This morning I opted for black, all black, even my socks. And when I crossed the street for the subway, you called to me to kiss you good-bye. I hadn’t realized you weren’t coming with me.

And once I did finally cross the street after our good-byes, I leaned on the lamp post and watched you. I kept hoping you’d turn around to look back at me. Even when I knew you wouldn’t be turning around, I watched your head and your black shoulders disappear. I was so full of love and want for you; in that moment I loved you as my own, like watching a child walk to school. I wanted to keep you safe and kiss your head. I wanted so much for us and for you…all in such a small moment. It’s the last time I saw you, and in a way, it’s as if I knew it would be.