<span class=”dcap”>M</span>y father’s wife invited a lawyer to their home to negotiate her parents’ wills. On the somber occasion, along with the cookies and coffee, maybe some huggy bear tea, she offered him Debbie. “She’s single, and fabulous, and here’s her most flattering misleading photo. She’s really older and fatter, and that lighting is a god-send.” Okay, that might have been her inner monologue. Debbie and lawyer actually met. (Can you hear it? Match maker match maker make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch?) Lawyer is smitten. Lawyer sends flowers… to my father’s house. “Thank you for introducing me to such a fantastic woman.” Now that, dear reader, is Klass.

I’m about to hit a sore note. I’m sure of it. If you’re in a relationship with a woman, you’re probably not doing enough. Let’s face it. You’re too damn complacent and comfortable. You stopped doing the half stand bit when she excused herself from the table after she told you she loved you. You’re a cliché now, pal. You don’t send her flowers anymore. That’s right, worse than a cliché, you’re now a Barbara Streisand song. And believe me, SEND is the key word. Cause bodega markets are all well and good (but only for midnight cravings, not flowers) but taking the forethought to send it to her office, well, that’s a power move, my friend. Indeed. And if you’re courting a woman, lean in close, you should do just that. This whole aloof nonsense is just plain silly. Here’s a tip. If a woman likes you, it doesn’t matter when you call… she’s diggin’ you either way… um, unless you wait too long. Then it’s don’t waste my time you player, and yes, I do hate the player, not the game. Be original, ‘cause we’ve all seen Swingers by now… And two emails and an IM do NOT equal a phone call. Just so ya know. Okay, that’s all the inside info I can give you tonight… or else I’ll have authorities after me. Cause you know we’re a sisterhood, operating behind a big velvet curtain. It’s not OZ; it’s NYC baby. And you’re here… at least for the moment. Oh and ladies, you’re not off the hook either. See as good as seex is, a blowjob is courting. So grab a pillow and get on your knees. Well, only if the flowers are forthcoming…