you’re so vain

In ALL, RAISING HOPS INTO BEERS by Stephanie Klein13 Comments

slippery slope

Today I just had to. I knew it would hurt. I knew he’d cry like he did in the nicu, like a little manhandled lamb. But I am a mama. And dammit, I like to groom my kin like a monkey. Lucas has had a pimple on his chin for the past month. Today I went in for the kill. Worked on it for a good 10 minute time out. And what emerged felt like a pearl. It looked like a hard ball of yellow wax. Nothing is more satisfying. I could so pop, scrape, and dig for a living. Estheticians have totally capitalized on their primal instincts. Greatest job ever. Tomorrow I will smear some Proactive solution on his chin… Just as I did when he was an infant with drool. I realize I’m sick.


  1. That post makes me want to a) faint and b) barf. I HATE all things bodily fluid-esque. The mere thought of touching someone else’s pustule laden skin…god! I could hurl!

    Middle daughter of mine, however, is fascinated by blood, guts, fluids, pus…she’s way more interested to see where it came from, what’s causing it and how to help it, than in running screaming from the room like I am. Even when she was a little tot she was designated the family ‘boo-boo’ healer…she would clean up the scraped knee, put the band-aid on it while I was holding the hand of the injured party staring out the window, trying not to hit the bathtub with my head on the way down.

    PS – I love my esthetician more than is reasonable – but I sure as hell can’t think about what she’s doing!

  2. Thank you for sharing this. I thought I was the only one and therefore WEIRD.

  3. I used to rub my ex’s back, and slowly circle back around to any bumps, scraping my nails against the bump in an effort to open the pimple. It drove him crazy. It drove ME crazy that he didn’t let me just pop the damn things.

    Okay, medical field coming out in me… I read your post and was all, “molluscum contagiosum!”

  4. Hey,
    today maybe put some neosporin on it? We’ve dealt with staph recently in our household and, well, you don’t want to go there.

  5. I know, it’s a weird fascination. Squeezing & finally it’s out. So gross, but I can handle it.

  6. My son is 11 and the pimples are starting. He screeches and howls like he’s being stabbed if I even look at the pimples. I practically wrestle him to get to them and have paid him $5 to get to the blackheads on his nose. I too, am a total freak.

  7. I need someone to pop one on my face now. It’s huge (& covered up with a bandaid) and it hurts. I hardly ever get them and this has been around for over a week. I may have to take a trip to a dermatologist.

  8. Monkeying with people’s skin is one of my greatest joys in life. I should have been an esthetician, too.

  9. Hahahahaha! I love that my husband let’s me pop any zits on his back. Of course, since he also lets me get the blackheads, there are so few zits for me to actually have to pop. I’m glad I’m not the only weirdo out there. ;)

  10. I recently told my boyfriend all I want for my birthday is for him to give me 15 minutes on his back ;) He will have no part of it.

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