Week 3 on Weight Watchers new Points Plus plan, and I’m down 12.4 lbs. Yes, their scales are baking recipe accurate—2 cups plus 1 teaspoon? Really?—down to two tenths of a pound. I still have 13 more lbs. to go, and would love to say toodle-oo to said poundage by Mother’s Day, May 8, 2011. When I achieve this goal, that Tiffany’s charm bracelet I’ve been wanting for many years will be mine (though I wouldn’t wear it—or a bra—to weigh-ins).
I was off the deep end for a while there. I’d dart off to Barnes & Noble to work in their cafe, and would you look at that? A Godiva display. Yes, please.
I ate an entire box of truffles (That would be sixteen balls in two sittings). In my car. Equal parts animal and daytime television for women. Worse, the next day I hit up the Halloween candy and hid the wrappers, pushing them under a carton of eggs in our garbage. Move over Skinny Bitch; make room for Sneaky Psycho. I had to do something.
Something was Weight Watchers, as soon as I learned from my sister Lea that I could eat all the fruit I wanted (until sated), including mangoes, pineapple, and bananas, and that none of it needed to be measured or counted. I always found it ironic that Weight Watchers has the same initials as World Wrestling. Or did before the World Wilderness Federation sued those shit-slinging apes. Right, my point: I never believed WW was a weight-loss plan. Come on, an average loss of 2 lbs. a week? That sounds like a plan for the obese. No way would this slow-and-steady plan work for someone with less to lose, someone who’s been avoiding carbs and South Beaching her way through lean proteins. Because who could lose weight when going from egg whites to meringue? That’s exactly how I saw it. South Beach Diet = egg whites. Weight Watchers = meringue. My body would never give up excess weight on (planned for, accounted for) cupcakes and cheesecake.
Basically, I’ve always thought of Weight Watchers as a maintenance plan—a great way to live after you whip-stitch your way through a shame blanket of lard. But, I was wrong.
In the past three weeks, I’ve had cheesecake, goblets of wine, blackberries, raspberries, New York Strip and Ribeye from Ruth Chris (disappointing), creme brulee, coconut sticky rice with mangoes, margaritas (normal ones, not skinny). Blinis, creme fraiche and caviar. And while I’d intended to exercise, I haven’t yet. I don’t want to mislead. It’s not like I binged non-stop, but I had what I wanted to have, making room for all the want in my life, which is a whole shitpile of happy points.
Most importantly, there’s no more Phil saying things like, “Oh, right. You can’t have that because you’re dieting.” Because, listen up, pal. I can have anything I damn well please. So long as I account for it in my wee little journal*. So, it’s basically like an online game, where you get thin by playing.
*The following is totally free for anyone to use: SparkPeople, LoseIt, and the WW Points Plus calculator, also free for all (Many people have a daily allowance of 29 points, with 49 additional points to be used anytime during a week).If you’re not a lazy ball sack, you can earn extra points through exercise (activity points).