Instead of stories, he remembers all the girls from high school based on the size of their breasts.  But, even still, he doesn’t refer to them as breasts, only "boobs," "rack," and "busty."  He dated the fat twins—I thought for their boobs—but when I think about it, despite their rotund nature, their breasts were pancakes.  He tells me now I was the first girl to give him “wood,” and that’s not all: I was his first kiss.  I think it happened in our 6th grade classroom closet during lunch.  It wasn’t after lunch; I would have tasted that and remembered his smell because kids at that age only ate luncheon meats or wet tuna fish sandwiches.  I do remember his tongue: it had rivers running through it, deep lines, and it was wider than I’d expected, but he darted in there so fast, I will forever remember that kiss as “like a lizard.” 

The rest of this post can be found in my memoir.



  1. I'm not especially fond of guys going down on me – I prefer their penises to their tongues. I really does take all kinds in this old world of ours…

  2. I remember my first kiss. Of course you're supposed to read that as my first kiss [with tongue]. LOL I was in the seventh grade. His name was Mike… and he had a horse farm. He invited me to his house on a day that we got out of school early; we went for a walk and hung out in his room. His mom was home, I remember that. And maybe his younger brother, because I'm pretty sure he was there for the ride home.

    Anyway, the kiss was slimy, intrusive, and he kept moving his jaw I think. I remember thinking to myself "WHAT IS HE DOING?" I don't know if I was swept up in the moment or in a state of shock, but I felt like I was falling into space. So I ended the kiss and somehow made it home without screaming. The whole thing freaked me out so bad that I dumped him the next day. Junior high was a stupid time. LOL

    Oh, but for the main reason I wrote…the nipple thing doesn't get me off either. I think the image of my boyfriend suckling, while were poised in the missionary, is hot, but the sensation does little. Weird? I dunno.

  3. I have to agree with you Stephanie, it never really did a thing for me, and still doesn't… it's like they head up the shirt and you're thinking, ok can we move on?

  4. My first kiss (tongue) wasn't until 9th grade and that was also the first girl I slept with. I guess I moved quickly…

  5. I like the juxtaposition of "fiddled" with "trombone." Two separate instruments, string and brass. That's what I choose to take out of this piece.

  6. I like the juxtaposition of "fiddled" with "trombone." Two separate instruments, string and brass. That's what I choose to take out of this piece.

  7. I loved this. "It smelled of instruments and trombone oil". I was instantly taken back to my own high school gymnasium.

  8. Did a sixth grader really say "erogenous zone"? Wow. I'd be more impressed with that than "sloppy seconds".

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