lifetime, a lifetime ago

April 19, 2012

dysfunctional dieter

Last time I went to a Weight Watchers meeting was September 9, 2011. When I’d made Lifetime, my leader had me stand in front of the room, left hand up, as I repeated a sacred promise. You know, I, state your name… I promised, at her insistence, “never to pay for Weight Watchers again.” Meaning, don’t let yourself stray two pounds from your goal weight, ever, or else you’ll have to pay. I know she had only the best of intentions, having me commit to my goal, but what happens if I slip up? If I have a really hungry brain and full belly, but eat anyway? What happens is, I became terrified of breaking my promise because it would mean I was a failure, that I simply couldn’t stick to my oath.

Today, I said fook that noise. I don’t care what I promised because I shouldn’t have made the promise in the first place. The fact is, you’re not a failure if you gain weight. You’re a failure if you give up. Showing up, despite mistakes and overindulgence deserves a gold star. Not that anyone gives two pounds what I weigh, but it’s my blog, and my record of life, so I’m putting out here.

January 28, 2011 – Starting Weight 156.4 lbs.
July 23, 2011 – Made Goal Weight of 125 lbs. 124.8 lbs.
August 27, 2011 – Made Lifetime 123.6 lbs.

April 19, 2012 – Returned to Weight Watchers 130.2 lbs.

Total Loss as of today: -23.4 lbs.

While I’m now 5.2 lbs. from my goal weight, technically, I need only lose 3.2 lbs. to reach 127 lbs. to be considered “at goal,” given their two pound leeway. I’m not obsessed with the numbers. I simply want a feeling of control again. Between the Cold Stone Creamery I had my way with last night and my complete disregard for vegetables these past weeks, I’m ready to be accountable again. Which for me means simply writing down everything I eat for a few weeks. Oh, and I’ll weigh my wine because I forget what a serving looks like. That’s truly all it will take. Because when you write it, you’re more mindful. When I do reach goal again, I will stand in front of the room and tell everyone that “never” is a word that shouldn’t ever weigh you down.

Get On It (Keep On It)

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22 Responses to “lifetime, a lifetime ago”

  1. Molly Says:

    Just what I needed to read. Thanks for putting it out there.

    Reply

  2. chrissie lynn Says:

    good for you – i think that fear of failure is what prevents us from losing weight in the first place. i joined ww b/c of this blog (weighing in at nearly exactly what you did back in january) – lost 6 lbs and put it back on as soon as i stopped keeping track. thanks for this!

    Reply

  3. my honest answer Says:

    ‘Weigh my wine’ love it! I’m off to weigh myself some now….

    Reply

  4. Nina Wassel Says:

    Just finished Moose! Loved it. I’m lifetime weight watcher too. I’m right at goal so I know where you’re coming from.

    Reply

  5. N Says:

    Can I ask how tall you are? Just curious!

    Reply

  6. Dana Says:

    really true and felt good to read. i’ve been in a beotchy mood all week and part of it is feeling that my eating has been off (haven’t stepped on a scale). the bloaty feeling plus the guilt? awful. need to just pick it back up again.

    also, this is another interesting way to express it and a great read (from a weight watcher currently in their commercials).

    Reply

  7. Karen Says:

    I’m impressed Stephanie! The denial/ignoring/giving up is what gets you… not the extra 5 pounds that showed up. You really inspired me last year, and I’ve lost 25 pounds on WW; it sometimes seems like a miracle. I really appreciate your update, and wish you the very best with reining yourself back in- you’re on the right track!

    Reply

  8. Jocelyn Says:

    I am where you are 130 with a goal of 127, winter dragged too long…. I’m puttin myself out there with some walking but the temptations are still high and things are not balancing themselves out (wail)….

    Reply

  9. Beth Says:

    Long time reader, first time poster. Thanks for this. I’m 5′ 4.5″ as well. I seem to continually battle the same five pounds. I’m at 128 lbs now (or was this morning, it’s been a carby day) with an ideal of 124 lbs. I know what works, I just don’t do it consistently. Thanks for the motivation!

    Reply

  10. Carrie McKinnon Says:

    Stephanie,
    This came at the right time. I just got back on WW this wweek. I am doing it alone though as I am living in a country that doesn’t freaking have ww and the online thing just doesn’t work for me. Soooooooo, I amm on day 4 week 1 AGAIN. I made lifetime years ago and am faaaar from at this point…here’s to gaining that control back. For me it’s about being able to not be on a diet, eat what I want but still have limits and incentives to make the right decisions.

    Anyways, please…keep your WW posts up. I need them!

    Reply

  11. Dana Says:

    Ahh did I get in trouble for posting someone else’s link? That’s a shame – really just thought you’d find it interesting to read. Sent it to my mother, too (as well as your link) – she’s lacking the motivation to get back on it (she made lifetime last year and is about 5-6lbs above where she needs to be, now). Anyway, just thought the link would be useful to you and other readers in the discourse.

    Reply

  12. brookem Says:

    Stephanie, I think you’re so inspirational. And your weight loss story is just ONE of the many reasons.
    I was wondering– do you do the group meetings? I know some friends who have just done the online version of WW, but I tend to think that the group things really add some value? Also, for you, was your weight loss success mostly attributed to food changes, or did you also add in exercise? For me, I think it’s about the food- I have the exercise down (when I actually get the chance to fit it in), it’s just about my lousy food (and booze) choices from time to time!
    Again, thanks for sharing your story with us– congrats to you! You’ve gotten there once, you can do it again!
    xoxo

    Reply

  13. marlee Says:

    Stephanie – are you strictly following the WW plan, or a hybrid of that and other ways of eating (i.e. low carb). I am impressed with your 30-pound loss in six months. I have done that with low carb, but am bored with that…

    Reply

    • Stephanie Klein Says:

      Yes, I follow the plan, except, I try to really get in a lot of protein. Because I’m basically all fat and no muscle. I’m really trying to gain muscle. Not man muscle, but muscle.

      Reply

  14. Di Says:

    This post made me feel sad because 130lb is a healthy weight for your height but I know the panic that can come from feeling as though you are losing that grip. For me being at my fighting weight and eating something ‘naughty’ carry almost that same complex slightly guilty smudge of pleasure.

    Reply

  15. Gabersgamma Says:

    I have been a lifetime member since 1993. I have always had a tiny problem with calling Weight Watchers a diet. Maybe just a technicality, but I believe you have to see it not as a diet, but a life change to a healthier way of eating. I know that if I’d rather “spend” my points on something that’s going to fill me up, I can, and if I feel the need, I can “spend the my points on something I’m really craving and still be on track.
    There is nothing you CAN’T eat, you just can’t eat ALL OF IT ;) Good luck to all who are on this path !!

    Reply

  16. mcatgirl Says:

    You inspired me to go back to WW and I’m 37 pounds lighter a year later. The last ten pounds seem to be going so slowly.

    What you said about the word “never” really resonated with me. I’ve really tried to change my thinking about food this time around. I’ve tried to eliminate the word “bad” from my vocabulary around food and reframe it terms of choices and sometimes I make better choices than others.

    Reply

  17. Julie Says:

    Way to go! I’m a Lifetime Member as well (technically since 11/2007, although I went back after my 2nd child to lose the baby weight and have been at goal since 3/10), and I think being forced to weigh in once a month is so important to keep those 2 pounds from becoming 5, 10, all the way to back where I started!
    I have had to up my goal a couple of times once I started working out and realized I’d been way too ambitious in my starting goal, but I’m still proud I have not gone up a size and I feel stronger with my new muscles. BTW, if you need help getting those, Body Pump has given me arm definition for the first time ever! Pilates is also great for getting strong.
    Best of luck!

    Reply

  18. Amy H Says:

    I just jumped back on the WW wagon myself. I think it’s brilliant that you’ll stand up and call them out on the “pledge”. What a way to set people up for a feeling of shame if they veer away from the 2 lbs.

    Reply

  19. Jes Says:

    If I had done WW instead of ANOTHER insane low-carb, super-strict, lose-it-in-a-month program, I would be a goal now. Thank you for the reminder. Congratulations on maintaining your loss and getting back down to goal. Keep all us other dysfunctional dieters posted!

    Jes

    Reply

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