People sometimes ask where I work. Do I have an office? Do I work in bed? Yes, and yes, but I do my most productive work A) drunk-ish and B) sober, in cafes. My most favorite place in the world, the bookstore, is another work spot. While there, I do what I do best: eavesdrop.
One afternoon, two men in ties sat with their Fourbucks, interviewing candidates on the hour. One of my favorite job interview topics: “So, what do you do for fun?”
The woman who slips into the chair across from the suits is a widow, an employee at USA Mortgage, and a nudist. Her second husband introduced her to it.
“So, what kinds of things do you do, exactly?” These men are straighter than arrows. They don’t know what to do with themselves as they fidget and exchange glances, all eyebrows.
“Normal stuff. We have dances.”
“And everyone’s naked?” He’s whispering.
She’s not. “Oh, sure, yeah. That is the point.”
“What kind of music?”
“Forties music, Frank Sinatra, big band.” Swing. All I can think is swing. “Any song you want to hear. We have a DJ.”
“Can you say, what kind of people belong to this club?”
“We have judges, military, nurses from Bastrop. It’s such a diverse group, and hey, no tan lines. My husband is on board of directors. I was on the counsel. If you want, I can get you a visitor pass… we go every week. They do a background check on everyone, and there’s no sexual exploration. This is a family club. You want to do sex stuff, you do it in a private cabin, if you have a cabin, but this is not that type of place.”
“What kinds of things do you do there, other than dancing?”
“Everything. Chili cook-offs, volleyball, holiday potlucks. Ooh, and we have Bare Buns Runs. Though some women wear jog bras for that one.”
“How far is the race?”
“It’s a 5k racing series.”
“Uh huh.” I can’t even imagine the chafing situation.
“What does the winner get?”
“An anatomically correct statue.”
“What’s it made of?”
“Wood.” (The men are choking down their laughs at this point)
“Made of wood, hand carved. Well, isn’t that something?”
“When you’re not naked, what do you do for fun?”
“Does your current job know that you’re a nudist?”
“You kiddin’? My nickname at USA Mortgage is ‘Buffy’.”
“Well, wow. Thanks.”
“Sure, sure. And, so you know, I don’t do casual Fridays. That’s just too confusing for me.”
And, my day is made.