The alarm clock rings and vibrates on my phone. Snooze. Alarm. Snooze. Alarm. Okay, we’re up. Lucas is curled beside Phil, and Phil is awake, clicking through messages on his phone. It’s time for Abigail to join us, to awake. I’m too tired to move. “Close your ears,” I say to Phil and Lucas.
“Please, don’t scream,” Phil says.
“She needs to wake up, and I’m too tired to move. Close your ears.”
“Please don’t shout,” Phil says.
I want to say, what’s the big deal? You don’t want me to shout? Then, you get up and wake her. Instead, I say, “Okay, I won’t shout.” Instead of a sigh of relief or a ‘thank you,’ Phil says, “Wow, you’re such a martyr.” Seriously?! Get off your fcuking ass and wake her then, you dick.
“Seriously?!” And just for that, I yell, “Abigaillll, time to wake up. Come in here for a family snuggle.”
Phil then turns to Lucas and whispers, “She only cares about herself.”
No. You. Did. Not.
How absolutely inappropriate. Don’t you dare tell me what I think, feel, or who I am. And certainly don’t tell it to our children. I feel so angry. It makes me want to yell in his ear every morning to come. I feel hurt and raging mad because of that hurt. And when I tell him how I feel, all he does in response is talk about how he feels, without addressing how I feel. And the man will never apologize or admit when he’s wrong. I can handle this aspect of Phil; I’m used to it. But bringing Lucas into it? Really? What do you do when someone crosses a line? What are the repercussions? How will he ever know, deeply know, that it’s not okay to do this?
And if you don’t want me to yell, then YOU get up. I’m enraged right now. I realize grudges aren’t worth it, but when I let these things go, it only tells him that it’s fine to do. And it’s clearly not.
And holy hell, how do I get that girl to wake up to the sound of her alarm clock? It’s not just an alarm that sounds, but also a light that turns brighter and brighter. She sleeps right through it. And, man can I relate to that, so I can’t say that I blame her.