August 10, 2004

13 Comments

breasts

My best friend Naomi had pert, rounded breasts, remarkable in size. If there were photos of her on my blog, someone would comment, “Nice yams” and post it anonymously.

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August 6, 2004

3 Comments

like riding a bike

wine

If it were a basketball court, we’d be in the paint. We’re at Stone Rose, in the thick of the action, because Stone Rose is all men, and we’re definitely all women. I’m with my rosy ladies clicking glasses, linking arms, and being cheeky… ‘cause we’re good at cheeky. They’re out of Riesling, and their […]

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August 5, 2004

15 Comments

het nieuwsblad

inprint

While I’m tempted to say “Gesundheit”, I will refrain. It seems I’ve made the newspapers once again. This time in Belgium… and China. This is not the same story run in The Independent last week. I went from Euro to Global in a shake. The Belgium paper lifted copy from my site (and photos of […]

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August 4, 2004

5 Comments

since I never say…

worstphotoever

I told you so, I’ll just show you this: Yes, it’s the absolute worst photo ever taken (thanks Chris). Could I more closely resemble a sow? And Ray is so busted checking out my bust. The point is, you should really appreciate my excellent taste for spotting talent. If you can make it past the […]

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August 4, 2004

13 Comments

and that’s one to grow on

Dating is just like taking the S.A.T.’s. Everyone asks how you did, and you’re either too embarrassed to say or you want to scream it from the rooftops. The S.A.T.’s don’t really measure much of what you’ve learned or accurately reflect your intellect. They expose how well you can take a test. You drive to […]

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August 3, 2004

5 Comments

off the shelf

I never really had to scrape. I mean there’s always American Express, so I never lived on pancakes, dined on cereal, or feasted on Ramen. In college, I baked a wheel of brie on 325 degrees while I wrote my thesis. If I ever got hungry for expensive, I’d dial home or tell an otherwise […]

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August 1, 2004

18 Comments

bachelorette number 1

bparty_085

Gyrating men in thongs with fire hoses don’t equal Scores or VIP Room. Men invite women who can make their vaginas wink, peel hard-boiled eggs, and serve ping-pong balls across the room. Lap dances and meat-whistles make up many a bachelor party. Women have an equivalent, but naked men swinging are not it. Don’t worry; […]

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July 30, 2004

18 Comments

wedding date

People I know are getting married, MARRIED, and I can’t even find a date. Jennifer keeps offering, but I was hoping for a man. The problem is, you don’t want to bring just anyone to a wedding. As the maid of honor, I’ll have duties; he’ll have to be cool about being abandoned. And I’ll […]

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