In high school I had a teacher named Katy Maness , who began all important paragraphs with "Now hear this. Now hear this." Paragraphs about assignments or key points in a novel always followed "Now hear this. Now hear this." She told the women in the class to "never change your name when we get married." She’d been married a few times. "It’s a pain, and then you’ll have even more in common with your mother-in-law." She was right, even though she didn’t follow her own advice. The last thing I wanted was to be any more connected to my mother-in-law than I already was. The woman didn’t know from boundaries. When I’d hear, "Mrs. Rosen," I’d almost flinch. Instead of turning my head when someone called my name, I’d get nauseous. It’s just not a good idea. I changed my name because I wanted a family and didn’t like the idea of my children responding to a different last name than I did. If I could give my children my last name, I would, but I doubt any man I’d want to marry would be amenable to that arrangement… unless I marry a guy with the last name Klein.
Now hear this, my friends, from one Miss Stephanie Klein to all of you… a brilliant song based on my Museum and Zoo Dates post… (read the post first, so you can fully appreciate the song) from the equally brilliant MattSandyBand. Now hear this >>
so you get excited
invite me to a function
you’re a little bit more brilliant
can you feel the attraction?
and you read my story
and you read my mind
and you read my poem
and you touch my life
we stay in and watch movies
you let me lay on you
i let you do me
but don’t mention names
cause zoos and museums drive me insane…
Read all the lyrics >>
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Klein's a nice name. Now if your last name was Schickelgruber, I might take umbrage. P.S. cool tune.
I think you should substitute "now hear this" with "now lookie heah"
Changing my name when I married was never something I dreamed of, as some girls do. By the time I married, at age 32, I was aware of the importance of names — how we identify with our own — and felt that to take someone else's was to erase ourselves in the name of 'family togetherness' or perhaps romance.
There is nothing romantic about being Mrs. Somebody Else. I understand that some women do it for the fun of it, just for a change. I can sortof understand that. But I don't believe that having the same surname in a family makes the family more together, more of a unit, stronger, or anything else.
I had someone say to me once: "Well if you don't want his name, why are you marrying him?"
My reply: "Well it sure as hell isn't to get his name!"
My own name is just fine, thank you very much. It's served me well my entire life, why would I need someone else's now?
I would simply not marry a man who insisted I take his name, because as far as I can see that is an ego thing — His ego shitting all over Mine!
An overbearing friend of mine once said to my husband "What kind of man are you, to let her keep her own name?" He was stunned enough to be speechless, as for him it was never an issue. He respected me and my choice and did not take it personally. I answered for him that time: "He's a man who doesn't need a woman to belittle herself in order to feel like a real man."
Yeah, I know. A lot of women who did it the traditional way are quite resentful when I say these words. I know that in the previous generations this is just the way it was done, and it wasn't questioned by most women unless they were professional women, and even then … but NOW things are supposed to be different, we are no longer the property of men, we are autonomous, independent, and I still see women doing this to themselves all the time.
I find it sad, because to me it says they do not believe they are good enough as they are — they still need something to proclaim they are connected to a man, to feel respectable in our society. Or something. I'm no expert. But I feel embarrassed for womankind, that we still don't have more self-respect than that.
Unfortunately, I'm sure I sound condescending about women making a different choice than I have made. And it's true, because I don't respect the choice. I don't know of any reasons why I would! I don't know how to express my views differently; I apologize for the way I come off when I talk about this issue, because I know I am intransigent about it. Simply, I believe that by taking another person's name, they have already condescended to themselves without being aware of it.
Totally agree with you. I've been married for 7 years now, and I never changed my name. My family is from Puerto Rico and there is not common to change your last name, you don't become Mrs. someone you get to keep your last name and your kids carry both of your last names, and I like it like that. I could care less what people in Virginia think of me!!!
In some European countries, women never change their name when they get married, and any children they have take their father's surname. My mom never changed hers until she came to live in the U.S., and whatever her reason was behind it, I'll never know now.
I never changed mine because I felt I would be losing my identity. I'm proud of my ethnicity and my heritage. If I used my husband's name, people would look at me weird… "funny, you don't look like your name would be SMITH!" *L*
I did take a stage name when I was on the air in radio because it was suggested to me that no one would ever be able to pronounce my real last name!
I guess to me, it doesn't matter if a woman takes her husband's name or not, as long as she's comfortable with her choice.