jingle balls


Granted I was a Freudian Slip for Halloween; who knew I’d give an encore performance at Christmas.  It’s the evening of December 26, and I’ve traveled 40 minutes by car to reach destination Blue Martini in West Palm Beach’s Disneyesque City Place.  A reader was due to meet me there.  He doesn’t read for the blind or to malnourished children; he reads my blog (almost as noble).  Through email correspondence, we decided to meet up, and that took balls for me.  As a single woman, I’m painfully aware of the lonely stalkers out there, but I trusted my webstincts, filled the gas tank, and headed south to a very public destination.

Along with my cup size, nationality, and affinity for sushi and eating with my hands, Plantation knew my love of The Barenaked Ladies.

“Did you see them when they were in New York this month?”
“Yes, I did.”
“They were great, huh?” No one ever thinks her favorite band sucked on stage; this was a good assumption.
“No.  It was their holiday show, promoting their new festive album, so they were singing songs like Jingle Balls.”  I then pecked at my Shiraz.
“I think you mean Jingle Bells.”
“Oh god, I said balls didn’t I?  My family is so rubbing off on me.  This is terrible.”

Then I laughed because in one sentence I managed “balls” and “rubbing off” while discussing family, not sex.  Then he laughed, and it was real and a nice affirmation that there are good people out there over the Web.  They aren’t all lonesome stalkers with too much time on their hands to advise you on your life based off a moment of a thought you posted; they’re caring, funny, and normal—in a good, non-long-winded-let-me-tell-you-about-my-entire-childhood-in-an-email way.  Thank you, Plantation, for reviving my faith in the goodness of blog readers everywhere.  You’ve got one up on that Tiny Tim fellow.  Oh God, I just wrote “tiny” and “fellow” in one sentence.



  1. I keep on telling you not to reply to my emails but you do. I tell you
    there is no point in replying but I keep on getting emails from you. I
    posted a comment because I couldn't communicate with you therwise–my email accounts were disabled. I don't want to communicate. However, so long as this continues, you and two others will be the face of what I am
    experiencing. You will just have to live with it and its consequences.
    It's not a laughing matter. I know that you are lying and are a liar. I am
    not the only one who is a witness to this but others and my family as well.
    I am telling you once and for all it has to end by close of business today.
    If it does not it's going to be extremely messy. Not a little messy but
    extremely messy. I said this is a marathon and not one you want to run in
    with me as the spectator. You got involved in the wrong enterprise and
    unfortunately not all those who are guilty are in the marathon whose length and every twist and turn is decided by us. This is the last email you will receive from us. My family and friends read your blog and have been reading it since the summer. You are a liar to more than just one person but an entire community who has lived through what you have participated in. Next time think before you get involved in something like this.

  2. Case and point: people who wrongfully accuse via emails, unwanted phone calls, and now comments on my blog. I could erase it; but I want everyone to see what I'm dealing with. Some guy has computer problems and suddenly I'm all-powerful hacker goddess?

    I've tried blocking him from commenting, but he has unlimited IP addresses and nerve. I've asked him to stop contacting me in any way shape or form, and he won't listen. I am being harassed.

    Come now. I'm busy enough having a life. I hope this guy finds his culprit(s), so he can leave me and this blog alone. Believe it or not, I'm not the bad guy here, and I'm not afraid of what his investigation will reveal. "You can never go wrong with the truth," and as such, I have nothing to hide.

    Maybe you don't realize that when I delete a post, all the comments originally attached to that post get deleted too. I'm sorry you're having difficulties with your computer, but I swear on everything I have that I've got nothing at all to do with any of your problems.

    I've tried blocking you from commenting from my site. I can delete your comments as they pop up, but it is beginning to seem like too much effort and like harassment. I will plead with you again to get an expert or someone who knows what they are doing when it comes to what you're facing. I assure you, whole heartedly, I've nothing at all to do with your troubles. And you're beginning to scare me. It's one thing to make snarky comments on someone's site as Alex Blagg did, perhaps even as humor, but what you're doing is cruel. Please leave me alone.

  3. Don't you just love those moments when your brain and tongue don't agree and you say all the wrong things at all the wrong times, leaving you red in the face and damp in the pits?

    Love your blog – it's very entertaining and most of it I can even relate to!

  4. Anonymous said…
    Stephanie K. and C. London are known for hacking into computers….better beware Alex, for the ides of December have not yet come…. Your material will be all over NY comedy clubs and you will be seen as unoriginal (unjustifiably) as her sad ass blog….If she's a book offer she won't say with whom and for how much…could it be she's paying to ahve the book published? Not unheard of buddie among the talentless chic lit purveyors of smut
    Anonymous said…
    Mr. Blagg, you are not beating a dead horse or rat by criticizing the blog, Greek Tragedy, of Stephanie Klein; rather, you are helping Stephanie Klein grow up, become a better person, which Stephanie Klein can certainly be, and avoid trouble for herself and others. Sir, is it not ironic that Stephanie Klein can be judgmental and viciously so, but that Stephanie Klein is not willing to extend to others the same prerogative? As for the comment written by the alleged co-worker of Stephanie Klein, it is certainly the 'mental' handiwork of Stephanie Klein. Stephanie Klein pretends to be other people and writes many of the comments on Stephanie Klein's blog, Greek Tragedy. Stephanie Klein is particularly obsessed about one person on whose 'behalf' Stephanie Klein writes comments on the blog Greek Tragedy to give the impression of a dialogue or correspondence which does not exist. Some of the items expressed in the comments and postings were obtained illegally. When the person does not give Stephanie Klein the desired reaction, Stephanie Klein pretends otherwise to us, but we are not fooled. Did you notice that the cached 'idiotic post' does not include your comments? How could that be when for the entire time the post was up on the blog Greek Tragedy of Stephanie Klein your comments were also present? Hmmm…. It was illuminating to read the comment which revealed that according to Stephanie Klein misspellings of a word in a statement by Stephanie Klein on her blog Greek Tragedy prevent the statement from being a lie. Stephanie Klein and Chris London of the blog Manhattan Transfer (for which you have a link on your blog ;) )think the world is all about image and who you know, but that is only true when you have some substance to begin with, which they do not and not sadly so. And images are not images if they can be tarnished by the truth.

    Would you be so kind as to post your comments if you still have them on your blog? Stephanie Klein's reaction to your comments is extreme given the nature of your criticism, but that is not apparent without your readers being able to read the comments that you posted on the blog Greek Tragedy of Stephanie Klein.

  5. Scary poster, you're genuinely scaring me. You seem unbalanced and quite frightening, and worst of all, I know you have my home address. Please leave me alone and stop commenting under different names on your behalf. Stop harassing me.

  6. Adam, leave her alone. Stop sending e-mails…posting to her blog…calling her at home. This is stalking. Stalking is a crime.

    And while you are at it, don't send me any e-mails either.

  7. It sounds like idiot trolls looking for a feed. The longer you feed them, the longer they stay around.
    These are obviously AOL users who don't know two flying poops about computers or the Internet(s) but think they do and, therefore, won't get anyone who actually knows what they're doing to look into their problem. On top of that, they are probably seriously OCD, never leave their house, and have 18 cats.

  8. i'm so confused. i don't recognize this psycho from previous posts so i will assume that you've been deleting his comments. i don't claim to be an expert on mental problems but, maybe by leaving his comments on the site he's getting the attention he craves….i say, keep deleting. and good luck.

  9. also, it's nice to know that there are some cool people in the world. way to go, plantation.

  10. hey Steph – you can hack me anytime !

    and to Janelle.. me and my 18 cats take offense to your stereoype of AOL people. HAHAHA but that was hilarious ! i totally agree.. and so do my 18 cats ! my therapist says im making great progress on my OCD too ! :)

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