Notes from my bathroom:
Phil is addicted to the Sittin’ On The Toilet video on YouTube, to the point where he’ll just say it in random conversations.
“So, what else do we need from the store? I’m making the list. Eggs, milk, sittin’ on the toilet, what else?”
It’s now in my head, always. Now I want to go watch the video. Again. Like I’m not chunky enough, I’m going to spend what little free time I do have watching someone else sitting, on a toilet, no less.
Here you go:
Notes from my bathroom, continued… Time to ramp up, but there’s so much to do! Coordinated pretty tabletop
A fun project for the kids to do (researching it, organizing it, setting it up, executing)
A delicious meal that’s memorable
Work on food photography set up, something that could double as a studio backdrop for us to pose in our coordinated xmas pajamas (Phil has already said no way)
Sweet Spot Morning Pages
Ask me if I can execute any of this
Even with the help of a GTD program (Getting Things Done). I want to make sugar cookies with the kids, to decorate beautiful cookies to hang on a separate kids’ tree. I want to shower. But you know what I’ve learned? You can talk and plan and make to-do lists all you want, but enough is enough. You have to DO these things. You have to start your goddamn book proposal. What is stopping you? I haven’t started it yet. Why? Because I worry about the structure. Bullshit. Because it’s more fun to obsess over party details than to actually work. It’s more fun to make cookie dough and spend half a day trying to track down crepe paper (at hobby lobby) in which to wrap the dough… and who cares? I mean, it’s a pretty photo on the blog, sure. But the receiving end, who is it even that would appreciate it? You’re not going to airmail it. You don’t even really have anyone to give it to. Lacey. Wendy, but Wendy will just say, you’re totally making me feel like a slacker mom… and I want to tell her that I am too. Except I have dreams, big dreams of being a fun hostess who can design a tablescape, manage to see friends, manage to FIT into her clothes, who can enrich her children with montessouri-esque projects, designed to help foster leadership, speaking up, balance and fine motor skills. I want to read more to my children. Add to my list of shit to get done open the link my dad sent to a video of a guy raising a hummingbird.
Habits. They’re so close but so far away. I mean, we all want to create new habits. “I want to lose ten pounds” is just a bunch of habits, sometimes itty bitty ones. According to Martha Beck, it takes four days for people to feel a taste of success and to feel encouraged to continue. What habit are you willing to create for four days, and to really stick to? I want to do too much, to write about the kids, what they’re doing, the things they’re saying, so I don’t forget. But that feels like a HUGE habit to work in. It would have to be done every night before bedtime, the very last thing I do. Keep a dream journal. Walk on the treadmill with laptop surfing. Do my morning pages again. There is too much to do. And in the end, which of it matters most? How do I prioritize it? How do I know what can slide, what shouldn’t? There are things that when done give me a sense of calm and peace and giddiness… these are things like baking holiday cookies, decorating some with the kids, letting them help in the kitchen, and making doughs to give as gifts. But, I haven’t made the dough yet, and I can only think of two, maybe 3 friends who’d appreciate the gift of gourmet cookie dough. Damn my gluten-free friends. Flourless cookies suck.
I want to create the following habits:
Write everything I eat down. Everything. I do too much unintentional grazing. This used to be a daily habit! I did this for months and months, lost tons of weight, then stopped. Need to create this livable habit again. Especially since it’s so easy.
Reading a play, script, or book instead of non-watching TV. You know, when you’re doing non-work on the computer while Phil watches TV, where you’re non-watching while he watches? Well, lady, your life will feel way more satisfying if you spent that time on a chaise or gliding chair, listening to piano music, something without lyrics, as you read. Your brain needs food, woman. So does your creativity. Feed it wholesome words in lieu of submissive watching.
Letter writing of any kind. I’ve stopped writing emails to friends because I’ve stopped seeing friends in person. Why am I such a recluse? How nice was it that Rebbecca stopped by yesterday just to say hello and bring me some holiday calories? Still, this will never be a habit I willfully make happen. It doesn’t matter to me enough.
Back to my morning pages. 3 pages, longhand, with a pen, in a notebook. No excuses. And artist dates. Again. On either Tuesday or Thursday night. That’s my date night with me.
Drinking water. I used to get those ginormous big gulp cups and fill them with ice water and a splash of lemonaide. Drank two a day without thinking. I need to hydrate more, so I can have more notes from my bathroom sessions.