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don’t feed them after midnight

August 3, 2010

12 Comments

I don’t know if this was a Gremlin law, but I’m pretty sure the deal was that you shouldn’t get a Gremlin wet or they start multiplying, fat balls of fur flying across the room like ping-pong balls projected from a p*ssy. Not my law; don’t blame me. So, I’ll go ahead and say it. […]

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floozy night

July 15, 2010

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Never post drunken photos: you’ll hate yourself (even more) come morning All I’m gonna say is there was talk of the finger up the arse maneuver. It’s a shame that I can never quite stick to the “all” part of that threat. ‘Cause this chiquitita always has something else to say. Though tonight, on floozy […]

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the bowdabra b(l)ow job

May 11, 2010

9 Comments

This post is about packages. The kind you give and the kind you receive. The one for which you sometimes buy silk boxers, mostly out of guilt after purchasing one thing too many on an "I’m just browsing" day. So, look away if you think this post is about crafting. Yes, the ridiculousness of The […]

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middle of the night love

January 27, 2010

21 Comments

I’ll never get it out, all the feelings I have. I’ll never get them to you in a way you understand I’ll never know how to say it in a way that won’t make you grieve Because the second that they come out, these words that I want to say, The second that they make […]

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hags to bitches

November 24, 2009

60 Comments

I’m still in my pajamas. I’ve spent the entire day cleaning out the beans’ room, making way for their "big boy" & "big girl" beds, creating two individualized headboards, quite sure I was more excited than they about their emancipation from the bars of their cribs. The rest of the day, I sorted through their […]

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conversations I would have with my younger self

November 1, 2009

59 Comments

Keep a diary. And when you write in it, try not to dot your i’s with hearts or fat little circles. Try to write about something other than the opposite sex or the fights you have with friends. I wish I knew, when I was younger, to write about the good in my friendships and […]

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new signals and stops

October 24, 2009

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What could you possibly hate about a new relationship? No, no, besides all the times the check arrives. No, aside from the meeting of families, or the friends of his who are still friends (and huge admirers) of the her that was once his. I could possibly hate the underside of beds, what’s hiding in […]

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what if?

September 23, 2009

6 Comments

What if‘s get us in trouble. It doesn’t matter how noble our intentions, how playful we are, at the end of it all, "what if" is just another way of saying, "Maybe I chose wrong." Or, "Maybe you chose wrong." Either way, someone is wondering "what if?" What if we’d never met, or never agreed […]

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