In the shower today, I thought about what I’d want my New Year’s resolution to be. In the past, I would’ve planned for this decision and not left it until the DAY OF to decide, “Who do I want to be this year?” Clearly “stop procrastinating” has never made the cut.
That is the question though. Who do I want to be? Because who I’ve been is behind me; it doesn’t dictate who I am now any more than the wake steers the ship. So, with the opportunity to dream big—and the belief that the promise matters more, as if there’s some magical universe listening especially hard today—I don’t want to fritter away my choice. I want to make it count.
I kept circling the idea, “Post a blog post every single day in the year 2012.” But in good conscience, I can’t land on it. Not only is it wholly unrealistic, but it also won’t satisfy the right feelings. Last year my three feelings of choice were WISE, GIDDY, and…and I can’t remember the third without cheating (carefreedom – also I just re-read and love this post!). This year the feelings I hope to experience most are:
2) Proud of myself
3) Peaceful (free from anxiety or distress)
The Triple “P” Threat. I wouldn’t feel proud of myself posting just anything only because I resolved to.
That’s a lie.
Because I have, on many occasions, done just that—given this blog quantity instead of quality, and you know what? I think I’m better off sticking with quantity, letting the universe course through me, touching the posts of this blog and the pages of my writing with quality.
As people age, usually around the time of retirement, we start to think about our legacy, what we’ll leave behind. Not just what we’ll appropriate, but we want to know that something of us is left behind. Basically, we want something to show for the life we’ve lived. That’s what I want for my days, for there to be “something to show for it” every day. That’s what I resolve to do this year, have something to show for it. For me that likely means something creative, or teaching something specific (not just indirectly through modeling behavior) to my children. And I need to document it. With a camera, a blog post, a video, a journal entry. At the end of this year, I want something to show for it.
I also know this year holds a LOT of change for me. It’s why I’m including “Peaceful.” It’s a lofty goal, one I might rarely reach, but I like the aim. Here’s to my year of not giving a shit about most things and focusing the care on what I actually care about: making memories (and meals), teaching my children to cook, documenting my everyday with more photographs and journal entries, leaning into new wisdom and showing something for what I’ve learned, in a quote, in a painting, in a flow chart–I don’t care what the form is, so long as it’s there, a history of my year of 2012.