Livin Large
"So, I think maybe we should lay off the white trash activities around here, no? I mean, they’re fully dressed in their clothes out there, and she’s spraying them with water," Phil observes through the window of our home office.
"Well, it’s decidedly less white trash when it’s your nanny who’s doing the hosing," Megan adds with a smile.
"I have never, ever, hosed them down," I say raising my hand. "Nor have I subjected them to the atrocity that is a blowup pool." I can’t help but be marginally disgusted by them. It’s the idea of the undrained plastic pool, with soggy leaves, traces of excrement, and insects swimming their cares away like Fraggles. But kids need to be kids, and these kids don’t give a scorpion about bugs or dirt… as it should be. So do I cave in and just get a blowup pool again? (I hear we had one once). I’ve always preferred taking them "swimming" in the master bathroom tub, but it’s not the same as getting to run and splash about like sprites.
"Well, we have to do something," Phil says, looking to me. "Can’t you look to find them a fancy blowup pool? One with a slide," he asks. They seem not to be very crazy about the sprinklers, which I thought was a nice compromise. I tried spitting on them, but it backfired, and now it’s how they’ve learned to express love: through air hankying.
It’s settled. No more white trash water sports are going down at this house. Nope, ta’ ta’ golden showers. You sweet precious ones are going to bathe in the tub, not a bucket. And there will be no more spray downs with the hose out back.
I am actually glad we resisted building an in-ground pool straight away; I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night given the latest statistics. I know we have access to a pool at the club, but when it’s hot as all balls here, what is one to do with two hot potatoes?
"Federal statistics show that children under one year most often drown in bathtubs, buckets, or toilets, while children from one to four years old drown most often in residential swimming pools. Most young children who drowned in pools were last seen in the home, had been out of sight less than five minutes, and were in the care of one or both parents at the time." —KXAN
"The answer is not a fancy blowup pool, Phil. It’s more swim lessons… and more Xanex for mama."
A YEAR AGO: If Only
2 YEARS AGO: Cows, Pigs, Chicken, and Things
4 YEARS AGO: Need
5 YEARS AGO: Burn Baby Burn
June 25th, 2009 at 9:57 pm
what a terribly judgmental statement to make? No more white trash water sports? Pot calling kettle black.
Agree with above posters. GET the fuck over yourselves.
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June 25th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Jesus H. Christ. Your readers will complain about anything.
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June 25th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Umm, no, it would not be better to be in an office working while the children play if you can afford not to. The point I was making was that you both had time to stand looking out the window and have a conversation about how ‘white trash’ it was for the nanny to be spraying them with a hose and debate about other more ‘appropriate’ activities that would meet your standards. It seems, then, that one of you would have time to go out and do the spraying yourself instead of narrating it. If you don’t want opinions (or judgments as you put it), why do you post and leave comments open? Do you only want comments that blow sunshine up your arse? Sorry I didn’t call you both snobs instead, which you seem to prefer. You baffle me.
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:06 am
Wow, you really are a snob, and so is your husband. I’m surprised you would even post something like this. Dissapointed to say the least. Like it matters to you and your stuck up snob of a husband. Oh well.
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June 26th, 2009 at 1:36 am
Playing in the sprinkler is a rite of passage. White trash? Ok.. If you think letting your kids have fun is trashy so be it. I feel sorry for them.
Sure, get the big ass pool but know that one of you (or your nanny) is going to have to be super vigilant at this stage of the game (24/7) regardless of the size of the pool. (A small hard one can be easily drained and sprayed out daily).
Sometimes I think you put this type of post up just for the reaction and comments they get. Because playing in the sprinkler is just pure joy to your children. Be happy they are so happy with the simple things in life! That is LIVING!
Living is not winning the argument, having the best of this or that. Living is enjoying and appreciating the little wonderful things in life. Like enjoying your kids having a blast with a simple garden hose.
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June 26th, 2009 at 1:48 am
wonderful that you both get to work at home and look through the window at what the nanny is doing with your kids.
But you know if it were me I would probably take the day time hours with my kids while they are awake and active and work nights at the work at home careers. In fact just what I did when they were that little.
They grow up SO fast… They really do.
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Stephanie Klein Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 2:20 am
We don’t have that option. Not all “work at home” careers mean you make your own hours. There will never be enough hours in the day for any of us to feel like it’s all balanced. We’re lucky enough to get to spend as much time as we do with our children each day. My children will only be this age once. I’m living it, and I’m very aware with each passing day, that these are the years I’ll look back on, the ones I’d trade anything in the world to have back. I also know that my work matters, and I’m not going to apologize for either. You do the best you can.
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June 26th, 2009 at 9:28 am
For what it’s worth, I happen to love your take on life. Especially for keeping it real. Especially all your passion. Especially the way you write about your kids. I, for one, understood through the obvious lighthearted sarcastic tone of this post that while there was truth to the words, you and Phil were being playful. People post on here as if you never spend time with your kids at all and prefer to shine your ring. Quite frankly, I don’t see what’s wrong with both. It’s okay to want, it’s okay to complain, it’s okay to play with a hose, and it’s okay to joke about all of it. I think people on here need to lighten up. You just keep being you… the person who inspires me to think, to take more pictures of my own kids, and who gets me to make (eat, and enjoy!) fish!
If you do get the pool, don’t post pictures of your kids enjoying themselves again. People will just piss all over it with their I Told You So attitudes. And no one wants piss in their kiddie pool.
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June 26th, 2009 at 10:28 am
How come you sound so blissed-out about life when you write those fantasy-ish posts that glamourize bedding, furniture, or wine, but you sound so frustrated and miserable when you describe actual real-life moments? Even the good ones, like watching your children play outside?
Personally, I’d take the small family moments any day over the all the “stuff”, diamond rings, and fancy towels you seem so obsessed with.
Your posts only sound truly happy to me when they are about escaping from your life, not engaging in it. It’s logical given what you describe about how you and your husband relate, but let the fantasy life go and figure out how to find happiness with the real one!
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June 26th, 2009 at 10:48 am
get over yourself.
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June 26th, 2009 at 11:25 am
I’m late on this thread but don’t get them a slip n slide. I suffered a concussion when I was five from slipping on one of those, falling on my back and my head hitting a (small) rock beneath the plastic.
DONT DO IT.
Those things are dangerous as fuck.
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
That picture is perfect, not a care in the world and too young to have those “white trash” hangups, they are kids and let them be kids until they grow up like us and worry too much what people will say. They are precious.
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
You are producing and stylwevcing your life, not living it.
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
p.s. We don’t get to see these kids smile in pictures that often, this truly is a childhood classic picture. Phil, chill out!
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
meant to type – “styling” your life. Sorry, the cat jumped on the keyboard. Gee, I guess real life is not perfect.
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I love that picture! I can actually taste the cold water and hear them laughing.
I didn’t take offense to the white trash comment at all. I truly grew up white trash who put on airs of being better than white trash. We had the requisite 5 cars, only 2 of which ran. We had horses and we played in stagnant ponds. We played with firecrackers and blew up our toys. We hugged wet dogs and ate dirt pies. We ate peanut butter and banana sandwhiches and flav-or-aid over kool-aid. Our popsicles were homemade. My drunk grandmother was our “nanny.” My brother and I beat the shit out of each other on a daily basis.
I grew up just fine. I have a PhD in English and I still drink out of a hose.
Anyway, I liked this entry.
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mel Reply:
June 29th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
i like your post!!
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June 26th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Well, my “white trash” childhood involved not only playing in the hose, the sprinklers, and a plastic pool, but also catching crawdads in the creek that ran through our front yard. And I wouldn’t have traded it for all the club pools in the world. Don’t let your snobbishness infect your children.
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June 26th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
amazing how so many people don’t have a sense of humor.
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June 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
My hubby and I just bought our niece and nephew a slip & slide. While I too worried a little bit about the trashiness factor their parents didn’t seem to alarmed. I think we’re smart enough to know it’s a “backyard” activity!
I’m sure your kids will love it PLUS it won’t ruin your lawn. (The weight of the water, and lack of oxygen to your lawn will RUIN it!)
Have a great time!
Hope Phil is feeling well
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June 27th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Those kids are so adorable and are growing up so fast! They do look so happy!
A few things:
It always surprises me when SK doesn’t delete negative comments. Fans, get over it: people are entitled to their opinions and blog comments don’t always have to be as blindly supportive as some of you think.
It might’ve been fun if S and P had blown of work for a half hour and gone down to get wet with the kids. But that’s not always possible.I’m sure some of you judgmental readers have had to leave your kids with sitters or at day care to work, this is no different.
Yes, it’s hard to see this couple that has these gorgeous kids and so much materially, but who can’t seem to get their relationship or maybe even some of their values lined up. Some of you/us probably wish we had half as much talent, opportunity, luck. Looking back at my own life, I often want to scream at Stephanie to stop, slow down and enjoy the moment more than she does. So driven…time passes in the blink of an eye and before you know it, it’s gone.
However, it’s not all been roses…as I continue to read the blog, it’s clear that Phil’s illness, and Lucas’ early problems have not been easy and have taken a toll. I’d like to think they’d give up all they have to not have to gone through that.
Phil does come off as a jerk and a prig in the blog, Stephanie as a materialistic, crass JAP. Part of that I’m sure is that we can’t possibly see it all or know them. But part is probably valid.
I can’t remember how old Phil is, but for all her accomplishments, Stephanie is relatively young with a lot going on. I am going to bet that likely 5 years from now, and definitely in 10, maturation will be more obvious in posts and their relationship.
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June 27th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Is Megan the nanny? Sorry, I wasn’t clear on who Megan is?
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anon Reply:
June 28th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I think she is their personal assistant. Because one ‘needs’ a maid and a nanny and a gardener and an assistant – at least if you Stephanie.
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June 27th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
The hard plastic ones, if they don’t have a drain, weigh a tonne and are really hard to dump. We just replaced ours with an inflatable one with a drain, we dump it into the garden every couple of days (recycling the water!) and it stays pretty clean. Am I white trash? I don’t know, but my kids are sure having a blast in the backyard not worrying about who thinks their choice of playthings isn’t classy enough. Stop worrying so much about what is “trash” and what is “class”, what difference does it make? Life is short, have more fun, girl.
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June 27th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
I agree with the poster who said steroetypes are only funny if there’s some amount of truth to them. And I just had no fricking clue that people thought playing in the hose was white trash. I mean, I’m sitting here thinking, and I’m wondering what high class people do instead. If kiddie pools and hoses are out, if the club is too far on a hot afternoon, if in-ground pools are dangerous, well…what’s left? Do high class people just sweat a lot? Is upper-crust synonymous with “suffers heat stroke rather than turn on the hose”? Is there some danger I’m not aware of involved in getting your clothes, gasp, WET?! I mean, do upper class people have fancy washing machines that don’t use water or something? And then some commenter remarked on the irony of the SUV with Texas plates. Are SUVs white trash, too? Or is it the Texas plates, because I don’t think there’s anything I can do about that one. I’m just really starting to fear that my whole life has been a lie, that I’m not as middle-class as I thought, that I might truly be white trash, with all my kiddie-pool-playing and TX-plate-having.
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June 28th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Once when we lived in Philadelphia, the kids (who were pretty young back then) were playing in the sprinkers, and toward the end of the night, I just went in and got a bar of soap and the shampoo to clean them up outside. NOW THAT is white trash! hahah. BUT, the memories are awesome!
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June 29th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Wow-I do think she was being funny! I am a huge book nerd and when I read about how writers actually write-the majority of them say that it is a real job and takes most of the day! I had to go back to work when my son was 9 weeks old due to money issues. What is wrong with working from home and looking at your children out of the window? I think that some of these people just like to bitch! Also, be happy you have nice weather- in Maine we have had only about two nice days since the first of June.
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June 29th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Nothing is lower class than deciding that something as innocuous as a water hose is white trash. Work on your marriage and figure out how to raise kids in a home that is genuinely happy instead of worrying about what goes on in your backyard.
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July 3rd, 2009 at 11:35 pm
I’m so white trash I had no idea that the hours we spent playing in a sprinkler was white trash. Love the comment “my drunk grandma was my ‘nanny.’”
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