day there was an online journaler (no such thing as blogs way, way back in 1998) named Sara Astruc. She was wildly popular and an excellent writer to boot. Sometimes you remind me of her but there is something missing – everything Sara did was classy, from the way she chose to tell her stories to the way she managed the multitude of stalkers, sycophants and haters who came her way. You might want to take a page out of her book, my dear. Your Long Island is showing and it's really, really tacky.

  39. Ellen, why would you want to hurt someone's feelings like that? I don't understand why anyone would want to hurt another human being.

  40. sometimes i suspect you remind people of their own flaws and insecurities by writing of your own. that's why they burn you. they can't accept their own flaws. try to remember when people are needlessly nasty in these messages that it's really more about them than you.

    i had a friend a few years ago who always tried to pass herself off as some sort of literary giant/goddess of grammar. and she really did know more about grammar than the rest of us, so her posturing was easy to believe. but eventually i got to the point where i had to spell check every email i sent her. i told her this once over the phone at a later date. she was silent. didn't know what to say.

    i guess she thought that she would be able to secure for herself the "right" kinds of friends with this behavior, but all she really did was push the good ones away.

    all she has left now are a thousand classy-on-the-surface acquaintances and a big zero in the true friends column.

    sad for her.

  41. i was appalled to read the anonymous comment you posted. you are abosultely right when you say how unbelievable it is …the way people talk to you on here…would they really act that way in person? stephanie i think you are brave! i truly admire how you can just put it all out there and not go back and edit or delete half of your postings. i've started blogging on my piddly myspace account (does that count?) and i used to have all my posts public but have recently gone back and changed some to 'friends only' b/c i was afraid certain people would read them…like my ex or like the guy i have a date with tonight…and that is because i care too much what people think of me. i'm a bit of a scaredy cat. i hope to one day be able to put it all out there like you and not care what people think. that is courage…putting it all out there and having accept people for you are. and i know this blog is not who you are but its a large representation of your thoughts and identity. you open yourself up for dialogue and even criticism and that again is brave! you are a little bit of a hero to me in this regard. that woman clearly doesn't think very highly of herself and clearly is not as passionate about life as you are. she said those things to bring you down to the lowliness that she feels. i wanted to say always consider your source but how can you differentiate b/w one commenter and another, hmmmm?!

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