I’d like to say that I’ve been movin’ and shakin,’ but please. There’s been moving, obviously. And I’ve been shaking over my health situation. This isn’t news. I haven’t been able to shake the anxiety I have with regard to my health. Phil is extremely stressed over money, to the point where I’m afraid to go grocery shopping. So, to hear from doctors that they don’t take insurance, that their initial fee is $650 or $450, with $250 followup visits, I get stressed and want to cry, feeling like a monetary burden. Phil tells me not to be ridiculous, that it’s my health, “You do what you have to do.” Then, when I ask what he’d do, he says, “Just enough with the snake and oil. The acupuncturists, herbs. Or this other doctor who wants 2k for a single visit with her. Just stop with the snake and oil.” For the record, I’ll spend $2700 on a purse, just not my puss.
I have much more to say, but Abigail is standing beside me begging me to take her outside to plant our new hydrangea bush, so now, I must get on my knees to Plant & Pray (a step up from the Pull & Pray).
As another tid-bit, I perhaps sound more dire than I do in person. The other night, I had a magical dinner date with Dulce, where she told me I seemed great, and not at all as maudlin as I seemed online. I’d like to believe she’s right, but I’m not sure. I think I make light of things in person because I can’t control them. But really, I’m very worried and have moments, many of them, where it takes a lot of effort to leave the house or to shower. Though, that might not be new.
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Not that this will make you feel any better, but I can totally relate. I’m so sick of trying to cultivate gratitude out of shit. I know things can always be worse, but there’s only so long that a person can get by on the high note in their lives being “well, at least no one is on a ventilator.” Ugh.
My mom told me that my grandma used to tell her “There was once a man who complained about not having shoes, until he saw a man who had no feet.”
Know what I said to her? While sure, it’s worse to not have feet, IT STILL SUCKS TO HAVE NO SHOES! (Especially since shoes protect you and not having them could lead to not having feet.) So you go on with your bad self and mourn not having shoes or that everyone’s in the hospital, even though it’s better than being dead. Cuz it still sucks.
P.S. I hope all your people get better.
P.P.S. Stephanie, hang in there.
Wow – a super honest post. No snark from me. What’s with the money concerns. Seems like you used to spend without any thought…or is that the reason??
Not to make light of your situation, but personally, I’m 39 and can’t wait for menopause to be over. I think I’m already in perimenopause, as I’ll skip a month’s period and then have two within two weeks. I adopted my son and am not interested in having more kids, so I guess that makes a difference though. Anyway, good luck with your concerns!
I LOVE not having my period. It’s not that. But VAGINAL ATROPHY isn’t something I like to think about, and sex is something I never want, which is soooo abnormal for me. And my bones aren’t being protected, my hair is falling out, and I’ve experienced weight gain… though that might be the cheesecake.
Or it could be stress. Severe emotional stress has a strong relationship with early menopause. And lack of desire to have sex is likely an emotional, not physical, deal.
Thank you for that reply Stephanie, cause I was also wondering, what’s so awful about not having a period? My vote, get some bio identicals to help with the sex drive, and let the rest pan itself out naturally. You eat well, that plus vitamin supplements should be enough to cover some of the other stuff. And…breathe….say to yourself, Lucas and Abigail get through their stuff, Phil God Bless him, gets through his stuff, and you
will get through this stuff! You’re strong!
Thanks, you’re right woman!
Lately, whenever I watch television, the “vaginal mesh” lawsuit commercial sneaks up on me, causing my skin to crawl. Wishing you good health in mind and body. Enjoyed the Makeup tutorial, feel free to share more along those lines.
Okay, good. I will. They’re fun for me, a nice distraction.
Welcome back to the northeast. Regarding the docs and those exorbitant fees, have you thought of looking for a specialist in Boston? Most of them here take insurance, and it seems you could probably take the Acela to see a doc than it would be to pay for a follow-up visit with one in NYC.
Will not hi-jack. Just thinking of you and wishing you happiness and health. I’ve loved the side-bar of what you were doing on this day for years…extremely enlightening and interesting.
The comment the other night disparaging my hi-jacking of your blog rang true – smacked me right around – and I’ve hunkered down to deal with my own stuff. There are 14 years of a book in here – trying to peel of the skin and preserve my own life at the same time is the question. I’m not as tough as you – though I have learned a great deal about how to deal with the haters.
Mom is unwell. It sucks. Lovah is delicious beyond words. It rocks. Babies are flying away. It frees. The world turns…well – It turns.
Sad, I don’t know who made that comment or where but I admire your emotional posts, genuine and very kind and real. I have asked you several times I believe to start your own blog- just because you have so much to say and eloquent visual posts. Please consider sharing some of that hard earned knowledge via blog or book. I notice many commenters who seem to really like your views and say as much.
O.T- Sk, you made a lot of money on the books and Phil is a hedge fund manager. I am surprised I always saw the lifestyle you guys lived and thought nice, but they obviously have a good income. I am surprised (not being mean, really surprised) you guys are having money concerns but it really does make it hit home how many people are struggling who weren’t even 3, 4 years ago. I am sorry the doc costs are insane. It’s unreal they will not accept insurance. How does that work? We have insurance, good coverage, but even with that we pay significant fees out of pocket it seems. I don’t know that I agree with Phil’s ‘snake oil’ assesment of acupuncture and such. I do know a woman who was perimenopausal and at 35 she did acupuncture sessions and that acupuncturist also designed a healthy supplements/eating program and it DID help. It was not the only thing she did but it certainly paid off in the end. I believe the mind/body connection exists and it can . and should be used to help your body adjust during this time. I would be drinking wine daily and drunk blogging if I had to see doctors that charged 2 k a visit! And I commend Phil for his practical straightforward approach though in getting you better. He loves you and clearly will do whatever it takes to make sure you get the best care. Very good man!
So sad somebody left you a message about hi-jacking the blog — I love reading your responses!
Thoughts to you and yours as you care for your mother.
Oh hon, this life sucks often. Don’t feel the need to ‘cultivate gratitude out of shit’ (love that ; ) on our account.
Do the best you can every day and see what happens, and things will change, the way they always do.
Sending love and virtual G&Ts your way.
Maybe tell Phil the term is snake oil…not snake and oil.
Anyway, if you’d really spend that money on a purse, then why not the puss?
I do find those rates so distressing — I don’t have the money for the purse or the puss and I hate that sinking feeling when I get quotes like that from specialists who don’t take insurance. It just seems gross.
I bet you can find excellent doctors in New York who do take insurance…but also if you do have the money to pay out of pocket you can get reimbursed, depending on the plan. Could be so worth it for good treatment.
Nothing to say but I so get it. I’m holding you in the light, sending peace and blessings your way.
Just a thought… if money is really a problem, is there a nice shop somewhere you can consign the purse(s) or other expensive stuff you have purchased since you like it, but might not love it…since you need your body last you and be in good shape….I know, you didn’t ask for advise…
Cher…vaginal mesh lawsuit commercials are one of the reasons I’m avoiding POP correction surgeries as far off into the future as I can!
advice…damn you spell check
Regarding health and “atrophy:” Did you get a second opinion to ensure that’s actually what happening? Also, what about a chiropractic/wellness or D.O. type of physician? Usually they are more affordable and can pinpoint some problems and propose non-medicated solutions.
Regarding money: I’m sure you know the specifics of why you’re tight, but just to help you feel better: I’ve been following this blog since 2004 I think and you’ve moved A TON. More than the average person. And recently, you’ve moved to high-dollar locations. Besides living in Washington, D.C.-area, NY and Boca are some of the priciest places you can live. Even the act of regularly moving is costly. So take heart. Breath deep. Tighten the budget for awhile.
Best.
I have been taking bioidenticals for several years. I was skeptical at first, but they have given me back my sex drive, lessened my anxiety, and pretty much kept a lid on my crazy. Sometimes I’ll decide to try to go without them for a week or so…and boy do I notice a difference when I do. I get mine from a compounding pharmacy that mixes mine up on orders from my doc. I get a hormone test done every year and we adjust from there. Its been a lifesaver for me! Good luck with whatever path you choose!