I used to work for Tim & Nina Zagat. I devoured restaurant surveys and highlighted the creative and the witty. I thought in blurbs. I ate free letter by letter, and my fret was never the bill but which fork to use. I gained 30 pounds. About Lucky Chang’s, a drag supper club, I highlighted, “Nuts in my salad is one thing, but nuts on my waitress is quite another.” Last night, there were a lot of nuts.

Patrick McMullen’s invitation-only, Olympus-sponsored, kick-off party to celebrate his new book In-Tents was housed at Saks Fifth Avenue. The book chronicles 10 years of Bryant Park fashion week. If there was ever a time to get a five-finger discount, it was last night. No one was checking out the merchandise, well, at least not the stuff with tags. Everything about the night was hyphenated.

I first met Patrick at the Scope Art Party at The Hotel Gansevoort, where all my photographs hang in all the corridors, suites, and rooms. Patrick invited me to his St. Patty’s Day Bash. Last night, I popped up with Chris of ManhattanSociety.com to celebrate and, let’s face it, snap away photos as if I weren’t in heels.

For all intents and purposes, I need to go shopping if I go to any more of these events. I mean, I’m striking a pose with Angie Everhart. I’m chatting with Esther Nash of Single in The Hamptons, and I’m staring at Betsey Johnson. There are just some people who always look fabulous. I’m not just talking celebs who own stylists, trainers, drivers, and chefs. I’m talking neighbors. Their hair is frizz-resistant, and everything in their lives is smudge-proof. Their children don’t just say, “thank you.” They add “very much.” Their homes smell of wood polish, and they’re decorated like outfits. They own candy dishes and know where to place them. Despite trying, I will never be one of these women; my real list is too revealing to be so buttoned-up. I bite my nails, have curly hair, and sleep with an unruly dog. At least there’s waterproof mascara for the rest of us.

View photos from the night >>