Stephanie Klein Greek Tragedy

I’m without "maternity outerwear" in "the windy city," which translates roughly to: oh so screwed.  Before leaving for Chicago, The Suitor checked the weather report for me.  He might have mentioned thirty-something-degrees come nightfall.  I don’t fit into anything.  He…

I don’t know how any alcoholic who’s trying to diet survives winter. When I first learned I was pregnant, in New York, when others drank wine, I asked the waitress for their dessert menu.  If I couldn’t drink, dammit, there…

"You could really use a glass of wine right about now," The Suitor said to me in our car.  I was cranky, and quite miserable actually, that none of my clothes fit.  "This is a good thing," he reminded me. …

This weekend, in very last minute fashion, The Suitor and I took a road trip to San Antonio.  Once we pulled into a lot and left the confines of our air-conditioning, I declared the obvious: "Damn, it’s hot.""This is why…

I threw up dinner, then calmed myself into a sleep by watching Miracle on 34th Street (the new one, though I like them both).  I love Christmas anything, anytime of year.  It comforts me, the songs and colors, the believing. …

"Smell it.""I can’t hear you.""Oh come on, just smell it."  Silence.  "It’ll make me happy.  Please?""No.""But it’s torture taking these vitamins.  Just smell it, so you know what I’m going through here!"
You can, anyone can, actually gag, I am…

I went to SAKS yesterday, mainly to help The Suitor find a suit.  Of course I pulled the whole, "I’ll meet you in the men’s department in a bit," thing, then hit the sale racks.  I can’t help myself.  In…

On December 15, 2005 stage lights were upon me in a dank Manhattan theater as I performed, before a live audience, for HBO’s US Comedy Arts Festival.  Weeks before, I committed to reading a passage from my memoir, Straight Up…