Henrik Ibsen, a 19th century Norwegian dramatist, has likened not “getting over it” to carrying a corpse in the cargo of a boat. That is to say, we can try to sail forward, brave new waters, but if you’re carrying a corpse in your cargo, you’re not going to get very far. You’ve got to dump the body, let go of your ghosts, and your past to get anywhere.
When you hear the name “Jennifer Aniston,” and are asked to quickly, off the top of your head, free-associate, I’m guessing you might respond with any number of these associations:
Friends, Haircut, Brad, Angelina, Oprah, Girl Next Door, Sweet, Heart-shaped face, John Mayer, Courteney Cox, Layers, Scorned, Skinny, Zone Diet, Yoga, Cigarettes, Biological Clock, Marley & Me, Office Space, Picture Perfect, The Good Girl, She’s The One, Edward Burns, Vogue, US Weekly, The Break-Up… and of course, the break-up.
We push those associations on her. How is someone supposed to move on when she’s consistently asked about her past? People have said, “[it happened] 4 goddamn years ago. People have talked about 9/11 less than this.” Get over it already, people chant when referring to recent interviews, but they never stop to ask, “Who’s asking her about that… still?”
Personally, I suspect she’s dumped the body, but each time there’s an interview, she’s asked for the latitude and longitude of the corpse. That said, the minute she says she’s over it, people are quick to quip, “The Lady Doth Protest Too Much.” Because you can’t win. People are going to believe what they want to believe. And people can be assholes.
I do not go around googling the wasband…
I speak at book clubs. I get interviewed. People always ask about the wasband and “The Rome.” No, it doesn’t offend me–why would it? But to assume I’m not over it is just that: an assumption.
The wasband and his family (yup, even Rome) will likely be in Austin this weekend to attend Andy Roddick’s wedding. I know this not because I google him, certainly not because I ask around, but because people feel compelled to send me such updates with subject lines like, “Thought you’d find this interesting.” And surprisingly, it doesn’t piss me off. It doesn’t make me laugh. It doesn’t make me feel anything. Okay, maybe a little disgusted.
I will say it does open my imagination to what I might say if I happen to “bump into” the wasband and his new redheaded fiance (another bit of information that came to me via email). That’s when I start to smirk. Anyone care to camp out at Andy Roddick’s home with copies of Straight Up and Dirty? I hear Elton John will be performing, “The Bitch Is Back” and “I Think I’m Going To Kill Myself.”
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So all that talk about teams on my other post makes me want to claim my team here. TEAM ANISTON! She did an interview for something way before Angie came into Brad's grasp. In that interview she was asked about the love of her life. And her response was that she didn't know if Brad was the love of her life. She questioned, "Is he?" I knew right then that she wasn't all that into Brad, like the rest of us. Other people may see it as he left her for that other woman, but I know the truth! She just wasn't that into him.
You introduce him to Phil and the kids if you have them with you. You then thank him warmly for making you get him out of your life, because things have turned out so much better for you since he's gone.
Then you give the new fiance the knowing wink that says, he'll do it to you, too.
You could hum "Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair" as you do it, but I wouldn't. We all know you're so past him.
Okay, even if we don't know who the wasband is, his new fiance HAS to know who you are. Who would agree to marry a guy without knowing the name of his ex-wife? Sure, she's heard his side of the story, that you're just his crazy ex and blah blah blah, but still. Somewhere deep down she must know the kind of man he is. And the fuss about Jennifer Aniston would go away if she would just do SOMETHING else interesting with her life. All these crap rom-coms and dating these lame, too young for her, guys, smoking cigarettes and third-wheeling it with Courtney Cox's family on the holidays. It's not that she's been pigeon-holed by the public. It's just that the most interesting thing about her is STILL that she used to be married to Brad Pitt.
I find this entry to be quite enlightening for me personally. I am happily married to my 2nd husband. My first husband and I share a teenage son. (age 16) When I say share I mean we share custody of him. We must interact with each other and I am on the receiving end of tons of information about his life from outsiders as well as directly from my son. I have noticed that if I speak about my ex-husband in any tone whatsoever there is always bound to be someone present that tells me I am "not over him". Simply because I speak of him!?
How in the hell can I not speak of my very real son's very real father who lives in the same town as I? How is that avoidable? How do I not care about what he does or does not do when his actions have impact on my son who looks up to him?
However….I now know I loved him but I was never in love and there's a massive difference. I think that Jennifer loved Brad but wasn't in love too. I also think your wasband is just that. WAS.
I don't think that just because we keep turning the pages on the different chapters of our lives that everyone else around us has turned the page. Therein lies the problem. I think the people that email you info about your wasband are really just wrong to do that. I know there's always idle curiosity, but really, it's wrong. They need to turn the pages too and see you and your life for what it is now and live in the now, right along with you. It might make it easier for you to stay in the now too.
There is no right or wrong answer to how someone handles the past, but it is really wrong when people keep throwing the past in your face.
I was totally toying with the idea of driving by the Roddick wedding this weekend since my husband is out of town and I'm alone in Austin. Then I remembered – I'm not a crazy stalker! I keep forgetting that.
Unfortunately, it's usually others than focus on the things in our past long after we've let them go. (Also, my exes have very common names and thus Google doesn't work for me – so I embrace this lesson). :)
Just read an article that Elton John is the wedding band – might have to sit outside the gate and hold up a lighter! WOW!
Ahhh. Very timely post considering my new project (blog). I think once there is another woman that enters the equation, everyone still thinks you are part of the triangle much longer than you actually are. Even if you've moved on. A new town, new friends, a new love….they help "show" you've moved on. And as for Jennifer…I'm sure she is secretly very happy she does not have 6 kids.
Aaaah, no. Jennifer Aniston is a special case. She totally plays up to this stuff and instead of declining to talk about it, she'll say things like, "What Angelina did was totally uncool." The woman is desperate and can't seem to have another functional relationship to save her life. I mean, John Mayer? Come on. She seems a bit desperate and pathetic.
as someone who used to work for aniston, I know for a fact that she is psyched to not have 6 kids (or one for that matter, as her life is truly all about HER.) she is also over The Brad, though while brainstorming names for her new production company she did say "Why don't we call it Brad's An Asshole Productions?"
I think I can be over an ex boyfriend and still google him. curiosity is not equal to still hung up.
Interesting a former employee weighed in on the Aniston debate. Nice to know I was right! She's rich, still youthful and travels, still gets steady work.. she's way ahead of many people especially now. I definitely don't pity her. I do however empathize with how annoying it must be for people to gauge whether she is 'over' Brad. Shouldn't matter but I think she's doing fine. It would be nice if she could find someone who wasn't as cheesy as John Mayer.. my god he's ridiculous. Known to be a womanizer tons of industry insiders have claimed he's in the closet and that's why he puts on such an act. I don't get the virulent hatred of her though, it's odd.
I am dying to know who the wasband was so I can google him. I want to see the idiot I read about in SUAD now! I always wondered how weird it must be for you to know he reads this (come ON, you know it! even if it's on the sly) and the thought of any ex of mine knowing details (like I feel like ass, had a blow out argument with my husband, etc) makes me cringe. You have balls of steel. Good for you and thank god b/c most of us get a lot out of you posting on such a variety of topics we can relate to.
Every time someone asks Aniston a breakup question I always think about something J.K. Rowling said — Someone she knew pre-Potter saw her for the first time post-Potter and said 'You've lost weight, you look fabulous'. And Rowling thought 'Yeah, I've done a few other things too, but if that's all you got….'. (I totally paraphrased here but you see my point.)
Really? People actually find Jennifer Aniston interesting? I second what Grace said – she's done nothing interesting with her life, she's bland and she's obsessed with dating. Even the guys she dates aren't interesting. (C'mon. John Mayer is a tool.) She keeps the Brad talk going because, indeed, if it weren't for that, no one would be saying anything about her at all.
Stephanie, I think you must secretly want the details of Wasband's new life (that's not a slam, you're curious, fine.) People used to tell me about my ex and I politely asked them to stop. They did. That's all it takes. Same with my boyfriend's ex – it was an explosive, gossip-worthy breakup that nearly took down a company (true story.) So of course people always wanted to ask him about her (the ex) or give him tidbits of information. When they did, he said that he's moved on, he's happy, and he doesn't care to keep bringing up negative things from his past, no matter how entertaining they may be to other people – and they stopped. It's been at least a year since we've so much as heard their names mentioned.
While Aniston can't control the media, of course, she can control interviews. She has the right to say, "Do not ask me about this," or decline to answer when asked. Instead, she goes on and on in GQ magazine, joking about hanging out with the kids and holding Z on her hip, goes on Oprah and says that Angelina is uncool for talking about her relationship… come on. She needs to get a little dignity. Take the higher road, insist on being more than her breakup. But maybe she can't be more than that. Like I said… bland.
Brooklyn Decker is marrying a man who saw her in Sports Illustrated and had his agent track her down with a message. Flattering or ghastly?
I'm indifferent about Jennifer Anniston, but I will say she is not the one who needs a little dignity. Maybe the woman who slept with her husband and then boasted about it to the national media is the one who needs a little dignity. Whether or not Jennifer was into her husband or not does not matter. Brad committed adultery, why is no one bashing his name and career? Why is it acceptable? I guess because it's Hollywood.
Stephanie, this post just made me grin and I am absolutely tickled by the fact that in it, you parallel Jennifer Aniston's ghosts and experiences to your own. It is so deliciously ostentatious and precocious. Doing so very tidily wraps your sentiment up and parades it around in the perfect package for anyone from the Wasband's crowd who may happen by. Confidence suits you.
Brava!
Saying that Aniston needs a little dignity doesn't mean anyone condones what Brad did. But you tend to lose sympathy when someone keeps harping on it and acting the victim. I felt bad for her at first. But now, 4 years later, I think she's pathetic. She's not the only woman in the world that this happened to. I don't recall Angelina Jolie boasting about anything? In fact, I think they kept rather quiet about it all?
I live in LA and have met people who claim to know something about Aniston behind closed doors as well. Shrug. I don't know if any of it's true, take it with a grain of salt. But from what I've heard, she's not as sweet and innocent as she seems, she's a bit of a wreck and always has been. Seems possible to me.
No one really knows for sure if he "committed adultery." For all we knew, he was interested in Jolie and left Aniston before physically acting on it. Which sucks, but… better to acknowledge you have feelings for someone else and leave than carry on an affair.
I just want to know why the Wasband is at Andy Roddick's wedding! And I agree with the poster who said the only thing that keeps the public interested in Jennifer Aniston *is* the residue of intrigue over the triangle with Brad and Angelina. Otherwise, what does she have going for her work-wise?
Well, I think the Wasband is doing just fine for himself- HE'S the one going to the highbrow wedding, and you are the one wanting to camp out outside with copies of your book…
you seem very interested in constantly bringing up the wasband and dishing about him… i think people recognize that and are feeding it. if you're so "uninterested", just be uninterested!
Armchair psychology, but Jennifer doesn't want to get married or have kids. She's one of the top stars in Hollywood, she could have anyone. George Clooney doesn't want to get married or have kids either (shrug) I know people like that in real life. It's pretty rare in South Carolina where people expect to get the ring their last semester of college or graduate school and I was 33 when I married it and 40 and 42 when we adopted our kids and treated as Mesthuselah (sp?) but hey each to his own. S'what? Oprah's single, too, and nobody is questioning that. We've all just watched too many romance movies.
Think about it. Now I couldn't open my little black computer folder and reel in anybody I wanted for next Saturday, but these megastars can. So they get the companionship when they want it, and freedom when they want it.
It works the other way around for me. I totally google the ex I am over, and I don't mind hearing about him, I couldn't care less (besides the occasional snicker)
The ex I'm not over I don't google nor talk about. I don't want to know what he is doing now, and certainly don't want to know whether he's got a girlfriend. We have mutual friends and I cringe whenever they mention his name, but I don't want to tell them to stop mentioning him as I don't want them to know how much it affects me. I used to be friends with his brother but have been avoiding him since the breakup for exactly this reason.
I guess it just depends on how you deal with it.
I think that'd be funny, actually. She's joking about it.
RC, what Angelina did WAS totally "uncool." Angelina's a homewrecker, and Brad's apparently just fine with going along with it.
And what are you talking about? John Mayer's awesome!
Good post. It can be difficult to stop dwelling in the past if others keep dredging it back up and foisting it upon you.
Jennifer's star is fading FAST.
Did you actually just compare her to Clooney? HA HA HA! Clooney can have anyone he wants. Aniston…? Not so much. She's a train wreck.
some of us even don’t realize the importance of this information. What a pity.