- I didn’t like that I was the fattest one in the room
- That I kept pulling on my clothes hoping they’d hide a bulge
- I felt self-conscious when I had to get up and walk away, thinking of what my rearview resembles
- Back fat rolls
- I didn’t like seeing how thin everyone else was, how beautiful and styled
- Shannan just had a baby, and she’s thinner than I am
- Lacey in tight ass-boosting pants, looking beautiful
- Me with my long lifeless looking hair, fat, hiding behind my hair
- This is not the best me
- I’m ready to live my best year and life ever
This year I want to be connected with my body, to know what it needs, not what my brain wants. I want to be able to say, I’d love to have more, but my body wouldn’t really appreciate it. I don’t want to feel panicked; the way I did at the buffet brunch, worried that all the sandwiches would go before I had a chance to have one. I did the same with the bread pudding; worried I’d miss out. I can’t do this to myself anymore. I need to have the mindset that I can actually have absolutely anything I want, but that I CHOOSE not to have it, I choose it because I want to fit into my clothes more, I want to be healthy, to look good in photos, to be my best self, ready to go along with friends and run a 5k. I want to be confident, to be admired, for people to notice me and think, how fit, how put together, how energetic and lively. I want to be a beautiful mother who’s healthy. It is my choice. I can have anything I want, but I choose to have only what my body needs, what’s healthful for it.
I also want to understand, in a deep meaningful, no bullshit way, that I am not my body. It’s a vehicle for who I am, and as much as I I I I want want want, my body doesn’t, and I want to respect my body. I am tired of excess. Of eating what my children leave over on their plates. That’s wasteful, throwing food out isn’t wasteful. Eating it is wasteful; it’s wasting my health. It’s not about will-power, it’s about accepting and putting into play the proper mindset: I can have it, but I choose not to because I lOVE clothes, I love feeling pretty and light and strong and able to do things. I am excited by this thin life of abundance. It’s what I choose to live this year.
I will keep track of what I eat and how I exercise so I can see that I’m living the healthful life I want.
I will kick the snacking habit. I know myself, and I eat mindlessly when I allow for snacking. I do so much better, feel so much better, when I simply eat three meals a day without the snacks. Unless the snack is scheduled, like a 4pm protein snack, to ward off famine mode, making me eat like a ravenous animal come dinner preparation.
Here is what’s wrong with my life: I get bored at home in front of the TV. I do not feel energized and happy once the kids are put to bed, so I use food to entertain and delight me. I use it as something exciting, to which I can look forward. The reason food is such a pleasure to me is because I’m missing other pleasures. I need to create a new environment. To go on artist dates, to take up knitting, to play wii games, to GO TO THE BOOK STORE. It is there at the book store where I am my best self, the most excited, where food doesn’t matter, where I can get lost in learning. It is my favorite place.
Another thing I can do at night in lieu of desserts and foods my body doesn’t need is create inspiration collages while drinking warm tea, eating soulful veggie soups, rich with dark greens. I can spend my nights learning calligraphy, reading a book, screenplays. These are joys I choose to include this year. I do not choose to spend my nights on the sofa with my laptop. It’s my least healthful choice, and it doesn’t excite me. Learning thrills me! I choose to enrich my life this year, with nutrients, experiments and creativity.[fblike style=”standard” showfaces=”false” width=”450″ verb=”like” font=”arial”]