In general, I don’t wish anyone pain, but in the specific, I sometimes want to grab Phil’s balls and squeeze until they pop out. Oops, there goes another rubber tree plant.
In general, I think it’s good to air it, say what’s on your mind, but in the specific, I want Phil to just, for the love of God, zip it already.
The other day, my sweet little wish was granted. Phil bit his tongue so hard it actually turned black and blue. What followed can only be described as a "Peter Boyle Moment."
"You see, it’s a good thing, Philip. God was literally telling you to just hold your tongue already. Zip it. Shut it. Enough outta you."
For the rest of the day, he still managed to argue and opine, only as he tried to air his many frustrations with me, I was a convulsive jiggling woman, gasping for air, thrashing about in a laughing fit. "I feel very disrespected," sent me into spasms, set to the tune of Peter Boyle as the monster in Young Frankenstein, singing "Puttin’ on The Ritz."
So thank you God, for giving me a sense of humor to deal with this dear man. And now, a clip:
A YEAR AGO: Gossip in the Grain
2 YEARS AGO: Agents
4 YEARS AGO: Witch Slapped
5 YEARS AGO: Indexed, Let’s Play, Like A Prom Dress, Bluefood
October 28th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
The chuckle in the odd “Raymond” moment – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53BEuIgy0bQ
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Totally relatable! Rock on!
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
My boyfriend needs to bite his tongue ASAP.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Don’t you wish the iphone had a camcorder for moments like these?
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I once saw Peter Boyle at Elaine’s in NYC. I so wanted to go up to him and say “Putting On The Ritz” but reason prevailed.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
How did he bite his tongue? Was there gum involved? I once bit my tongue so hard I looked like a female Gene Simmons.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
You write what I think but never say. If only my husband learned to bite his tongue at key moments we’d have better sex or more accurately more sex.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I used to have a crush on Gene Wilder. Blazing Saddles Gene not Young Frankenstein Gene.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
I have a friend who has a friend who knows Mel Brooks. Let the forwarding begin!
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Relationships have such give and take. I say take another bite!
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Half the time I love Phil. Half the time I find him mean and overbearing. Amazing I can have such a strong opinion about someone I don’t know.
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
I have to second Laurie’s comment. God bless blogging! And the internet!
While I have yet to want to squeeze my husband’s balls, off I have often thought longingly about taking a big heavy shovel to my FIL. Does that count?
[Reply]
October 28th, 2009 at 6:55 pm
This was hysterical…
Completely off topic – Stephanie, do you wear any Ella Moss? What size tops of hers do you wear? I am about your size on top and was wondering..
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I walked in on my ex-husband having sex with his ex-girlfriend that I invited to stay with us while she was visiting. I know, rookie mistake. I was yound and naive. Needless to say there was much fighting, crying, etc. About a year later I was still furious with him and he said to me “What do you want me to do? I know I was wrong, I’ve said I was sorry. What else can I do.” My replay “Cut you fing dck off.” Needless, to say I can relate to the feeling. I didn’t really want him to do that, but in the heat of the moment is seemed like justice.
[Reply]
Penny Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
So at the time you were married and he screwed his ex girlfriend in your home and you caught them.. and you were with him a year later? Ouch. And That is horrible.. .sorry.
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
November 1st, 2009 at 12:02 am
Ugh. The day I found my hubby having sex with ANYONE would have been he day I changed the locks and HE moved out.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
It’s totally about humor. Especially when you’re ranting at each other and trying to think of a great argument to prove your point…but then you notice a sly smirk on your hubby and you just cackle out loud and realize that you and him both sounded ridiculous.
[Reply]
October 29th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
I know where you are coming from. When every word out of your significant other’s mouth is about one of your shortcomings or to issue an order, silence can be golden.
[Reply]
Kalorama Reply:
October 30th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Hmmm..that would explain a lot. I just cannot relate to this at all–it would never occur to me to want to inflict unimaginable pain on my husband, or anyone. Even the jokes seems flat.
Though, in some sense, this couple seem made for each other.
[Reply]
October 31st, 2009 at 5:54 pm
let us know when the divorce is…
[Reply]
November 1st, 2009 at 12:01 am
Ugh. The day I found my hubby having sex with ANYONE would have been he day I changed the locks and HE moved out.
[Reply]
Amy Reply:
November 1st, 2009 at 12:03 am
Sorry, please delete! Meant to reply to an above post.
[Reply]
November 5th, 2009 at 10:17 am
i know right. Like the whole broody man thing was sexy in high school, but in your 30’s it’s just annoying. So sex with a crabass is not sex it’s like punishment
[Reply]