… but that’s okay.  I can’t spell Salma Hayek.  (Thanks to reader who pointed that out. Next time I’ll use the Latin Spell Check.)

I can’t even believe I’m listening to this.

“Which nominee do you think has the best eyebrows?” 
“Well, Cate Blanchette is a runner up in this category.  Kate Winslet wins it in my book. Definitely.”  Oh my God, I can’t believe this. “In my studio, we don’t believe in anorexic brows.”  How does this get airtime? “And we don’t believe in waxing.  We like ‘em plump and tweezed.”  How in the name of Oscar does this make it to television?  While I’m on the subject of retarded…

They have dress rehearsal, where they show up in jeans, dressed down and practice walking.  They practice WALKING.  Then they practice what they’ll have to read.  Salma Hayek needs another dress rehearsal and a half.  She can’t fcuking read. She’s almost as bad as that slow chick from Groundhog Day, Andy McDownsyndrome.  Salma presented some obscure award having to do with sound that no one cares about unless they’re in a betting pool.  The woman can’t read!  And we have to listen to her struggle to keep up with the prompter.  Then the mouse beside her pipes in with a “Sounds Good.”  Thanks Penelope.  You’re a twerp; get off the stage.  Antonio Banderas and Carlos Santana sucked.  They preformed in front of a fake fireplace, something like a chimney wood stove thing.  What the fcuk is happening to the Oscars?  I miss Joan and Ugly Rivers.  Star Jones “Reynolds” will always be Star Jones; no one cares that she got married, so shut up about it already.  For the love of God, can someone please KILL that annoying chick?  Kathy Griffin can’t approach funny even if she takes a short bus to get there.  She was horrible when she was on that Brooke Shield’s bomb of a show.  She is so bad.  “Oh, ha, ha, I owe you a muffin.”  Oh my God, lady, shut your hole, and go home.