January 2004: You’ve read about my dog, my music, my favorite chick flicks, my friends, and my growing up as Moose. You know I wear Creed’s Fluer de The Rose Bulgarie, and when people are near me, they say the room smells good.
You know I was betrayed by an ex. You know I began the year with a wax leaving a square smaller than a Triscut, but larger than a Wheat Thin, and now I’m working on growing it out. You’ve read about my kissing habits in fourth grade, to my recent lefty kisses. I’ve covered vertical tacos, Cleveland steamers, a dirty sanchez, a Jersey turnpike, and a felcher.
You know what I want and don’t want in a man, and especially how I find didactic as sexy as a good smile. You know I get very nervous from the idea of meeting his parents. You know I’ve tried meeting him on match.com.
You know I have a problem with recency, and that I’m afraid I’m so fcuked up, I’ll never find a healthy romantic relationship. You know a year ago I cried in the bathroom at work, now I masturbate in it instead. I eat and drink alone at bars and restaurants. You know what my ideal life would be.
I have an amazing memory for detail, but I still write in a notebook.
And you learned most of that all in just one month of my writing. In January ’04.
So what has changed since then? The photographs are up on walls of a hotel. The book is on the way. I’ve been doing much more writing, and not as much photography. I’d like to shoot more. I’ve become friends with many other bloggers, and I’ve met many a reader. While I still hate museum dates, I like going by myself. I’m still eating alone, but now, it’s by choice. I sometimes go on non-dates. Of course I’d still like to meet someone, but maybe it’s not time yet. It’s all about timing. And when it does happen, I hope he’s the kind of guy who will hold on. Most importantly though, it will hopefully happen when I’m not even noticing… we’ll fall in like first.
I still have a strength of life.
I’m nearly almost jonesing for a good burger, and I’ll always have a thing for the acoustic guitar. I’m less needy and less angry. I weigh more. I feel much better about Nyack. My hair is shorter now. I’ve learned disciplining my anxious dog involves a water gun. I’m going on a lot of artist dates by myself, and I’m smiling a lot more.