celebrating all things doody and nudie

In ALL, RAISING HOPS INTO BEERS by Stephanie Klein22 Comments

naked dance

Post Naked Dance tonight, Sir Luke and our Little Miss were getting ready for bed. Yes, it sounds a bit pervy, doing a naked dance with your children when it’s still light outside. Or maybe worse if it’s dark out? But Lucas begged. It’s his favorite thing these days, tied on the elation scale with Thomas the Train. Luke Beckett finds his naked dancing to be almost as fun as his Naked Dance song. The song he sings while flopping and twirling about like a dervish goes like this:

The Naked Dance is your chance to do the Naked Dance,
Oooh, Baby, Baby, do the Naked Dance, come on and do the Naked Dance

That’s right, you’ve got it. To the tune of The Humpty Dance. It’s my own fault, really. One day, in an attempt to encourage pooping on the pot, I suggested to Phil we do a poo-poo dance, to reward the desired behavior. But without prep time, we had to act fast. Ta-da, you did it! Okay, yeah, sure. We’ll do the poo-poo dance. Phil claps, then says, “Go on, Mama, you start.” This is the part where I look at the camera, breaking the 4th wall. The first tune that came to mind, I will admit, was indeed The Humpty Dance, a song that reminds me of a meathead kid named Grimace from fat camp. The tune is now a fixture in our home, celebrating all things doody and nudie.

Post dance, Lucas slipped into his 18 month old short sleeved PJs (all we actually have, hence all the nakedness), then climbed into bed. His sister, however, refused to put on her pull-up. “I’m touching my gina,” she said.

“Okay. It’s fine if you want to touch your vagina. But no one else touches your vagina.”

“That’s right,” she says, “only Abby.”

“Right, and with clean hands, only. Now, come on, let’s put on your diaper for bed.”

“But then I can’t touch my gina.”

“Sure you can,” I say, hearing Phil choking into fits of laughter.

“But there’s no hole in my diaper to get at it, Mama.”

To which Phil responds, “She’s sooo her mother’s daughter.”

Comments

  1. A friend just forwarded me this post, and I nearly crapped myself. Love these moments you share!!! Makes me want my own wee ones.

  2. Stephanie, this was absolutely hilarious. Glad you are getting some laughs in despite everything!

    Also, is that your stairway? Damn, girl. Awesome!

    1. Don’t envy, Annie. Just think about the impossible to reach cobwebs. (Sorry SK, but while I don’t have a grand staircase, I have crazy high great room ceiling, and spend 1/2 my life climbing stepladders with extension mops. It’s not a quality way to live 1/2 one’s life.) & love L’s modesty patch, like the one Dooce puts on Chuck the Dog’s privates.

  3. OMG. I just fell out of my office chair laughing. I’m a daily reader but only an occasional commenter and I must say that this is one of the best entries I’ve ever read. She truly IS your daughter! So great. I love to hear these little hilarious tales from your two little ones. They are fantastic!

  4. I LIVE for your honesty.

    Love the blog, love your books, love YOU!

    Jewish Girl in Wasp’s Clothing

  5. That is one of the best things I’ve read this week. :) And it makes me miss my kids who are at daycare while I sit here at the office reading about the Naked Dance.

  6. I think all little boys must go through a phase like this. My brother, who just turned 50, was between 2 and 3 at the time, just at the age when they are coming out of diapers and are fast enough to outrun parents. There was nothing he loved better than to strip naked and head straight out of the back door into the yard, laughing the entire time, my mother hot on his heels. My own son, who is now 26, went through a similar phase, but because we lived in an apartment complex, kept his dancing inside. I actually have photographic evidence of naked trike rides down the hall and those naked runs full of giggles. Oh, if he were only so joyful and free today!

  7. Stephanie, I had to reduce the number of times I used the words naked or nude because your spam filter wouldn’t let it go through! LOL!

  8. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Funny, funny stuff. My twins are about 6 months younger than yours and one was laying on the floor after bath touching her “gina” and laughing hysterically. What’s a mother to do? Ah the joys of parenting.:-)

  9. Hysterical! Love the wee little ones and their precociousness and honesty. The best part for me, though, was you and Phil laughing together at Abby’s “gina” dilemma.

  10. I feel soooo much better now. We talk a lot about our “china” and why we need to wash our hands when touching the china and how nobody can touch your china and why brother has a penis and not a china.

    Oh, and how we can’t stand up to pee pee. Because of the “china.”

    Adam says she is for sure my daughter.

  11. i wish everyone could live like a 2 yr old. You can sing, dance, and be naked whenever you want.

  12. Stephanie, this is off-topic, but I had the strangest dream about you last night. I moved into your house as your roommate, but this house was in Bethpage NY and we discovered polar bears living in the pool. Two polar bears, one mama her baby. Totally random and hilarious.

  13. not to be cliche, but when they are ready, they're ready…My son just turned 3 and he's pretty much potty trained and it took some time!! He still has acciedents when he's excited or playing. We went through everything too, but then one day it all clicked for him. good luck :)

  14. When I was little my “gina” was my “naked.” Every time my parents exclaimed “You’re naked!” I guess I heard “Your naked!” It stuck for an embarrassingly long time.

  15. just recalled of my little daughter when she was 3 years old, she one day asked me when could she grew penis like her older brother. hahahahah….. she thought it matters of time but not gender. Love the old days while they are little, well though, teenage may be not that bad afterall.

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