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when hormones moan out, “ADHD and what else?”

March 9, 2015


When I worked in advertising and attended a creative briefing, I’d usually have what she’s having. That is, if, say, we were briefed on a new drug launch, we’d hear about all the symptoms and how the new drug helped the target audience, then we’d scamper off to brainstorm and search for relevant art (insert […]

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winter vagina

January 26, 2015


“Winter Blues.” That’s what people call it, when you don’t want to leave your house, and it just so happens to be winter. You hibernate and wear the same clothes on Sunday that you did on Friday, and you do so pretty matter-of-factly. The thought of showering means getting wet, which means getting naked, which […]

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his heart

November 30, 2014


On Black Friday, I sent this email to Phil’s closest people. It’s an update from the chair of the recovery room, where I sat beside Phil as he snored. Phil is out, in recovery now. There were no blood clots in the heart, so they were able to successfully cardiovert him (shock him with the […]

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waiting game

November 18, 2014


I just wrote a very long, beautiful post, and poof. It wasn’t meant to be. So here’s what I’ve got left, which was not included in the original post. I just ordered myself a winter coat online and saved over $100 than I would’ve had I bought it at Bloomingdale’s. I need a new (unpadded), […]

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surgery scheduled: health update

November 10, 2014


He found a lump. Back before he had heart surgery, I used to joke about Phil’s manssiere, or “bro,” his man bra that was his external defibrillator. The thing used to go off—asking bystanders to step away from the device—during sex. Then he had surgery, where they implanted an internal defibrillator, which I still fear […]

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everything we love is on loan

June 18, 2014


Carol saved takeout containers, always sending people home with leftovers, yet somehow managing to amass a small architectural village behind her cupboard doors. A “mini-hoarder” my father used to tease. “What, Don? Ya never know.” When my father sat Shiva for his wife Carol, who recently passed away on the half-birthday of Lucas and Abigail, […]

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put a ring on it – health updates

April 28, 2014


Phil got some alarming health news this week. Phil’s father died in his 30’s of a Cardiomyopathy (“Heart Muscle Disease” having nothing to do with a poor diet).  Phil has a Cardiomyopathy. Phil is 47. Phil is now in complete heart block (Third-degree AV block). Since we’ve been married, he’s had emergency heart surgery. Nurses […]

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valentine’s day whore moans

February 6, 2014


Valentine’s Day hell has been thrown into the semi-weekly snow days off from school for good measure. We’re sent home a list with all the names of the students in each class, and a look of dread washes over my face. Make a valentine for each student. Sounds like a nice gesture to some. Know what […]

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