advice: taking candice from a baby

QUESTION FROM A GREEK TRAGEDY READER [Let's call her Apple]: This isn’t as serious as your usual questions, but I really want an unbiased opinion, so here goes…

At my best friend’s daughter’s 1st birthday party I announced to her that I had created the PERFECT baby girl name (for my yet-to-be-conceived child). Merilee, a quirky spelling of Mary Lee. She agrees it’s a fabulous name and then mentions that Mary Lee is her grandmother’s name, and we all joke about how I’m naming my 1st born daughter after her grandmother (who isn’t a favorite in her family and circle of friends). Fast forward 8 months and my friend is pregnant. Me? Still no kids. She informs me via text that she and her hubby have decided to name the baby after her Grandmother and they’re going to spell it…. Wait for it… Merilee.

Seriously?! So, does this fall under some sort of ‘girl code’? Are there etiquette rules for this kind of thing? Do I have to go with the flow because it’s a family name? Or can I call "shotgun" because I thought of it first?

I know this certainly falls in the "silly/petty" category but I just wanted your opinion. 

 straight up advice

Before I take a smack + crack at answering this (and I will), I’ll let others weigh in with their own words of wisdom. Floor’s all yours…

…As promised, let’s go there. The fact that your friend texted you this news isn’t a random act of rudeitude. It’s Pulling a Warner. That’s right, she basically invited you to a fancy restaurant, so you couldn’t make a scene after she dumped your pink stink for a Jackie O’ type. She intentionally sent you a text to avoid the confrontation. She knows you’re not going to like it. She also knows that she’s rationalizing her actions. That is, deep down she knows that what she’s doing is flying-monkey-wrong. It’s why she chose to communicate the way she did, and if you ever called her out on it, she could simply turn things on you, making you out to be the crazy obsessive petty one in your friendshit.

"Jesus, I didn’t think twice about it because it’s not your name. Why else would I casually text it to you? If it were a big deal, don’t you think I would’ve talked to you about it in person? What kind of person do you think I am?" Your answer: the baby plagiarist kind.

Piss poor behavior aside, let’s deal with the rest of it. You’re not going to like what I have to say next. First, and this is really an aside, as the name you chose doesn’t change the behaviors and actions at play, yet I feel compelled to rain on the Merilee parade. Don’t go naming your kids with unusual spellings. Because they have to go around, for the rest of their lives correcting paperwork, using the military alphabet to communicate the proper spelling to customer service operators, and correcting mispronunciations when idiots butcher the name to "Mer-eye-lee." And no one is going to read that name and think it says "Mary Lee." For her whole life, she’ll be called "Merrily" which, admittedly, isn’t as bad as "Merry," which immediately brings to mind a bouncy fraggle muppet, that or a rotund elderly man in a red velvet track suit–pick your poison. I’d butcher my parents if they’d squeezed an f into my name. Stefanie can’t tell someone her own name without adding, "with an f." No good can come of it.

Sidebar: a friend recently told me that a child in her daughter’s class was named "L-A." How would you go about pronouncing this name? Go on, try. "El-aye?" "Ella?" No. Correct pronunciation: El-dash-ah. "The dash ain’t silent" her mother barked at the teacher.

Off the sudsbox, let’s return to the facts. You need to ask yourself what upsets you more: the principle of it or the fact that your name has been nabbed up, leaving it less unique? Because the truth is, you don’t know for certain if you’ll even have children, or a girl for that matter. And if you do, there’s still nothing stopping you from using Merilee, you know, aside from common sense. That was a joke.

Bottom line, I’d talk to her. I wouldn’t accuse her of anything. I’d ask her why she decided to text you that? I’d ask her if she remembered that it was the baby name you’d created. I’d try to give her the benefit of the doubt (even though, personally I wouldn’t buy it–I’d pretend to be fair). Then I’d tell her how you feel. That you feel angry, swindled, duped. Whether it’s true or not, it’s how you feel. And you’re hurt that she could be so casual about telling you, or not even realizing what a big deal it is to you. After I got that out, I’d tell her that you realize you might not even have a girl, so she can do what she’d like, but it certainly won’t stop you from using the name one day if you do have a wee girl. Then I’d hand her a copy of the best baby name book I know: the Pottery Barn Catalog.

go ahead, askGOT QUESTIONS? NEED ADVICE? If you have questions or need advice on anything from where to eat to how to get over the bastard, just email your question to my advice email address. Nope, I’m not a shrink, but since people keep asking for my opinion, I might as well share it and air it, so everyone else can weigh in too.

63 Responses to “advice: taking candice from a baby”

  1. Brandy Says:

    I have a rule – family is off limits and friends are fair game (but trod at your own risk). So, I personally will never use a name that someone else in my family has already used. But with so many friends my age having children, it would be too much to ask for their names to be off limits as well. I DID manage (I have 2 under the age of 3) that didn’t belong to anyone else within my circle…but if an absolute favorite had already been hanging on a friend’s kiddo, I would have considered it.

    THAT said…your friend is being a little tacky. Merilee isn’t a name that is floating around on popularity boards, so it is obvious where she got it from. But, it’s within her right to use it. My response to her, “That’s awesome, I hope that my future Merilee and your little Merilee are the best of friends!”

    Reply

  2. Ajk Says:

    Ler her have it- Id kill my mom if she had named me marilee

    Reply

    • Ajk Says:

      I just realized how snarky that sounded- I only mean that there are so many beautiful/ unique and meaningful names to choose from and you should use this as an opportunity to choose something that your daughter would love to be called. Let your friend have the name and take comfort in the fact that you helped to name her daughter- look at is an honor (even though it sucks she stole your name).

      Reply

  3. Naomi W Says:

    I’m not sure how to weigh in on this one. You told her about the unusual combination of 2 names that you came up with, and she mentioned that those 2 names is her grandmother’s name. She liked the name, and it’s not like you trademarked it or have intellectual property rights on the idea of your ideal name. So technically, it’s fair game, but if I were your friend, I would’ve asked if it was OK with you before I stole your perfect name.

    If I was hosting the marriage ref, which I highly recommend that everyone should watch, I would say, “You win!” But in the real world, there are shades of gray to every situation. Maybe your friend was already planning on naming her future daughter after her grandmother, and you beat her to the punch by putting together the 2 names, not knowing that the names were the same as her grandma’s. And maybe your friend has no original ideas of her own. Either way, you have every right to be hurt, but I wouldn’t make a big deal of it with your friend.

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  4. 3 teens mom Says:

    WHO GARA (who gives a rat’s ass)?

    Reply

  5. Jeanna Says:

    Should she have stolen your name? Hell, no. However, the smart thing to do, ladies, is to NOT SHARE YOUR PERFECT NAME. Why tell someone in the chance they should love it more than you? The End.

    Reply

  6. Mia Says:

    This SO reminds me of that SATC episode where Charlotte had “Shayla” as her perfect baby name and some other random woman “stole” it. In all honesty, it sucks that she is going to be using the name you told her about / picked out for your own future baby but asking her to change it will only cause weirdness and drama in the friendship. You can maybe remind her about the prior baby name conversation you guys had and jokingly say she stole your name and see if she remembers it. At least that way she can admit she loved the name you told her about and wanted to use it and you can feel like you got to call her out on “stealing your name” without causing unnecessary drama in the friendship. You could always still use the name in the future. There are other Merilees out there so she wouldn’t be the first and you wouldn’t be the last to give a baby that name. :)

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  7. Christi Says:

    I would text back “haha, very funny, you got me.” And if it were indicated that she in fact is naming the baby Merilee, she would get a piece of my mind.

    It absolutely violates a girl code. I have a friend who can’t figure out a name for her baby because her sister-in-law used Julia while my friend always wanted Julie.

    If this friend did take the name, this is an indication that she is unoriginal on top of disloyal. Tell her that it hurts your feelings. If she reconsiders the importance and changes her mind, then you can get over it. If not, she basically stole something from you. Who wants a friend like that anyway?

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  8. Carolina Says:

    I think this is…petty. A name is a name, even if it is your best friend’s daughter’s name. If you are so in love with the name, when you birth a child, name her the same thing. HA. Wouldn’t that be for kicks.

    I do think your friend is kinda immature though. What a way to through it in your face that she’s pregnant first, so there, and its her grandmother’s name, so there again.

    I got married three years ago and will not have children for at least another three. One of my best friends got married a year ago and is pregnant with her first child. She’s ubber thrilled and continues to ask me when I’m going to bless her with a Gringo Cousin (she’s latin, I’m latin/gringa). I smile and nod and let her basque in the glory, even though she knows I will not be having children for a very long while.

    I’m sure you’ll think of a beautiful name for your daugther and or son.

    Reply

  9. Wifebot Says:

    Oh, hunny. It’s time to take off the gloves and smack that woman. Baby-name stealing is NEVER ok.

    In college I babysat for two families that were acquaintances. One of the ladies had three boys, the other had two boys and was pregnant with a girl. The first mom said how much she’d love to name her potential-future daughter Paige; then, lo and behold when mom #2 popped her baby out, what do you think she named her?

    Fast forward three years, mom #1 is pregnant with twins (one boy, one girl) and she said, “eff it!” and named her daughter Paige, too.

    The moral of the story: don’t let some dipstick steal your baby’s name! You liked, you kind of invented it, it’s yours. Copying be damned, don’t let your friend take that away.

    Charlotte York-Goldenblatt would tell you the same thing about Shayla.

    Reply

  10. April Says:

    This is sooooo why I don’t share babynames with anyone anymore. Not to mention that everyone has some random comment about everything. So I just AVOID AVOID AVOID.

    That said, it’s rude of her but not much you can do.

    Reply

  11. Adrienne Says:

    I have to agree with the majority here, you need to move on. Still use the name if you want, but you can’t ask her not to use it. If you really want to say something, just say it- straightforward and direct, don’t be passive about it and throw it off like a joke. Just say, “Really? Merilee? Do you remember the conversation we had a few months back when I told you about that name?” And let her respond in the way I’m sure she’s prepared.
    Definitely a bummer though!

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  12. Kristy Says:

    Is it possible that your friend doesn’t remember that it came from you? That’s my guess. You said it, she remembered it, and then realized she loved it.

    Although it does seem a bit tacky to take your friend’s claimed baby name, the thing is….should we really be laying claim to names before kids are around in the first place? I think not.

    Bottom line: It’s fair game for her or you to name a child whatever you’d like.

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  13. Anita Says:

    OK there’s two elements that piss me off…

    1. She obviously never thought of using the name until you mentioned it to her.

    2. If it’s not bad enough that she decided to use it, she didn’t even acknowledge the fact when she told you… “I know it was your idea initially but we really liked it and we hope you don’t mind if we name our daughter blah blah blah”

    It might be petty to some people but not to me. I even get annoyed when friends copy more insignificant things I do. What bothers me the most is when they feign surprise at the fact that we both made the same decision and even go so far as to say something along the lines of ‘Isn’t it funny! Such a coincidence!”.

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  14. Heather B. Says:

    I refuse REFUSE to tell anyone my baby names. Hell no. I have two boy names and two girl names picked out and this is one of my fears. Especially since I will not be having any children for several years. But I hate hearing stories like this and yeah, it might be “petty” but if you tell a friend a name and that friend steals it? That’s just a shitty friend right there. The only gray area on this is when a friend who will be having a baby soon uses a name and then you want to use it but not for like 10 years. For example: I have a friend who wants to use one of my girl names. I am using the name because it is a family name and I love it. My friend will probably be having another child in like two years. I will not be having a child for like 10 years. Therefore she can use the name but I can use it 8 years later (and clear across the country).

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  15. Carole Says:

    It makes no difference how many people have a girl named Merilee. For all you know, one of you may move at some point & you won’t even be near one another. If you like the name, use it. If it bothers her, so what. She “took it from you”? That’s her problem when & if they share a name.

    Reply

  16. Ulli Says:

    Baby name stealing….? Let it go. Not worth the trouble. You will meet a great guy some day who might hate that name, or you might have only boys. It’s too early to worry about these things.

    Reply

  17. Miranda Says:

    All I can say is that this is now stuck in my head.

    Row, Row, row your boat
    gently down the stream
    merrilee, merrilee, merrilee,
    Life is but a dream.

    Reply

  18. LolaD Says:

    The writer pointed out that this particular grandmother was NOT a favorite in the other woman’s family… Well, it makes me wonder why the hell she would want to name her baby girl after her?!?!

    Women who steal names bother me..They remind me of childhood copycats.. And then they become the type of women who help you pick out an amazing dress/shirt/etc. only to show up at the same party wearing the same thing.. they ONLY WANT IT because YOU WANTED IT.. had you not looked at it, they wouldn’t have either.

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  19. jen Says:

    I think it is a tough lesson that we all have to learn. If you have a favorite name for an unborn child, keep it under lock and key. Do not share it with anyone except the father of the child and don’t reveal it until the child has been born and named.

    Reply

  20. Carrie Says:

    I think the best thing to do in this situation is what someone said earlier by sending her a text or replying to her that you hope your merilee and her merilee will be the best of friends. This way if she did actually forget that you came up with the name it might jog her memory.
    I would want to ask her why she picked the name when she and everyone in her family is not fond of her grandmother and it is widely known among her friends.
    On a side note- All of these “creative” spellings of names may make your child unique, but it is also annoying when you have to correct people all the time on your name.

    Reply

  21. Celeste Says:

    This is your best friend, and she informs you of this by text? Do you live in different states?

    Stealing names is tacky, especially if she is such a close friend, but this is why you should never share baby names.

    But the good thing is, now you can come up with an even better first name than Merilee.

    Reply

  22. Kat Says:

    Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise? Maybe by the time you are pregnant you’ll have thought of a different name you like just as much
    Of course you could still use the name anyway if you’re that attached to it. My first cousin (she’s two years younger) has almost the exact same name as me, and it’s a little funny, but not a problem at all. (I’m Katherine Sarah, she’s Kathleen Sarah but goes by Kate)

    Reply

  23. marlee Says:

    How about “Marlee” as a different name choice? I’ve had it as my name for more than 40 years and I really, really love it. BTW – I think your friend was uncool in what she did.

    Reply

  24. emily Says:

    I agree with the posters who are saying “let her have it” – Merilee is kind of a dippy name to begin with. Consider your child spared from that one. Other than that though, your friend sounds like a cooze.

    Reply

  25. CM Says:

    My best advice is to handle this now rather than later when you are pregnant.

    First of all, you must understand and respect her rights as a mother, she can name her baby whatever she wants and you have no say in the decision whatsoever, its not your baby.

    That being said, she needs to also respect your rights as a mother, you shared what your future baby name would be and therefore you have a right to still use it, regardless of if her daughter is named that.

    I personally think the friendship is going to end, because you feel jaded. And she knows this, otherwise she would have personally told you about her decision rather than making it impersonal via text.

    Its better she did it via text because you now have some time to ponder the situation and not say anything you may regret.

    You can now have a conversation with her about the whole thing, remember to choose your words carefully and to be respectful of her rights as a mother.

    Do you want her as a friend anymore? Will their be bad blood between you two now? Something like a baby name can break up a friendship, because a persons child is more important than a friend, even a best friend. And a name is extremely important because it is what the child will live with the rest of its life.

    I would recommend that you take the high road and tell her “oh that is wonderful and Im happy for you that you found a name you love.” If you want to still stake claim on the name, you can tell her, “remember when I originally told you about my epiphany with that name, I hope you will understand when in the future I still use the name” and Im only bringing this up because I dont want their to be any confusion about that in the future and I dont want our circle of friends getting the idea that I copied you…since Merilee is an uncommon name.

    Tell her that you respect her rights as a mother to name her daughter whatever she wants but that you expect her to do the same and if she forsees herself having an issue with you naming your daughter Merilee in the future when you do have a baby then you hope you can end the friendship on good terms.

    This way you are taking the high road and your not overstepping your boundaries. If you really feel that your going to hate her for stealing your baby name then just end the friendship and do it on good terms, dont say anything mean, just be honest and tell her the friendship isnt working out and that you would rather go your separate ways, wish her the best and leave it at that.

    She knows that using the name is risking the friendship ending and she is okay with that, because she loves the name enough to use it and her daughter is more important than you (which is the way it should be, she should put her daughter first).

    I can see your side and her side, and unfortanately friendships break apart sometimes, you will make many friends through out your life.

    Reply

  26. Jessica Says:

    Imitation is the highest form of flattery.

    Reply

  27. CM Says:

    Also, I want to say that from her point of view, your not even pregnant yet, and what if you never have a daughter…then she would have passed on a name she heard and loved. Try and understand that. Like I said I can see your side too.

    My opinion is and always will be that no one owns a name and no one has a right to sway or weigh in on what a mother is to choose for her child. Its that simple, it upsets me when I hear people saying that someone stole a name….you cant steal something that isnt yours….names are not copyrighted.

    Reply

  28. maia Says:

    Three Teens Mom, I agree wholeheartedly.

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

    Reply

  29. TJB Says:

    The trend in “youneek” name spellings is a curse on the next generation. Let your friend have it.

    http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/05/07/complaint-box-brittney-brittny-brittneigh/

    Reply

  30. Cori Says:

    I totally agree with CM on this one. Nobody “owns” a baby name. It sucks that your friend disregarded your feelings though. You should mention it to her and let it be known that you may still use the name regardless of her choice.

    That said, your spouse, who may have never once in his life given baby names a moment’s thought, could nix it as a “stripper name.” (Oddly enough, men also care about what goes on your wedding registry. Who knew?!?) And of course you may just be blessed with boys like I was. Before having kids, I had several names in mind, and I can honestly say I have not used a single one of them. Neither of my sons was named before birth. It was that difficult coming to an agreement.

    Best of luck to you on having the family you want, whatever names you choose!

    Reply

  31. JAG Says:

    I would take the high road with humor and respond with a text “That’s so awesome. Maybe one day our daughters will have the same name. Can’t wait.” That way you don’t have to give up your name, but you are not asking her to either. Life is too short to lose a friend over this, especially when she does have a valid reason. But don’t back down on your perfect name either.

    Reply

  32. Kate Says:

    That was definitely a super uncool move on her part. As others have said, this in no way precludes you from having your own Merilee, but here’s another point: By the time you have a girl of your own, you might have a new favorite name. I know that my “favorite girl name” is different now than it was a couple of years ago.

    For the record: Even the people who called your problem “petty” would be annoyed if it happened to them.

    Reply

  33. me73 Says:

    Oh my god.

    “What a way to through it in your face that she’s pregnant first”

    THROW not THROUGH

    “She’s ubber thrilled”

    UBER not UBBER

    “I smile and nod and let her basque in the glory”

    BASK not BASQUE

    Learn. To. Spell!

    Reply

  34. Cammi Says:

    Several years ago, before having children, I had two girl names picked out. My younger sister had children before I did, and named her first two girls names that are very similar to the names I told her I would like to use someday. She was up front and told me she knew I liked the names but she wanted to use them anyway, and that she wouldn’t be bothered if I still named my girls the names I wanted. Fast forward nine years, and I’ve had three boys, no girls. But, I have adorable little nieces with names I love, and I am glad I didn’t have an attitude and prevent her from using names I would never be able to use myself.

    I would be up-front with your friend that you may still want to use the name someday, to avoid any confusion or awkwardness, but don’t waste your energy being upset by it. As for the name, if/when you have a daughter and you still want to use the name, go for it.

    Reply

  35. M.D. Says:

    You haven’t created the name. If you google it, you will find that others have the name, including one of Jesse James’s mistresses. And Merilee sounds very much like “merrily.” If I had never heard the name before, and experienced it first aurally, I would give a double take and immediately start fashioning puns in my mind…

    Reply

  36. Steffi Says:

    my name actually IS Stefanie. with an f. and that is not so unusual ACROSS the big ocean, where there is actually a whole world with people that have names, too.

    Reply

  37. Carol Says:

    It IS a big deal

    Reply

  38. Carol Says:

    I disagree with everyone who says its not a big deal. It IS. It was tacky. She doesn’t even LIKE the grandmother (she says so). She liked the NAME. The name YOU thought up. Then she was flippant about it. And the non-acknowledgement of the fact that you thought it up and loved it for your future child. THATs the crap part.

    I would have texted right back “What? But you don’t even like [grandmother]. Remember, when I told you my idea of a name? This is very odd!”

    Then I agree with Stephanie. Name your child something stand-alone, strong, appealing and that doesn’t have to spelt every time. And explained where it came from.

    I am glad my name is Carol and not Karrell or Carele or Cardelle-dee-meghane.

    It would be good if you’d comment here on what you think of the advice and what you actually did! Please do!

    Reply

    • Mrs509 Says:

      Carol! I am the person that wrote into Stephanie. I commented below about all the advice/opinions received and put a special comment in for you!

      Reply

  39. Marsha Says:

    StePHanie, you crack my shit up. Thank you for that! Just forwarded to my mother, telling her Marsha might have been safe, but it’s still a middle child name.

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  40. Ugh Says:

    L-A, seriously? Come on, Stephanie, you’re better than that. Variations of this urban myth have been floating around for YEARS in any discussion of baby names. Your friend is copying a story from someone else who copied it – you’re just doing it all over again.

    Reply

  41. Deenuts Dana Says:

    For as long as I can remember I’ve loved 3 girl names: Gabrielle, Riley, and Skylar.

    Then I got married and moved. My neighbor’s name is Gabrielle, her dog’s name is Riley, and my husband hated Skylar.

    So, Leah it is! I never muttered the name Leah until I sat in the hospital holding by new baby and my husband liked it and voila.

    The best laid plans crumble.

    By the time you are birthing your first girl, the name Merilee will be long gone from your head…

    Reply

  42. Kristy Says:

    From this week’s Social Q’s in the nytimes”

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/06/fashion/06SocialQs.html?hpw

    My husband and I are expecting. But every time we discuss a baby name with family and friends, someone claims it, saying they’ve always wanted to use it. This has happened four times already. Their responses range from surprise that we’d steal their baby name to threats of never speaking to us again. Some of these people are still single! Don’t we have the right to name our child anything we like?

    Some kiddies need only be warned, “Don’t touch, hot!” before keeping their distance from lighted stoves. Others learn the hard way. But four times, Elizabeth — and still no wiser?

    Stop sharing your baby names with family and friends, already. You may call your child whatever you’d like. (Though Johnny Cash made a persuasive case for not naming little boys Sue.)

    Here’s the thing: Nearly all parents, even the ones whose babies are years away, suffer from the delusion that their little bundles are perfectly unique. So they become proprietary about their dream names for these fantasy children: “Two Benjamins? Unthinkable!” It isn’t logical, but neither is volunteering for years of sleep deprivation.

    So, settle on a name and keep it to yourself. When asked, just say, “It’s a surprise!” And make it one, which means nix the focus groups. Who cares what your sister thinks? If recent news reports are to be trusted, we all end up naming our babies Bella and Jacob, anyway. And when you think of it, they are a bit like “Twilight” vampires, no?”

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  43. Janet Says:

    “I call shenanigans. My name has been #1 for over a decade. =)”

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  44. Kari Says:

    Reading these comments was an unpleasant learning experience.

    The only situation in which I could understand being upset with your friend is if you were both pregnant, and in the same community.

    I can understand being upset with the passive aggressive nature of her announcement, but hell, just respond to her with an equally passive aggressive “congrats – you know I love that name, and I will remind your daughter every chance I get that I named her.”

    Reply

  45. Nancy Says:

    Pretentious and Trashy Names:
    -Nicole
    -Nicolette
    -Brandy
    -Amber
    -Tiffany
    -Lacey
    -Angel
    -Candy
    -Roxanne
    -Crystal
    -Riley
    -Skylar
    -Katelyn
    -Destiny
    -Harley
    -Donna
    -Britney
    -Kylie
    -Ashley
    -Linda
    -Christina
    -Chardonnay
    -Jacqueline
    -Michelle
    -McKenzie
    -Katherine
    -Barbara
    -Regina
    -Patricia

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  46. Dayna Says:

    My brother and his wife used my mother’s name when they had their 2nd daughter. My mother died when I was pregnant with my twin daughters (3 years later) and I used the name again (Sarah) but gave my kid a different middle, which she goes by. I kinda didn’t care if they cared or not.. the way I saw it then was that it was MY mother’s name and I could use it if I wanted.

    Reply

  47. William Says:

    Love Lilly – but it’s really overused at present.

    Here are some unusual but beautiful names!

    Mattea – Fem. for Matthew – means God’s Gift.

    Erelah (Err ah lah – soft pronounciation) – means Angel in Hebrew

    Elisabeth (love it spelt with an S)

    Zahavah – means Golden

    Gwendolyn or Gwyneth (hardly ever used, either one)

    Geneveive

    Emmalyn

    Vivienne – I know Angelina used it, but it’s so pretty! How cute is Vivi for a nickname?

    Mariah – hardly ever used and beautiful

    Joelle

    Reply

  48. Em Says:

    Really off topic, but I’m not sure how to get the opinion of a sample of Stephanie’s readers…

    I know that Stephanie met Phil on match.com. I’m in the NY area (or will be for the summer) and I was wondering how most of you felt about match.com vs. Jdate. Is one more ‘effective’ than the other in your experience? And if Steph, you can ring in… why did you use match.com rather than Jdate?

    While I would prefer a Jewish guy, I am not closing myself off prematurely…

    I’m 24F as a point of reference.

    Thanks!

    Reply

    • LolaD Says:

      I used Jdate a few years ago in the NYC area, and met a ton of great guys!! My only downfall is that I was a non-Jewish girl trying to get dates with Jewish guys on a Jewish dating site.. Haha.. You won’t have that same problem ;) I would try it out and see how it goes!! Good luck to you :)

      Reply

    • ubers Says:

      okcupid is getting good reviews from my pals on it!

      Reply

    • Stephanie Klein Says:

      Phil and I did NOT meet on match.com. As for “why did you use match.com rather than Jdate” you’ve got that wrong, too. I used match.com, jdate, eHarmony, and nerve.com simultaneously. Match.com had the most normal people. Nerve was more artsy/alternative/edgier. Jdate: on the whole, what I found from Jdate was a lot of picky guys (who had no real reason to feel so entitled), guys who enjoyed window shopping (both for clothes and for ladies). Many of the guys I saw on there had no real plans of ever taking their profiles down… at least in the NY area. That said though if you’re not Jewish, you bring a gust of fresh shiksa to the site.

      Reply

      • LolaD Says:

        Stephanie, didn’t you meet Phil through THIS site? Didn’t he comment on your “Things About Me” section?

        :)

        I did meet a lot of picky jerks on jdate, but I also met a lot of genuine guys too.. I am still friends with a few of them.. I was young when I tried Jdate and the genuine guys I was meeting were ready to get married.. I wasn’t.. I wonder how different the site would be now that I’m older as I tried the site out when I was 23.

        Reply

  49. Mrs509 Says:

    Well everyone thanks for your advice and opinions! I knew Stephanie’s blog was the place to get a wide range of ideas. As I said I knew my dilemma was “silly/petty” but I’m glad most of you let that slide, and made me laugh. So I get that Merilee isn’t a popular name among SK fans but for the record my husband DID like the name too! Go figure! And when I get pregnant, and if it is a girl I may still name her Merilee or I may find a newer, better way to ruin my child’s life! : )
    Thank you for the soap box Stephanie!

    For Carol: I texted her back that she was a “babyname stealer” and then put “I’m just kidding but I call bragging rights for naming her!”

    Reply

  50. Meaghan Says:

    The Baby Name Wizard blog did a three part series on the urban legend of “Ladasha” or “L-a.” Here’s the first part
    http://www.babynamewizard.com/archives/2009/10/ledasha-legends-and-race-part-one
    if you’re interested you can read parts two and three over there also. That site is a great resource for baby names as well.

    Reply

  51. Em Says:

    Thanks! Will try both Jdate and OkCupid! Trying to hedge my bets…

    Reply

  52. Tobey Says:

    Actually, I work with a Merilee. Same spelling, too. So someone else thought of it 45 years ago. LOL.

    Reply

  53. MJ Says:

    Imitation is the highest form of flattery. It shouldn’t matter that your child might have a name that someone you know already has. Big deal! By the time you have a baby girl, she will be at least a grade behind the other girl. Find a way to have fun with it. Pick and choose your battles, darlin. Life is too short to make a big deal out of nothing much. Just because a feeling pops into your head doesn’t make it worth acting upon. Use your brain and apply reason. How will this impact your life? How will this other child having the same name impact your family? Not at all. Choose to take it as a compliment and focus your attention on matters thaT matter.

    Reply

  54. USCgirl11 Says:

    My son was given a family name (first and middle) because we’re southern and, well, that’s what we do. Anyway, when I was about 8 months along I told a friend of mine, who was also pregnant, my son’s intended name… three months after when she gave birth she used the same name! Bretton Kingsley. Not exactly a coincidence. It was so bizzare. We’re actually no longer friends.

    Reply

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