showing up to a job interview naked

In ALL, WRITING EXERCISES by Stephanie Klein14 Comments

skinny dip

People sometimes ask where I work. Do I have an office? Do I work in bed? Yes, and yes, but I do my most productive work A) drunk-ish and B) sober, in cafes. My most favorite place in the world, the bookstore, is another work spot. While there, I do what I do best: eavesdrop.

One afternoon, two men in ties sat with their Fourbucks, interviewing candidates on the hour. One of my favorite job interview topics: “So, what do you do for fun?”

The woman who slips into the chair across from the suits is a widow, an employee at USA Mortgage, and a nudist. Her second husband introduced her to it.

“So, what kinds of things do you do, exactly?” These men are straighter than arrows. They don’t know what to do with themselves as they fidget and exchange glances, all eyebrows.

“Normal stuff. We have dances.”

“And everyone’s naked?” He’s whispering.

She’s not. “Oh, sure, yeah. That is the point.”

“What kind of music?”

“Forties music, Frank Sinatra, big band.” Swing. All I can think is swing. “Any song you want to hear. We have a DJ.”

“Can you say, what kind of people belong to this club?”

“We have judges, military, nurses from Bastrop. It’s such a diverse group, and hey, no tan lines. My husband is on board of directors. I was on the counsel. If you want, I can get you a visitor pass… we go every week. They do a background check on everyone, and there’s no sexual exploration. This is a family club. You want to do sex stuff, you do it in a private cabin, if you have a cabin, but this is not that type of place.”

“What kinds of things do you do there, other than dancing?”

“Everything. Chili cook-offs, volleyball, holiday potlucks. Ooh, and we have Bare Buns Runs. Though some women wear jog bras for that one.”

“How far is the race?”

“It’s a 5k racing series.”

“With shoes?”

“Uh huh.” I can’t even imagine the chafing situation.

“What does the winner get?”

“An anatomically correct statue.”

“What’s it made of?”

“Wood.” (The men are choking down their laughs at this point)

“Made of wood, hand carved. Well, isn’t that something?”

“When you’re not naked, what do you do for fun?”

“Cross stitch.”

“Does your current job know that you’re a nudist?”

“You kiddin’? My nickname at USA Mortgage is ‘Buffy’.”

“Well, wow. Thanks.”

“Sure, sure. And, so you know, I don’t do casual Fridays. That’s just too confusing for me.”

THE END

And, my day is made.

Comments

  1. Gosh I miss Starbucks.

    I used to go to one that was apparently in a particularly gay-friendly neighborhood; just about every time I went you could overhear a gay couple that had met online on an awkward first date.

  2. I always wondered what nudists looked like with their clothes on. That is, are they all as old, fat, saggy, weird, as everyone makes them out to be? I just don’t imagine there are “hot” nudists that aren’t of the Fire Island gay variety.

  3. I love the commentary, too. And I was so excited to read that you’re working on your next book!!!!

  4. Well now I don’t know if I can go on without finding out if she got the job. Could you add stalking to your eavesddropping expertise, please?

  5. Nice article Stephanie. You really captured it. Kudos.

    To Allysa, naturists and nudists in the USA and Canada are a cross section of the population and we are families. As a result, you will see about the same percentage of us in the different age groups, weight, occupation and other such groups as in the general population.

    Of course, fewer naturists/nudists are body-phobic or nature-phobic. That comes with the territory. :-) See the AANR or the Naturist Society websites.

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